'AITA for opening the door like my fiancé's father wanted? The dog fully got out.' UPDATED 3X

"AITA for opening the door like my fiancé's father wanted?"

I'm currently sitting in the bathroom, still at my fiancé's parents' house as I write this, so I apologize for any mistakes. We arrived here 3 days ago, we were supposed to spend here 2 weeks. But his parents don't have time off from work, they both work for the same office and always go at 7 a.m. I'm usually the one who wakes up early, while my fiancé sleeps as much as he can.

The first morning I got up, his father asked me to open the door at 9 every day and let their dog out into the garden. He said that my husband's brother usually took care of it, but he was abroad now, so there was no one to do it. I agreed. At 9 I opened the door and then, three hours later, I let the dog into the house.

I did it again today. Three hours later, four, six, seven, my fiancé's parents were almost home, and I still hadn't heard the dog. I went out into the garden and...he was not there. But the gate was slightly open. I panicked and ran to my fiancé. I told him what happened. We planned to go out and look for dog, but by then his parents had arrived.

I thought maybe the dog had done this before and would come back, or that they knew where he might have gone/if someone could have taken him, so I immediately told them what had happened, and...they yelled at me. My fiancé's mother was shocked and said she had no idea what I was talking about and that they never let a dog out alone.

My fiancé's father was equally furious and asked me if I was crazy and started talking about how I should have known their gate had been broken for years, cant be fully closed and how they would never put their dog in such danger.

I reminded him of our conversation, but he said he didn't remember anything like that and that I should stop blaming him. My fiancé asked if I did it on purpose and started bringing up an incident from a year ago involving their dog. I felt overwhelmed, I and I started and now I'm sitting in the bathroom aend they went to look for the dog.

EDIT: As someone suggested, I called my fiance's brother. He didn't have much time to talk, but when asked him about dog, he said they never let him out. Also, the incident from last year involved a dog jumping on me as I was entering the living room, and I fell and hit myself. I forget about it and I don't remember until my fiancé mentioned it.

Even though my fiancé is sleeping longer, we spent most of the day today moving things from the pantry, moving old furniture to the basement, and bringing new furniture into the kitchen and putting it all together. Even though we are on vacation, we agreed to help his parents.

I've never had a dog. The first time I let him out, he came back three hours later alone and barked. Since no one told me how long he had to stay there, I guess I just assumed it would be like this every day: when he wanted to come in, he would start barking. No, my fiancé doesn't ask about dog even once today.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Plane_Practice8184 wrote:

We are forgetting the OP is a guest who followed instructions from her host. The bigger question is why her boyfriend's father set her up to fail. NTA.

Sharp_Magician_6628 wrote:

You need to rethink this whole relationship. You were given vague directions. They forgot to tell you the gate was broken and you needed to keep an eye on the dog. And now they’re blaming you for their mistakes. Does your fiancé always blame you things that aren’t necessarily your fault? Also being knocked over by a dog is concerning.

https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/

You should check out this quiz while you think things over.

Available_Medicine79 wrote:

You need to call someone in your family to come pick you up and get away from these crazy people. Your fiancé’s dad lied to throw you under the bus and your fiancé backs him up. You need to break up with your fiancé and remove yourself from this family of assholes immediately, it’s not a good situation for you.

Pcitygal wrote:

Absolutely, I would seriously rethink this whole relationship. You did exactly what you were told, FIL knew gate was broken and didn’t tell you or ever fix it, so it’s on him. Many people with fenced yards let their dogs out for longer periods assuming they will return to the door to be let in.

You had never been told about the food or water situation so again on him. If your boyfriend can’t stand up for you for a situation like this then what happens later when more serious things happen.

Mtngrl60 wrote:

Everyone in this whole thing sounds exhausting. Everyone.

I have no clue why your fiancé’s father thought you should take care of their dog instead of asking his own son. That’s my first thing. Because I would’ve asked both of you when you got there…hey, we’re gonna be at work all day.

Your brother usually lets the dog in and out. We’d appreciate it if you guys would please take care of that while you’re visiting us. Reasonable request. I’m not sure if you guys came to visit or if you came to work. Because it sounds like your rearranging and doing a bunch of stuff in their home for them? They didn’t take any kind of time off of work?

So what kind of visit is this actually? It doesn’t sound like any visit I’ve ever had with family. Please note…I understand my family is not the same as everyone, and I wouldn’t have expected my family to take the entire days off that we were visiting, but I guarantee you they would’ve taken some of them off so we could actually spend time together. That was all I meant.

And your boyfriend knows his parents have a dog, but he also doesn’t do anything for the dog? He just let you be in charge of it knowing everything that happened and that you’ve never had a dog? And then his dad lying about a broken gate? WTAF is going on here? They just sound like a bunch of AHs, and you don’t sound like the most logical person in the world either.

I understand you haven’t had a dog before. And what happened last year. But seriously… On the other day, you let the dog in and out. But on this day, you didn’t. This whole thing is just weird. I think everyone’s an AH.

Except the dog.

Not long after posting, OP shared two updates.

EDIT: As someone suggested in the comments again, I sent my fiancé's brother a message saying "Hi, I'd like to thank you for what you told me about your family never letting the dog out and you never doing it at any hour. You really helped me, thanks again." Now he wrote back "you're welcome" and asked what happened, so I'm going to describe everything to him and see what he says.

EDIT 2: I...found dog. I just got up from the floor, wanted to wash my face and do something, and as I was passing window, I saw this: the neighbor's garden, and in it was my fiancé's parents' dog. He was just lying in the middle of the lawn, basking in the sun.

I don't know if he was there all the time but I felt stupid. My fiancé and his parents haven't returned yet. I'm going to the neighbors' to pick up dog. I'm also waiting for a response from my fiancé's brother, and then...I have no idea what im gonna do. My hands are still shaking honestly.

