'AITA for not withdrawing a child support dispute my ex initiated because she now has cancer?'
"AITA for not withdrawing a child support dispute my ex initiated because she now has cancer?"
Ok-Fig-2836
I’m sorry if this is long. I want to give a bit of history before I dive into the issue. I’ll try to be brief. Ten year ago, I found out my then wife for 7 years and mother of our two young kids was having an affair.
We didn’t want to drag things out with the divorce and pay expensive lawyers, so we wrote up our own agreement and had it notarized (we still filed the divorce through court, but it was just submitting documents).
She started with majority custody since the kids were so young, but I would get them more as they got older until we reached 50/50 in a few years. Our state has specific child support guidelines and we agreed to follow them (number of nights, salary differences, and health insurance).
Every year, we exchange salary, insurance information, and any up coming activities the kids may have for the year. Even when we reached 50/50 custody I have to pay child support due to the differences in our salaries.
The whole process was tense and we almost had to get lawyers, but we made it through. She started openly dating the affair partner as soon as divorce was granted. They lasted a couple of years until he found her cheating AGAIN with a coworker! Luckily the kids were too young to remember any of it now.
Around the time they broke up, I started dating my now second wife. She is supportive of me and treats my kids like they were hers. My ex started throwing fits about anything she possibly could and being really cold in general.
She would tell everyone how “hard it is” that I moved on. She’s been petty about random stuff through the years. Like I buy the kids new shoes, and then she would buy them new shoes a couple of weeks later and throw the ones I bought out. Refusing to switch days so my wife and I could go on a honeymoon.
Just random petty stuff. About a year ago, shit hit the fan. My ex had been getting angrier and angrier. Even her bf at the time broke up with her because “she became an entitled witch.”
I had still been paying child support to the cent according to the state guidelines because I earned considerably more than my ex. When my ex learned my wife was pregnant, she flipped and sent me a novel on why I shouldn’t reduce her child support which happens in our state.
I reminded her I’ve always paid what is required, and I will not disadvantage my new child because of her. She also got a much higher paying job that decreased the child support by about half.
With me paying the kids insurance, she was getting around $200/month. She was making 6 figures and didn’t have a mortgage because her parents got her a house. Despite this she would cry poor to everyone. I also paid her thousands when I got my yearly bonus, but she likes to forget that part.
When my wife was pregnant, I decided to change my health insurance to the more expensive elective to cover the costs better. It was only going to be for a couple of years and I planned to go back to the cheaper one after my son was past infancy.
My ex noticed the increase in health insurance when we exchanged information and that her child support would drop to $170/month. SHE FLIPPED! She demanded I either get the lower cost option or still pay her the $200/month. I refused as I was following our state rules. Her insurance was terrible and expensive so she didn’t want to add our kids on hers.
She ended up dropping about $5k for a lawyer convinced I have some hidden money (I don’t). I tried to negotiate with my ex. Telling her I would pay for the entire insurance premium plus 100% of some kid activities if she dropped this.
She refused and said, “I want you to do that plus give me a lot more money. I want see what I can get.” It was pure greed. I ended up getting my own lawyer who has been amazing! I don’t trust my ex anymore and want the child support to be a set order.
Our lawyers have collected and exchanged information and started negotiations. Apparently even her lawyer said I paid what the state would mandate. We were setting up going to court but it would be a bit as her lawyer was busy with a different case and I wasn’t in a hurry to have my support potentially increased as it would include the yearly target bonus.
During the waiting is when the issue in my title came up. My ex was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of months ago. It’s early stages and she should be fine after treatment and surgery. I’ve already told her I would take the kids more if needed.
Now, she wants to call off the entire child support dispute. She said because she wants to focus on getting better and saving money for treatment. In reality I think she wants to call it off because she will not get nearly as much as she was hoping for and waste thousands just to get a very little return.
I told her I didn’t trust her when it comes to child support anymore and I want a set court order. I also don’t trust she won’t restart the entire process once her treatments are done costing me even more.
She’s now crying all over social media that I’m taking advantage of a woman with cancer. I told her she started this entire dispute, and I want it to be over. AITA for wanting to wrap up the dispute to get on with my life?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
FunEliana
You’ve been paying child support according to the state guidelines, and it’s understandable that you want a clear, set order moving forward. Your ex's behavior has shown a pattern of manipulation and pettiness, and it’s entirely reasonable to want to protect yourself from future disputes.
Alisha_MiseryMaven
Sounds like your ex needs to join a circus because they clearly have a knack for juggling lies and drama. Stay strong and protect yourself, my friend.
rjhancock
The moment lawyers get involved, you don't stop until it is all done and in writing. She brought this upon herself. Don't engage on social media. Don't defend nor attack. Just let things happen. If someone asks you directly, tell them honestly "I was abiding by state laws and she escalated to lawyers requesting more than the state mandates. I wish her well."