'Office flirt hugged a married man at the Christmas party and caused a row. Am I overreacting?'
"Office flirt hugged a married man at the Christmas party and caused a row. Am I overreacting?"
There’s one woman in the office who becomes notoriously flirtatious at corporate Christmas parties.
Married or not, taken or not …if there’s a pulse, she’s trying it.
This year, she hugged a man who had arrived at the party with his wife. This is a man she has -according to him- never hugged before and has barely spoken to. He’s fairly new to the office. He’s also religious and reserved, which made the whole thing even more awkward.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, she then looked at his wife and asked, ‘Who’s this?’ - despite the fact that most of the office knows he’s married. The comment alone made it obvious how little she actually knows him. Either she’s completely clueless, or she’s taking the absolute biscuit.
When the couple got home, the wife understandably questioned why this woman seemed so comfortable putting her arms around her husband, and it sparked an argument between them.
My husband - who’s getting the scoop from his work friends was not impressed. He said that if he had gone around pressing the front of his body up against people, he’d have got in trouble because he’s a man.
He’s convinced there’s a double standard and wants to formally raise it with HR, suggesting that there should be a clear policy about unwanted physical contact at work events, drunk or not.
Apparently, at several points during the evening, other colleagues actually had to step in and tell her to calm down, like literally: ‘Bloody hell, he’s married. Calm down.’ That’s how irritating and over-the-top she was being. So now the question is, is my husband overreacting or is this behaviour long overdue for being called out?
*** EXTRA context: my husband is friends with the man who was hugged. The man confided in him afterwards that it caused an argument with his wife when they got home. My husband also holds a leadership position within the company, which is why he feels comfortable calling this kind of behaviour out.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Long overdue to be called out.
Was she hugging everyone as they arrived? And hugging someone at a Christmas party and being flirtatious aren’t necessarily the same thing. What else was she doing to be flirtatious?
If all she did was hug a married man at a Christmas party and that caused him to get into a fight with his wife at home…that says more about that relationship than it does her being inappropriate at a Christmas party. What was the “flirtatious” part?
Your husband has a point.
Her husband is categorically correct, remember that it wasn't that long ago when men couldn't be sexually harrassed under US law. This is BS... Gay dude here... In a new workplace social situation I had to very firmly and clearly place a barstool between myself and an amorous female colleague. And state clearly, "look, your beautiful and all that but I don't play for your team... Hands off!"
She got the message, we moved on. I think it helped in the end, that I'm a Kinsey 6... Lol... Oddly we were able to overcome that inauspicious start and be solid colleagues.
Needs to be called out, if a man was doing this it would be called harassment.
I'd say he should speak with HR. Her behavior obviously made several people uncomfortable.
Long overdue. He's absolutely right, if he went through randomly hugging people, he would have been called out much sooner. It sounds like some other people were getting upset with her as well, but someone has to be willing to take that first step.
Your husband is NOR...if you think he is, then wait until next year when she is all over your husband. Then come back here and complain how you think your husband is cheating on you. What this woman did is considered sexual harassment, at a minimum.
Bingo. Nipping this (obvious) trainwreck in the bud is the right thing to do. I'm a woman, and when I reverse the roles in this story, I would feel compelled to tell HR too-- worried that I'll be touched against my will next.
I'm also of the mind that while having a drink or two at the office party is okay, getting "pissed" is inviting trouble. Unfortunately, there's always someone at every office who can't seem to control their drinking and brings the mood down.
I think it is reasonable (NOR) of OP's husband to go let HR know what he heard to end this toxic behavior once and for all. There's no reason everyone should be made to feel uncomfortable at their workplace!
Hold on….So you weren’t there for the office party and your husband wasn’t there for the conversation between the wife and the guy that was hugged. The husband that wasn’t hugged wants to speak to HR because they feel uncomfortable. Just curious has this woman attempted to hug your husband. Since she does this to everyone that has a pulse?
And this is 4th hand information because it doesn’t sound like your husband was there….So yes, your husband is overreacting… in fact I’m not even sure why he is reacting like this in the first place.
This sounds like an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved, and it’s fair to want clear boundaries at work events. Wanting consistency and respect regardless of gender is reasonable, especially when alcohol is involved. Hopefully this leads to a calm, professional conversation that helps prevent awkward situations like this in the future.
Not going to make a judgement on whether you are or aren’t OR. But the ONLY person who should be raising this to HR was the man that was actually hugged. It’s not your husbands business at all and to me, this all seems very primary school whispers. But of course, we can only judge on the text above.
For me personally, a hug wouldn’t bother me, even if my wife was next to me, it’s just a hug to me. But of course everyone’s different and that should be respected, which is why it has to come from the the hugged man not anyone else.