'AITA for not wanting to pick up my nephew from daycare anymore?'
"AITA for not wanting to pick up my nephew from daycare anymore?"
I (f 25) have a sister (f 26) who is a single mom. The dad isn’t in the picture for valid reasons. Before I move back home, my parents would pick up my nephew (m 4) every day from school and help watch him on some weekends.
when I moved back home it sort of became my responsibility to pick up my nephew around five causing me to have to rush through work and revolve any form of plans around it. I remember offering to help once and then it’s sort of got put on me for the past six months.
She gets off work at six the time the daycare closes. Since she started blowing up on social media, she hasn’t been picking him up right after work to make content, causing my parents and I to have to watch him until 8 or 9 PM.
Sometimes she drops him off on the weekends because of a meeting or something else she has to do and I don’t find out till I wake up in the morning and hear him in the living room. My day ends up having to be taking care of him with my mom. And when his school closes on a work day for a holiday or a sickness breakout, I have to watch him while I work.
I’m a graphic designer (full time 9-5 for an agency, moved back home for the job and to save) and recently have been getting more commission work on the side and having more meetings that intervene with picking him up after work.
I work remote so it’s easier for my parents to ask me or expect me to pick him up. I also have a boyfriend that honestly gets pretty frustrated when our plans shift because my parents can’t pick him up last minute even though I told them I couldn’t do it for the day. He says that I’m not his mom and my sister has to step in more.
Recently, I’ve been setting boundaries and when I told my sister or ask her if she can just leave work early some days, she gets frustrated and asks why and for details as to why I can’t. AITA?
Edit: my parents had my retired uncle do it prior to my move in, when I moved in he stopped (understandable), and when I ask my parents why they say he probably just got tired of it, my sister also gets annoyed if his homework isn’t done by the time she gets home.
My boyfriend already set boundaries about my nephew when we move in together even though he loves him (he said we will not be bringing him over everyday afterschool and he doesn’t want me picking him up just to wait for my parents to get home all the time) my mom wants us to live close to be closer to them, but she also still wants me to pick him up some days
This is what people had to say to OP:
KronkLaSworda said:
NTA. Stop giving her details when she asks. Say you can't, full stop. Don't JADE: Justify your answer, Argue about your answer, Defend your answer, or Explain your answer. Tell her you'll no longer be picking up the Nephew and get out of that house as soon as possible. Even your parents are dumping the responsibility on you.
PM_ME_YOUR_TITS80085 said:
NTA. Not your monkeys not your circus. Her being a single mom is on her, helping when you can makes you a good sister, demanding you helping her all the time make her irresponsible and entitled.
Artistic-Tough-7764 said:
We do this OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER. NOBODY owes anybody childcare services.
IF, however, this is a condition of moving back in with your parents, that is a completely different story
OP responded:
Thank you, yes i moved back in for a job in the area (even though it’s remote, they only support in certain states) and to save for a home with my boyfriend, they also work full time, as do i, and i help out a lot around the house and it’s been a great coliving situation! Everything is fine but this specific thing
And Vdavwil said:
NTA. You don't owe her details. She is only asking so she can argue with you. Since asking nicely didn't work, it's time simply to tell her that you won't be available on days you don't want to do it. If she argues, don't engage and just repeat you aren't available. Sure, it would have been nicer if she just pitched in more, but she didn't.
When your parents try to dump it on you last minute, either don't answer or say no. Everyone will get mad. You can't avoid that.