'AITA for not wanting to wear a scarf to cover my throat scar by my coworker's request?'

"AITA for not wanting to wear a scarf to cover my throat scar by my coworker's request?"

I had to have my thyroid removed when I was 14 and the surgery left a long horizontal scar across my throat. It scarred badly and even after cosmetic procedures remains highly visible.

Honestly I had to overcome a lot of self-consciousness about it because people stare and make rude comments, but more than a decade later I don't think about it too much except when people say something.

My coworker Helen pulled me aside to tell me it deeply bothers her having to see it, and that she is not the only person who is bothered by it. She said scars upset her due to her experiences and shouldn't need to see them in the work place and requested I cover it with a scarf or choker.

It honestly surprised me because I have never had someone ask me to cover it before. These comments made me really self conscious again but honestly I do not feel I should need to cover it.

I really don't like things touching around my neck so I ignored her request, but I can't help but wonder AITA for letting my throat scar go uncovered? I know people are curious about it, but I have never been told it triggers others trauma before.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

EngineerLostonPertam said:

NTA. Plus you should probably go to HR over this, this was inappropriate and should be dealt with.

Melodic_Policy765 said:

NTA. I take this to HR since Helen says your surgical scar has been the topic of conversation within the office and that your medical procedures should not be office gossip. The absolute gall.

Particular_Title42 said:

Helen needs to look elsewhere then. Her triggers are not your responsibility. NTA.

CoppertopTX said:

NTA and head straight to HR. If Helen is bothered, she can be assigned to a different part of the office. If she's been gossiping and now has "others" that agree with her, she's creating a hostile work environment.

I have burn scars over 30% of my body and my husband finally got me to give up wearing long sleeved, high necked shirts in summer about 16 years ago. I only needed for one coworker to be too curious, and push for the story - as soon as the words "My mother set me on fire" came out of my mouth, she looked horrified and mumbled apologies. First and LAST time I was ever asked about my scars at work.

Front-Block956 said:

NTA. I had thyroid cancer and while I don’t see my scar, I am self conscious about it. I wore a scarf on my first work day and then stopped and no one said anything. The handful of people who knew told me I looked great and they were happy I was going to be ok. Helen can GFH and should be reported to HR. If she can’t handle it that is her problem not yours! If I was your coworker I would be telling Helen off.

2Whom_it_May_Concern said:

NTA. Helen can f-ck right off. Report her to HR. She is harassing you and creating a hostile work environment.

bathroomstallghost said:

NTA big time. those are her feelings she has to deal with herself, in silence. how rude to come up to you to say that.