'AITA for not wanting to use my makeup that a friend with eczema used?'
"AITA for not wanting to use my makeup that a friend with eczema used?"
I have a friend, Becky, who has severe eczema. I don't really care about it, we hang out, hug, and I know it's not contagious. Last week we were going out for a party and we went over another friend's house to get dressed and dolled up. We sometimes swap clothes, no big deal, but I don't really let anyone use my make up not that I didn't want to but no one really asked me about it.
That day Becky asked if she could use my eyeshadow, I said sure. Then she asked to use my cake foundation. It had a cushion applicator that you swipe/press on the cake to use. I was caught off guard and just said yes so she went to use it first.
Like I mentioned I know it's not contagious but she had some open breakouts and I was kinda grossed out using the applicator and cake itself, after she patted it on her face with open sores. Like I know I'm not gonna get it but I just can't with the sore fluids and all that, I think its unhygienic.
Even if she patted it dry, I can't help but feel grossed out. If she didn't have a breakout at the time, I most likely won't care. So I ended up not using foundation at all. Only one friend asked me why, I didn't really say why I just said I didn't feel like it. She made a big deal out of it saying I was judgmental and a bully because Becky's eczema grossed me out.
I explained that's not true, and that it's more of a hygiene thing. Now they're all upset at me for being prissy and should've just said not to use it. Again, I was caught off guard. I was never asked to borrow my makeup, and I never really say no when it comes to sharing anything so I was on autopilot and said yes.
Now I feel like an AH, because I was grossed out by it. I don't care if it's eczema or not, but I feel like I shouldn't have to use someone that came in contact with anyone else's open wounds or plasma. I haven't spoken with any of them since Friday.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Anneshurely wrote:
I'm guessing you are quite young bc anyone over the age of 13 should know not to share makeup applicators. That's disgusting even without the eczema. Open sores make it extremely gross. Your friends are idiots. Don't share any makeup with any of them ever again NTA.
OP responded:
I'm actually 21, but I've never really shared makeup with anyone before. I typically don't bring any with me when I go out just lip gloss. And even if I did, no one has really ever asked to borrow it so when Becky did, like I said I was completely caught off guard.
So I was like uh sure, okay. It wasn't until I started thinking about it while my I was about to get started I felt that I regret that I should've said no. Then there's also me having a problem saying no to anyone 😭
[deleted] wrote:
It's nothing to do with eczema I have it myself - sharing make up is incredibly unsanitary. Never do it.
moontari wrote:
As a psoriasis girly I don’t think you’re the a hole, but I think this can be fixed with honest communication. We all have insecurities and that’s probably one of hers. Treat her with kindness and explain your side of it. No it’s not contagious but someone else’s loose skin cells would be off putting to anyone. I don’t share makeup period. It’s not hygienic, skin condition or not.
myironlions wrote:
Yep, exactly this. OP, if you need a script, I recommend a quick smile paired with a very matter of fact “Oh - no thanks - I don’t share my foundation.” Use a neutral to mildly positive tone, like you might if she had asked whether you wanted an extra slice of pizza without realizing you are gluten-free.
The combo of confusion (saying no thanks when they are asking you for a favor will likely be just odd enough to disrupt her thought process for a few seconds) and stating this like a fact (as opposed to with “I don’t want to” “because [xyz reason]”) makes it much more likely that you create the space to change the subject or engage with someone or something else before she has formulated any objections.
(like “but why” or “is it because I have serous drainage that you are unreasonably prejudiced against?!”). The smile communicates non-verbally that you take no offense and mean none, making it easier for her to drop it and move on without challenge or embarrassment.
It’s a pretty great life hack in general to realize that when you state something as if it is self-evident that it is an incontrovertible fact, many many many people don’t bother to question it most of the time.
To be effective in your tone until you get comfortable, try to recast it in your brain as though you are just stating a rule of nature or from an authority - imagine it’s as if the makeup was a brand new compact costing $245 and belonged to your cousin and she said no one could open it, that it is a such a wildly incompatible shade and coverage type for her skin that she’d look jaundiced and dehydrated wearing it.
Or that your doctor told you that the makeup contains special medicine for your skin only and anyone else using it might have an adverse medical reaction landing them in the ER.
Odd-End-1405 wrote:
Whether you are "judging" her condition is irrelevant. It IS unhygienic to share makeup applicators and makeup for the most part. If she wanted to share makeup, you should use a single use applicator and NEVER double dip. Totally gross to double dip. Also, going the other way, she is putting YOUR skin and bacteria on her open sores, not exactly smart. NTA.