"AITA for not wanting to swap concert tickets?"
I need to know if I'm in the wrong on this and objective opinions would be much appreciated. So, I'm a massive lover of Rock and Metal music and used to be an avid concert goer in my teens and 20's, but there are a few that I never got to see that have always been my Holy Grails.
Then, mid 20s, I had a kid, settled down and being a working mum, gigs became something that just weren't a priority, and a lot of the bands I loved either split up or stopped touring, so I gave up hoping I would see my Grails.
Cue a few months ago: System of a Down, one of my favourite bands, announced a tour. My son, Jack, who is 16, is also on his music journey and also loves System, so I decided to buy us both tickets and spend enough to get really good ones! I'm stupidly excited to share this experience with him, it's gonna be awesome!
So I spent like, £450 on tickets in the standing area of Tottenham stadium, that also included travel as well cos I don't drive and we live a fair distance from London. Now that's a lot of money to spend on tickets and travel in general, and a LOT of money for me but, it's worth it for the experience right?
So now queue the dilemma. Jack has a girlfriend, Emma, who he has been with for 3 months. They've known each other for 2 years but they recently confessed their feelings and decided to become a couple, it's all very sweet and lovely. When Jack told Emma that we were going to see SOAD, she also wanted to come along.
I tried to get another ticket for her in our bit, but sadly they were all sold out. Because Emma is 16 also, her mum, Gillian, obviously didn't want her to be by herself in Tottenham Stadium so Gillian decided that she was going to buy two tickets wherever she could get them in order that Emma could go and see System too, and Gillian would go as well.
She managed to procure some tickets from a reselling site, but they are seated tickets in the stands near the back of the stadium. I don't know Gillian at all, we've never met and have only texted a couple of times. And it's important to point out, but she is an older woman and is NOT a Rock music lover.
But now she is asking me to swap my concert tickets with Emma, so that Emma can watch SOAD in the standing area with Jack. Gillian offered to drive us all down to Tottenham and back home as well, and that I could give her petrol money towards this and it would save me and Jack having to do a lot of travel in a coach.
Jack is now begging me to take this option and I've said no, because like, I WANT to see the band in the standing area that I've paid through the nose for, and personally, I don't want to sit in the seating area of the stadium with a stranger who doesn't share my enthusiasm for System.
And, as much as I do appreciate the offer of a lift, why would I pay petrol money when I have already paid for travel with the tickets I bought initially? But now because I've said no, I'm being called stubborn, mean, selfish and all kinds! Am I being an AH by saying no?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ToughMaterial2962 wrote:
NTA but you need to have a serious conversation with your son because this concert is a grown up experience and you would like to treat him like an adult but he is still a child. Your job as a parent is to help him level up through this situation. One idea would be to explain to him that these are your tickets and that you have invited him to join you.
The options he has are go to the concert with you or make other plans for himself - there's no kicking you out of your plans option. He doesn't have to come with, but you want him to and it would be more fun for you if he did.
Be explicit and gentle, share that you want to treat him like an adult. Remember how you had to teach him how to behave when he was a toddler and channel that energy because his little brain is making a similar huge leap in growth now too.
OP responded:
I love this answer so much and it very much appeals to my parenting style as well! Thank you 😊
Rainbowbright32 wrote:
NTA, talk to your son. Really, you should never have even entertained looking for a ticket for her and shut it down from the beginning. If your son doesn't understand, then take a friend. If he doesn't understand, he doesn't deserve the ticket anyway. Two sixteen year old together 3 months? It's madness this was entertained at all.
OP responded:
Nah, she's a lovely girl, we get along really well and I would have loved for her to be part of our experience if I could have gotten a ticket, that was never the issue. But yeah, you're right about me not entertaining it, and I never did, but I was second guessing my decision and needed another perspective.
Crafter_2307 wrote:
NTA. I’m in my 40s. And love my rock/metal. I’m disabled - so don’t have a choice but to sit - but given a choice, I definitely wouldn’t be sitting and not with someone who doesn’t share my enthusiasm. ESPECIALLY as a fan. You booked and arranged a trip, have already agreed/arranged travel for something that you discussed doing with your son before him/his now girlfriend“declared” themselves.
(You don’t mention that Emma is a fan - just that she wants to come along.) That her Mum decided to go ahead and purchase two tickets, elsewhere in the stadium and unilaterally try and change your plans as well, shows a level of entitlement she shouldn’t have. When tickets in the standing area where you had booked were found to be sold out, that should’ve been the end of the discussion.
OP responded:
I agree with this as well, she never discussed it with me. Tbh I do think maybe she thought I was just going to 'chaperone' my kid because of his age and never stopped to consider that I might love the band.
But like I said, we don't know each other, but she should have asked at least, she had my number at that point. Also, I actually don't know if Emma actually does like the band. She seems to just want to listen to whatever band Jack listens to so maybe? But she definitely doesnt like them enough to warrant having my ticket 😂