The comments kept coming.

Dawgmom67 wrote:

You left the dog out alone all day? Did it even have wate? And why did your fiance not check on his family dog....he can't be sleeping all day.

And responsible pet owners fix their broken gate. You are all the AHs.

Adelucas wrote:

In the nice weather I leave my back door open for the dogs to come and go as they please. They have plenty of water down in the kitchen. I'm never sure where they are as sometimes they'll be in the garden, sometimes the den, and sometimes on the bed upstairs. My back garden is secure though. Six foot high brick walls all the way round.

SpecialModusOperandi wrote:

NTA. I think your bf’s dad is setting you up. I think you should go home. Or don’t say yes to doing anything unless your bf is there to accept the instructions. If you haven’t owned a dog, why would you expect to go out with it. Your bf’s dad didn’t give you clear instructions of that is what you were meant to do.

A few hours later, OP shared another update.

I didn't think I'd be writing an update on this so quickly, but the last two hours have been very chaotic. This time I'm in bedroom, my fiancé parents still arguing when I'm writing this. I know many people may not know this, so I'll start by saying: the dog has been found. I saw him through the bathroom window. He was in the neighbor's garden, so I went and picked him up.

The neighbor didn't even know about it, she was very surprised when she saw me and when I told her there was a dog in her garden. But luckily she was very nice, didn't make any problems and just let me take the dog.

I have no idea if he was there the whole time or if he only showed up later.

Anyway, I took him home. He's behaving normally, ate, drank, and fell asleep on the couch.

At that time, after I found him, I wrote to my fiancé that he and his parents can comeback.

As I wrote in my previous post, I also contacted my fiancé's brother. He confirmed that the dog was NEVER let out in a way that his father asked me. Then I told him what exactly happened via text.

Here's his response (translated by Google Translator, so again, sorry):

"You need to tell (my fiancé's name) and (their mother's nickname). I'm sorry this is happening and you're having to go through this, but honestly, I'm not surprised. Ever since (dog's name) had that accident [another dog attacked him], [Dad] has become very callous. He's said several times that he'd like to get rid of him [dog], but I didn't think he'd go this far. It sounded more like a joke."

"But why would he tell you to let (dog's name) out into the garden??? and with the gate?? he [dog] isn't even used to it...what. I'll try to contact (their mother's nickname) too. Again I'm sorry you have to deal with this alone."

When they returned, I showed the message to my fiancé and his mother. This started a whole new argument. My fiancé's father continued to argue that he and I had never discussed it, but this time my fiancé and his mother sided with me.

Then, my fiancé's mother asked me and my fiance to leave them. Since then, as I mentioned at the beginning, they've been arguing.

My fiancé apologized and said he was shocked and that he felt stupid for not even noticing that something is wrong.

Honestly, I didn't feel like talking after he accused me with such confidence , so I ended up in the bedroom while my fiancé went to the kitchen. I know this is a chaotic update, and I apologize if anything is unclear, but that's pretty much it. I don't have anything more to say. I have to rethink some things and what happened and what it means for all of us. I also have to admit that I want to back to my home. I feel done.

But thank you to those who suggested I should contact my fiancé's brother. It really helped.

TL;DR: my fiancé's father was hoping the dog would run away and that he could blame me for it. The dog was found.

EDIT: My fiancé's father just left the house. I don't know what happened, but I saw him driving away in the car. And I'm going to pack up and leave too. I really just want to be with my family right now, I'm starting to get stressed just from sitting in room and I can't handle any more conversations.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Go-Mellistic wrote:

You now know that when faced with a challenge, your fiancé’s first instinct is not to be on your side, or even really hear you out. That is excellent info to have before getting married. I think you have 2 options here. One option is that this incident changes the way you see your fiancé and you end things.

The second option is that this raises issues for you two about trust that you try to work through in pre-marital counseling. Personally I would put wedding plans on hold while in counseling.

Good luck to you.

StargazerF wrote:

Seriously, I would just go home.

The dog is safe and home. The three of them need to sort themselves out. I am sorry that you will have to consider your relationship. There’s a time for that. But not now. Go home, clear your head and have a rest.

rez2metrogirl wrote:

Just go home.

Your fiancé’s father did this on purpose hoping the dog would disappear and you would get the blame. The fact that it almost worked is certainly worth re-evaluating your relationship over, but not in their house. Go. Home.

OP responded:

Yeah, I don't even have the energy for all this anymore. It's a little late here, but I'm going to pack and call a taxi. I just want to be with my family.

RF_91 wrote:

Go home, and call off this marriage. Wild that your fiancee would just blindly side with his father instead of giving you any consideration of possibly telling the truth, since he's just been sleeping most of the day anyways and leaving things for you to do. Spouses are supposed to trust and support each other. He clearly does neither of those things for you.

I _Wanna_be_anemone wrote:

Your fiancé chose the word of a man who tried to kill a dog (because throwing it out to be neglected/starve to death/run over is the same as killing an animal) and had to be overwhelmed with evidence from his own brother to finally admit you, the person he supposedly wants to marry, wasn’t lying.

Fiancé backed his dad who was happy to destroy your relationship by framing you for the loss of a family pet. Not only if FIL a spineless coward, he’s abusive. And your fiancé chose him no hesitation. Daddy’s boy probably idealises a lot more of FIL’s values than you realise. Are you sure you want to proceed with this relationship knowing that’s the kind of person you’d be married to?

He betrayed your trust, he was happy to accuse you in the first place until his own brother (a man) spoke up in your defense. This is the person you want to support and advocate for you for the rest of your life? Time to re-evaluate this relationship, as well as whether you could ever trust your fiancé not to turn on you again. Next time, his brother might not tell him to rethink his accusations.