'AITA for not wanting to take my disabled sister on vacation with me?'
"AITA for not wanting to take my disabled sister on vacation with me?"
So I’m a freshman in college that has never traveled outside the country before. I’ve been saving my money all year from my part time job at a restaurant and doing DoorDash on the weekends. I want to travel to Tokyo this summer and take both my first solo trip and first trip abroad.
My mom found out and has been questioning me heavily about it and now is trying to convince me to take my older sister with me. I love my sister, but she’s disabled and requires constant supervision and help (that’s as specific as I’ll be).
I wouldn’t be able to do a lot of the things I want to do because they would be too difficult for her. I feel like taking her with me would be more of a chore for me than a once in a lifetime experience.
My mom is making me feel bad and even offered to pay for all of her expenses and part of mine. I don’t care about the money, I want to pay for it myself even if that means staying in a cheaper hotel and eating at cheaper restaurants.
She’s now even considering making it a family vacation for all of 4 of us! That is absolutely not what I wanted. She had a lifetime to take us abroad, why does she suddenly want to do it when I’m trying to become more independent? AITA for wanting to do this solo and not take my sister or family in general?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Save your money, let mom pay for all 4 of you as a family vacation and then rebook your own trip when you get back.
NTA! You saved money, you wanted a solo trip and you should get it! It's your vacation and time off and you deserve to have fun and do your own thing without being responsible for anybody else.
Hard agree to this. You worked hard to save money and planned it already. Wanting to experience solo travel doesn't mean you don't love your sister or your family. You're allowed to want one thing that's just yours without guilt attached. Your mom don't get it. She should be the one encouraging you to be independent and try experience things for the first time.
“She had a lifetime to take us abroad, why does she suddenly want to do it when I’m trying to be more independent??”
Because now you’re an adult and she can try to get you to gradually take over your sister’s care and make you responsible for her.
If she wants to take a family vacation, I say let her, save your money and go back or go to Tokyo if she wants to go somewhere else. Don’t let her make you your sister’s keeper. Be very clear with her from now that she needs to make plans for her care once she and your dad if he’s involved, are gone.
She will likely hit you with, “you don’t have to do anything ! Just …” don’t believe her, she’s a parent with a child that is likely to be unable to live independently, she’s desperate and she will say anything to anyone and feel justified in doing it.
I wouldn’t take anyone who wasn’t a dependent I created on vacation with me. Full stop. She’s your sister, not your child. Your mom probably thinks you’re going to give her the young adult experience she’ll never get on her own, and while that might be true it would come at the expense of YOUR young adult experience. NTA.
NTA: You need to clearly state that this trip is just for you. Period. You are now a grown up. Let mom know that guilt trips won't work. Do not back down. And going forward keep your private info to yourself. Good luck. And have a great time.
NTA. Tell her NO. That is NOT what you scrimped and saved for. Tell her to go ahead and take your sister and go wherever she wants, but you will follow thru with your own plans alone.
Then say not another word about your plans. Don’t let her guilt you into her crazy idea of a trip. It’s possible you may have to postpone till your school summer break sophomore year if she blows up the whole thing too much.
Easy answer. NO. One small word. NO. You are not a caretaker. Your family is not invited. It is YOUR trip. There is no negotiation, discussion, anything whatsoever. They bring it up, you walk away. Full stop. Your plans, itinerary, flights are absolutely none of their business.
Here’s what you’re going to do. You are going to plan your trip, book your trip, learn a few phrases in Japanese. Then, you will go on your trip and make some incredible memories, eat incredible food, see amazing things and have a wonderful time.
Phrases I’d recommend are: please, thank you, how much, where is the restroom. For food recommendations, check out dancing bacon on YouTube. Just trust me. You are NTA.