'AITA for not wanting to provide anything for my children's half siblings?'

"AITA for not wanting to provide anything for my children's half siblings?"

I (30m) have two kids (12f, 11m) with my ex and we share 50-50 custody and parenting time. Our breakup was acrimonious and we still hate each other. But we do try to keep that from our kids by being civil when they're around and the rest of the time we hardly ever speak or acknowledge each other. All communication outside of face to face is done via an app.

She has four additional children. She has a 9 year old son with someone else. And she has a 6 year old daughter, 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son with her husband.

I have never purchased anything for my children's half siblings, nor have they ever asked to buy stuff for them with me or asked me to buy them anything. I have never spent time with their half siblings either. We do custody exchanges at a third party location and they go from one car to the other with minimal to no interaction between their mom and myself.

My ex's parents have kept in touch with me over the years. Back when my ex's 9 year old was born her parents hinted that I should take him on as my own son because of the situation with his biological father. I ignored it and after a few months they dropped the subject altogether.

They have overshared things about my ex's household and I had to tell them it wasn't something I needed to hear unless it involved my children. But I know her husband doesn't accept or provide for the 9 year old thanks to them. And this is an argument now being used.

I provide a lot of what my kids need and want. When it comes to school supplies and clothes I do it more frequently than their mom because the quality between what she can buy and what I can is different. Most of the school supplies are left in school so it's not a big concern of mine that she'll just take them for her other kids.

But she did ask me about a year ago to buy more for ours and let her distribute them among her school aged kids. I told her I was her ex for a reason and it was on her and her husband to provide for their kids like I was providing for our kids.

My contact with her parents greatly reduced in the last few months because they decided to campaign for me to provide things for their other grandchildren. More specifically the 9 year old but they feel like as the father of those kids' half siblings I should be willing and eager to make sure they have what they need.

They argued that it would give my kids good values too because right now they do not care that they have more and better than their half siblings. Ex's parents were very concerned about this and even asked my kids if they'd ask me to get stuff they could share and they told them no. I asked them why the hell they were involving my kids like that and they said the kids should be doing it themselves.

That they were shocked my kids didn't advocate for their younger half siblings at all and they told me they only look out for each other, not the others, and I have shown them that. And that I show them to do that every time they experience having more or better than their half siblings.

They argued with me that a good father would want his kids to take care of their family even if their kids' family wasn't identical to their own. I talked to my kids about their grandparents and they only spoke to them about this and requested it twice. Nothing else on the topic since but the only contact ex's parents and I now have is when we are supporting the kids at the same activities.

The last time I saw them was at the end of May and they were letting me know they were disappointed and believed I wasn't as good of a father as they believed. And they said I am letting innocent kids suffer because of my ex's actions in our breakup and not teaching my kids better.

I find this whole thing frustrating because I have two kids and I provide for my two kids. I didn't have more than I could provide for and we live a comfortable life. I don't feel like it should be on me to be responsible for any other kids my ex has but I know her 9 year old is the loser most of all in this. So I'm here asking if taking this stance makes me TA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

RecyclingOrganics said:

Sounds like the grandparents will have to find a way to step up, seeing as they're so keen for the other four to have the same as your two. Also, who marries a man who rejects their existing children. Your ex sounds like she cares more about herself than her kid with no dad.

OP responded:

It's possible she herself has some hard feelings toward her 8 year old and that's why she's okay with it happening.

SummerTimeRedSea said:

NTA at all. It's completly crazy to expect this from you. Tell them that if you are a "bad" dad for taking care of your children what is their opinion about their daughter who has 3 baby daddy and 5 kids letting her last husband being cold to the 8 year old ? Tell them she needs to ask the person who bang her it's not your problem you need to save money for YOUR children.

OP responded:

I did suggest they should tell their son in-law to step up or better yet get their daughter to pick a better husband than one who signed up for her being a single mom and is a dick to the kid with no second parent.

Ok_Package_1448 said:

NTA.Your ex is crazy .She has to take responsibility for her own actions.

OP responded:

I give her credit for backing off. Though a part of me wonders if she's sending her parents to do this for her. They sure as hell need to back off.

Thymele10 said:

Why don’t the grandparents provide for the 8 year old?

OP responded:

A good question and something I pointed out to them. They say he needs a father and I say he has a stepfather who could become his father and has more of an obligation than I do.

Visual-Lobster6625 said:

"Back when my ex's 8 year old was born her parents hinted that I should take him on as my own son because of the situation with his biological father." NTA - they should refocus their attention on the 8 year old's biological father and get him to provide child support. They can get court ordered child support, have his wages garnished, etc.

I find her current husband most disgusting . . . the 8 year old lives with them full time, I'm assuming, and should be taken care of. He got into a relationship with a woman who had three previous children. If he doesn't want anything to do with the 8 year old, then that's on him and your ex (she's allowing her husband to treat the 8 year old this way).

bythebrook88 said:

Why aren't the grandparents stepping up for their grandchildren instead of expecting people who are not related to do so? And who has 3 kids with someone who rejects their child? I would also be worried about OP's kids in that environment - they also are not this guy's kids.

OP responded:

My kids are treated better than the 8 year old is. They're not close to this guy but he doesn't ignore them either. That could be due to the fact I'm involved and provide for them.

Selfpsycho said:

NTA, just respond with 'they aren't my family, if they need support from family, you do it as their grandparents'. Never changing the wording or inflection, just robotic repetition regardless of the comments they make.

pristine_vida said:

That’s insane, I have children by two dads, I’d never have expected this from either of them.. wow NTA

OP responded:

I only have the two I share with my ex but I couldn't imagine remarrying and having more and asking my ex to provide for them. And I sure as hell couldn't imagine my parents doing it either.