'I offered to house my mom during snow storm and she invited the neighbors. AITA?'
"I offered to house my mom during snow storm and she invited the neighbors. AITA?"
Hello! I am curious if I’m the AH here. I (31F) live in the portion of the United States where lots of snow and ice took down power lines and trees this past weekend. I am fortunate enough to still have power for myself, my husband and our baby.
I live in a very small house, but offered up my house to my mom (56F) and her dog, who have no power/heat/etc right now. On top of all of this, I have been dealing with a life threatening illness and I do not have energy to take care of myself or even my little daughter, and my husband has been pulling a lot of weight through this.
The first day my mom was without power, I called and offered to drive 30 min, pick her up and bring her and her dog back to my house. She declined as she was worried to leave her neighbor (also 57F) who she had just met the night before and that she’d tough it out.
As soon as the sun goes down, suddenly my mom is begging to come over to my house but I told her it was too late and we wouldn’t be driving on ice after dark. The next morning, I call and offer again and she agrees to come stay with me.
As I’m trying to get out of our icy neighborhood, she calls and lets me know that she wants to bring her neighbor she just met and the neighbor’s dog. I said absolutely not. I’m not trying to be rude, but I cannot take in a stranger and their dog while already struggling to care for my family.
Furthermore, I do not want a strange person or strange dog around my small child. I suggested her neighbor call a friend or check for warming centers, and that if the circumstances were different, then I would help.
She continues to say I am a heartless, immoral, cruel person and she cannot believe she raised me this way. I told her that was fine and I would stop offering to come get her.
She continued to be nasty until her neighbor left her to go to a friend’s house and once my mom was alone, she started begging me to come get her again.
AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA All completely reasonable on your side. I guess your mom got prompt karma. She was willing to be awful to you for the acquaintance she just met, who then abandoned her without consideration for her situation.
NTA. you were already being generous by offering your home while dealing with a life threatening illness and a baby. expecting you to also house a stranger and their dog without asking is wild. calling you cruel for setting a reasonable boundary is manipulative and unfair.
>She continued to be nasty until her neighbor left her to go to a friend’s house and once my mom was alone, she started begging me to come get her again.
NTA, but I'd withdraw the offer. She doesn't get to be nasty to you and then get to benefit from your kindness without an apology.
NTA but your mother is playing you trying to get her way. If she doesn’t understand why bringing in strangers, including a stranger to her and not just you, to your home feels unsafe, she can stay there or save up for a generator for next time and host people at her house. I do understand helping strangers but your situation is vulnerable and clearly the neighbor had other options.
Time-Tell-658 (OP)
Thank you! I was starting to feel like maybe I was wrong to have resources (power/heat/ability to heat up food) and not share them, but I just kept feeling weird about putting my little girl in that position. I even told her that and she wouldn’t listen.
NTA does your mom even like you? You have a life threatening illness and your mom is cussing you out for not letting a stranger and dog into your house with your baby?
Time-Tell-658 (OP)
Right?! I found out I had the life threatening illness on Friday. I’m supposed to be taking it easy and resting, and I have to call EMS if anything whatsoever changes. Snowstorm hit Saturday. So this is very new and the illness isn’t even under control yet. I’m just managing symptoms right now.
NTA. People like to be real generous with other people's resources, boundaries, and safety. You are 100% right to not want a stranger and their dog in your home. Your mom is the AH for making this situation and don't bend to her very obvious manipulation.
Her neighbor should've taken your mom with her and see how whomever she went with get pissed at a random person showing up to their home. Your mom sounds like she needs to learn she can't yank you around like this.
NTA I can see why you live far away. I live in hurricane country and we all know how to prepare. By 50, you CERTAINLY know. Your mom should know how to navigate these things by now.
And inviting someone without asking you first? That's a big problem. My mom is 78 and she is more self reliant than this. I'd move further away, I can already see you'll be taking care of your miserable mom in less than a decade.
Time-Tell-658 (OP)
I used to live 8 hours away from her and she picked up and moved 30 min from me. The distance was so peaceful lol. I wish I could move, but I work a location-dependent job.
Please tell me you aren’t gonna go pick her up 😂😂😂
Time-Tell-658 (OP)
Nah, she’ll have to figure something out because I’m done haha. It’s been two days (which is two more than necessary), of trying to figure this out and I cannot put anymore stress on my body right now.