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'AITA for offering to get my sister groceries from the Dollar Tree?' MINI UPDATE

'AITA for offering to get my sister groceries from the Dollar Tree?' MINI UPDATE

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"AITA for offering to get my sister groceries from the dollar tree?"

My (34/f) sister (43/f) is broke and has no groceries (according to her. I have not personally seen her kitchen). She is asking me for $40 to “borrow” (she never pays anyone back) so she can get some groceries. I told her I’m really strapped for cash right now myself as I just had to pay rent, bills, and take my dog to the emergency vet which in itself cost $487. I don’t get paid again until next week.

As a note, she does not work due to several health issues. Her husband works but doesn’t make that much, yet somehow makes “too much” to qualify for food stamps.

I told my sister what I could do is go to the dollar tree and get some stuff to help get them by until he gets paid. She got upset and offended and said “um… no thanks, I’m good." I told her I watch this lady on TikTok who makes really good looking stuff with dollar tree items.

She still said no especially because their meat looks nasty and her main meal she eats daily is meatloaf which I really can’t afford to get ground beef as it’s so expensive around here right now. I told her well beggars can’t be choosers. That’s her option, either that or go hungry. She said she’d rather go hungry and hung up on me.

So, AITA for offering to get my sister groceries from the dollar tree? I feel like I might be the ahole because, yes, I could give her the $40, but then I wouldn’t be 100% certain that would actually go towards groceries (she smokes weed) and I’ve learned the hard way to never give her cash. But now I feel like an ahole and a bad sister.

EDIT:

I think I gave the wrong impression with the “makes too much” for food stamps comment. The quotations was because I think it’s ridiculous the state denies people food stamps when they’re clearly struggling. I’ve been in that situation too, where I was only able to pay for rent and utilities and get my food from the food bank and still I didn’t qualify. The system sucks!

UPDATE:

Thank you everyone for your input. My dad, whom my sister refuses to have anything to do with (long story for another post), very generously decided to cashapp her $40 for groceries.

And she did show me proof that she spent it on groceries (yes, to make meatloaf and mashed taters lol). Anyways, just wanted to share that. We decided family is family and it was just the right thing to do.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

BlueSkyWitch said:

In general, NTA. The only thing I would say is in regards to the "somehow makes 'too much'" to qualify for food stamps'. That did happen to a friend of mine who had been struggling as a single mom raising her kid (the kid's dad was in prison, so no support coming from him).

She'd gotten a raise at work, and she was initially excited about that...but it put her exactly $1 over the amount she was allowed to make to qualify for food stamps, and yet, she still couldn't afford much. As she put it, "I was actually better off without the raise."

BlueSkyWitch said:

In general, NTA. The only thing I would say is in regards to the 'somehow makes "too much" to qualify for food stamps." That did happen to a friend of mine who had been struggling as a single mom raising her kid (the kid's dad was in prison, so no support coming from him).

She'd gotten a raise at work, and she was initially excited about that....but it put her exactly $1 over the amount she was allowed to make to qualify for food stamps, and yet, she still couldn't afford much. As she put it, "I was actually better off without the raise."

Gold-Somewhere1770 said:

NTA. Anyone truly in need would be grateful to get what they can get. A few dollar tree soups, boxes of pasta, frozen veggies to tide them over. With what you’ve said I agree there’s no guarantee the money would be going towards what she says.

Additional-Tea1521 said:

NTA. I loved when people bought me groceries when I had no money. It is a kind and thoughtful. gesture. Free food is free food, no matter where it comes from. Her diet of only eating meatloaf is ridiculous and expensive. Ground beef is so expensive!

I don't know how the ground beef is at Dollar Tree, but they likely get the meat from the same place as a lot of other grocery chains. If she does not like the look of the meat, she can have pasta. Does she think a national chain like Dollar Tree is selling horse meat instead of cow? Do you know how hard that would be logistically?

harbick said:

NTA. I have a sister who is very similar. She and her husband work, they pay little to no bills (live with my mom), but they are always out of money. I had to learn to stop enabling her and giving her money. I will absolutely buy groceries, pay a bill to the company directly, etc., but under no circumstances will I give her money.

That was a hard lesson to learn and an even harder boundary to enforce, but it was the only thing I could do to keep my sanity and not feel like crap thinking they have nothing to eat.

continually_trying said:

NTA. I’m continually amazed by the food she makes with Dollar Tree ingredients. Her Thanksgiving casserole looked delicious, it’s on my list of things to try. I think your sister wanted the $40, she never wanted food. You did the right thing.

Sources: Reddit
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