"AITA for 'not warning' my diabetic friend about our trip?"
My friend, sister, and I went out to major city near us for my birthday, where yes there are busses and the subway but usually its still better to walk if its not across the city. I invited this friend to a free trip to a museum, and explicitly told her we would be leaving our town at 9:30, arriving in city at 11, leaving at 5:30 and getting home for about 7.
At the beginning of the day, I make sure to tell her I have extra snacks in case she needs to fix her blood sugars, with both fast and long acting carbs. She also has some trouble with a leg injury, but my sister has a pretty bad one that flares up and I have a minor one, so I figured she would be comfortable telling us if she needed to stop.
We finished the museum with about two hours to spare (not helped by the fact we skipped a floor because I wasn't super interested in the stuff and she definitely wasn't). So my sister and I say we should walk around the city since there's some cool stuff nearby, she doesn't protest, and had been sitting down for a bit previously because she was bored of the exhibit we were in.
So we end up walking and taking the subway around, every time we are near a mall and even as we are walking around we are checking in with her if she needs food and buy her a smoothie and bagel, though that isn't because she says she needs food its because my sister wanted to stop at both places.
She's had a headphone in all day so we haven't known anything about when/if she was having blood sugar problems. Basically, she's pissed at me because I "didn't warn her" we would be walking around so much and hadn't adequately warned her so she could prepare about the change of plans.
I argued back that we literally made the plans of walking around for a bit right in front of her and that she could've said something, as well as the fact that even if we hadn't gone around the city, we literally said, we are going to be walking around a museum for 4 basically 5 hours not including travel time.
This combined with the fact that she never said anything about having a problem, or having low blood sugar, despite us being aware of it and actively checking in to make sure she was doing okay and had what she needed.
(To that she said that whenever we offered stuff she didn't have one and that it was when we were away from food places that she had a low blood sugar (uh hello big city we can walk at most, a block and find food)).Anyways, AITA for "not properly warning" my friend about this trip and making the possibility of "leaving her defenseless."
Edit: For reference I would also like to add that the both of us are both barely young adults, as well as the fact that neither of us have a drivers license as it isn't really needed where we live, (hence my much elder sister coming, as well as the fact her mother is still very overprotective.) She is a type 1 diabetic, and has been so for about 6 years.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
AnimalMeow1 wrote:
NTA. First of all, it sounds like you did warn her. Second of all, as a diabetic, I pack snacks appropriate for the potential use cases. I’d never rely on the information of others and plan ahead for myself.
OP responded:
She basically also argues that although she was prepared for the day, she hadn't known that we were going to walking around the city and is largely upset that I didn't pay attention to the fact of how serious the change of plans could have been for her, despite how I feel like I prepared for it just in case. Thanks for the opinion, especially since you have actual experience in the area.
trumpcansuckmyarse wrote:
NTA. I'm floored that you brought snacks in case your ADULT friend needed them - you went above and beyond.
Istoh wrote:
Why are you packing snacks for her? She needs to pack her own snacks. You aren't her mom and she's an adult who should know how to manage her own chronic health condition by now. In that regard she should also be adult enough to speak up if she needs a break.
OP responded:
She had packed what she thought was enough with the context of us just going to the museum and taking the bus back and forth from the big city to home, but was out by the end of the day. I'd packed some for both of us in case we didn't want to get something from a restaurant, eat on the move, or she needed some extra.
gbroon wrote:
NTA. When the suggestion of taking a walk round the city was raised she could have spoken up and suggested something more suitable for her.
OP responded:
Her complaint was "Do you understand the pressure of trying to fit into a group of people who are clearly more physically able than you? Feeling the need to tough it out because you don't want the focus on yourself?"
My sister left the military and gets disability checks for her messed up knees and asthma they worsened. I go to physiotherapy for my messed up knees that click sometimes when I move and hips that ache when I'm walking too much.
Sister and I were also both sick that day, I felt nauseous for most of it but pushed through because I wanted her to enjoy it even if just for a bit. And as for after effects my sister was in bed sick the whole next day and still a bit sick the next and my hips felt like pinpricks the next day walking around.
Grouchy-Boss9638 wrote:
NTA. As a type 1 diabetic, you are 100% NTA but your friend sure is. It isn’t your responsibility to care for her disease. She should have been taking charge of her own health and bringing her own low treatments.
She should have spoken up for herself if the walking was getting to be too much. And frankly, what did she think a day at a museum would be if not a walking/standing outing? Friend needs to stop playing the victim and take care of herself.