So, I (28M) recently lost my father. It was a really tough time, but we knew it was coming because he had been sick for a while. Before he passed, he made it clear in his will that I would inherit the majority of his estate, including his house and a significant amount of money. My sister (25F) would receive a smaller amount, mostly sentimental items and a bit of cash.
Here’s the thing: my sister and my dad didn’t have a good relationship. She moved out when she was 18, and they barely spoke after that. My dad tried to reconnect several times, but she always shut him down. I, on the other hand, took care of him during his illness, visiting almost every day and handling all his medical appointments.
Now, my sister is furious. She’s calling me selfish and saying that it’s unfair she got so little. She thinks I should split the inheritance 50/50. I told her I respected Dad’s wishes and that I don’t think it’s my responsibility to change what he wanted, especially given the circumstances.
She argues that family is family, and it’s not fair to punish her for their estranged relationship, but I think it’s not my fault they didn’t get along. She had years to fix things with him, but she chose not to.
My mom (they’re divorced) is on her side, saying that I should “do the right thing” and give her more money to keep the peace. Some friends agree with her, while others think I’m justified in keeping what I was given. So, AITA for not wanting to share my inheritance with my sister?
Edit: I’ve seen some comments saying this sounds fake or that I’m leaving out key details, so let me clarify a few things. First, about my sister’s estrangement: It wasn’t something that happened overnight.
After my parents’ divorce, she sided heavily with my mom and gradually distanced herself from our dad. She blamed him for the split, and even though Dad tried to reconcile over the years, she was unwilling to meet him halfway. I’m not saying she’s a bad person—divorces are messy—but it’s not like Dad cut her off for no reason.
Second, I know some of you might think Dad was playing favorites, but I don’t see it that way. I think he divided things based on who was there for him in his final years. It wasn’t about punishment—it was about recognition.
Lastly, for those saying I’m “conveniently” painting myself as the golden child, I promise that’s not my intention. My sister had her reasons for stepping back, but I stepped up because I felt it was the right thing to do.
That’s why this situation is so hard. I’m trying to honor my dad’s wishes, but I also don’t want to completely ruin my relationship with my sister. Hope this clears up some of the gaps!
Q/A: I’ve seen a lot of questions, so I’ll try to clarify some things to fill in the gaps.
Why did my parents get divorced?
My parents’ divorce happened when I was 12 and my sister was 9. It wasn’t one big event—it was a combination of things. My dad worked long hours running his own business, and my mom felt neglected.
She also said Dad had a “controlling” personality, which caused a lot of tension. On the other hand, Dad felt Mom wasn’t supportive of his career and resented him for working so much. Eventually, they just couldn’t make it work, and they decided to separate.
My sister blamed Dad for the divorce because, in her eyes, he was the one who “chose work over family.” Mom didn’t exactly help—she would make comments about how Dad “cared more about his business than his kids.” I think this shaped my sister’s perspective and made her more distant from him.
Why were my sister and Dad so conflicted?
After the divorce, I stayed with Dad, while my sister lived with Mom.
Dad tried to stay involved in her life, but the distance—both physical and emotional—made things harder. Over time, my sister started avoiding him. For example, he’d call her, but she wouldn’t pick up. He’d send gifts or letters, and she’d never acknowledge them.
One of the big breaking points came when she graduated high school. Dad showed up to her graduation uninvited because he wanted to celebrate her, but she got upset and accused him of “trying to make it about himself.” After that, they barely spoke.
Why didn’t my sister visit when Dad was sick?
This is something only my sister can fully explain, but I think it goes back to their strained relationship.
By the time Dad got sick, they hadn’t spoken in years. I reached out to her multiple times, telling her how serious things were, but she said she “wasn’t ready” to see him. Dad was hurt but never angry—he just said, “She has to come on her own terms.” Unfortunately, she never did.
Why didn’t Dad just leave everything 50/50?
I asked myself this too. I think Dad felt the inheritance should reflect the relationships he had.
He knew I had been there for him throughout his illness, and he wanted to recognize that. At the same time, he didn’t want to completely exclude my sister, which is why he left her sentimental items and some money.
I don’t think it was about punishing her—I think he just wanted to acknowledge the reality of our family dynamic. Hope this clears up some of the questions people have been asking. Let me know if there’s anything else I can explain.
NTA. Your dad didn’t leave you the estate to play Robin Hood. She distanced herself for years, and now she wants the perks? Nah. Honoring his wishes isn’t being selfish, it’s just following instructions. If your sister wanted a bigger cut, she should’ve RSVP’d to family life earlier.
So family is family now, but it wasn't when your dad tried to have a relationship with her? Honor dad's wishes. NTA.
NTA - You’re respecting your father’s wishes as stated in his will, and it’s understandable to want to adhere to that. While the situation is tough given your sister’s feelings and your family dynamics, inheritance is often based on personal relationships and support levels.
It’s not your responsibility to adjust the inheritance to manage your sister’s reaction or to compensate for their estranged relationship. If you choose to share more, it should be because you feel it’s right, not out of guilt or pressure.
NTA - Your decision to respect your father’s wishes as outlined in his will is justified, especially considering your role in his care. While it’s natural for your sister to feel upset, it’s important to remember that inheritances are typically based on the nature of personal relationships. Changing the will to ease familial tension would go against your father’s express intentions.
NTA. Your dad made his wishes clear in his will, and you're just respecting them. It's tough when family dynamics get tangled with money, but ultimately, it's about honoring what your dad wanted. Maybe sit down with your sis and explain why you feel you need to follow dad's wishes to the letter. Communication might ease some tension!
NTA. Your dad made his wishes pretty clear in his will, and respecting those is totally valid. It sounds like you were the one in the trenches with him during his tough times, which probably factored into his decision.
It’s rough that your sis is upset, but redistributing the inheritance isn’t a “Monopoly” game where you can shuffle the properties to keep the peace. Maybe try explaining to her that it’s about respecting what your dad wanted, not playing favorites. If peace needs to be bought, maybe it’s priced too high.
Interesting how family is family when dividing up the inheritance but not so much when her father was alive trying to mend the relationship with her…..