'AITA for only babysitting for my 'favorite' DIL and my daughter because the other has too many rules?'
"AITA for only babysitting for my 'favorite' DIL and my daughter because the other has too many rules?"
I, 60s F, have 2 married sons, Frank and Joe, who are married to Callie and Iola, respectively, I also have a daughter, Nancy, and she is married to Ned. (all 30s, all fake names).
I babysit for Callie to help out, and Nancy too, I took an early retirement during covid so a bit bored and like being busy. However, I won't babysit for Iola unless it's an emergency. She has too many rules and I don't really like dealing with her.
For the wedding, I was told the mother of the groom's only job was to be quiet and wear beige. (I did wear beige, and my husband and I paid for the bartender/booze). I was also told not to expect them much for holidays. Yay, but sure, no point arguing.
Now she has a daughter, Beth, 2, and sends her to daycare / hires and babysitter because I refuse to: not have a TV on more than 1 hour at a time, only feed veggie snacks, not take her anywhere in the car, and before she was potty trained, only clothe diapers.
Other DIL and Nancy just pretty much trust me not to do anything crazy and I let the kids watch Disney movies while I clean, take them on errands with me, etc.
Iola says it's unfair that Callie is the "favorite" and I spoil Nancy. Joe quietly has said he understands but doesn't want trouble at home. Frank finds this all amusing. Nancy and Callie just kind of ignore Iola now.
Christmas is coming and it's Joe's time to come here and it's not looking fun, but AITA here? ETA: my husband is pretty much staying out of it because he doesn't retire till next year.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA, free babysitting is a privilege, not a right. And when my kids were babysat,it was my grandma's rules because she was doing me a favor.
As someone who really didn't have that kind of option, I would KILL for a grandma that was willing to take my kids for large chunks of time. I wouldn't have said anything other than "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!"
It doesn't seem that you're not willing to take care of Iola's kids. The offer on the table is you are willing to babysit Iola's kids at your house, according to your rules and needs, so that includes watching Disney movies and sometimes going on errands. Iola refuses this offer. That's on her. Your other DIL and your daughter accept the offer. That works for them and for you. NTA.
Iola seems to want her kid to only experience one set of rules. But it is good for kids to be exposed to different styles of caregiving because reality is full of surprises. Being rigid and raising kids to be rigid is a recipe for problems down the line. This is one way to get picky eaters for example. She can't keep the kid in her bubble forever. NTA.
You are doing a favor. Just tell her you are happy to help as long as she understands that if she babysits is grandma rules.
Did anyone catch the total Hardy Boys names? Frank and Joe Hardy and their girlfriends were Callie and Iola.....Scrolled a little but didn't see any comments on it.
NTA. Free babysitters come with free babysitter rules, and not being allowed to watch a Disney movie, or go shopping/to the park/whatever falls well outside those rules. Want to be picky? Fine, but you get to pay for it.
NTA, imo. I’m kinda of the opinion that if you want a free sitter you can’t be picky & if you don’t like their style of babysitting you don’t leave your kids with them.
I don’t have a problem following my grandkid’s parents’ rules actually. They want to limit tv time, have healthy foods, and not want us to drive, no problem. The only thing I might deviate from some is I always bring over dessert and grandkid gets a reasonable amount with his parents’ permission.
NTA…Tell Iola it is not favoritism. But she has rules while the others do not. That is her choice and you respect that, just as she has to respect your choice that those rules will not work for you. If she wants you to watch your granddaughter, then she goes with what you do when you gave her. Otherwise, she finds other care.
NTA. While I understand the TV one to an extent. But knowing how kids are all they want to do is watch their favorite movies on repeat especially Disney, that’s what I did when I’d go to my grandparents house even when I was older I’d watch my favorite childhood shows (Bear in the Big Blue House) my grandparents still had if I forgot to bring any of my favorite movies with me. But absolutely no errands? That’s a bit much imo.
Those aren't necessarily that hard of rules, but your choice. Do understand that there will be consequences as you will not have a good relationship with that grandchild or, for that matter, your son. When the kids are older, the differences in your relationships with your grandchildren will be obvious to Beth, and she will be hurt by it and assume it is because you don't love her.
It's okay that she wants things done a certain way, it's okay that you don't want to do them that way, she's not entitled to childcare and you're not entitled to watching the kid either. But this should just be a matter of "I'll choose other childcare because I don't like the way you want to do it". Cool, no problem. That would be NAH. It's "unfair"? Naw. NTA there.