'AITA for snapping at my coworker about why I don’t want kids?'

"AITA for snapping at my coworker about why I don’t want kids?"

I (24F) work in a very niche field. So before I get into the steaming tea, let me warm the kettle with some context.

I genuinely don’t want children. While I’m more than happy to babysit, the idea of the entire pregnancy process and raising a child 24/7 sounds like a full-on nightmare to me. I agree that having kids can be a beautiful thing for the right people, and if that’s what someone wants, good for them!

I know, deep inside, that isn’t the life I want, and it wouldn’t be fair to a child. This is the serious part. Even if I wanted to have any bio-kids, I have been told by several doctors it’s basically impossible for me to have a safe pregnancy.

I have a specific genetic condition, so if I did get pregnant there is a 97% chance that either me, the baby or both of us don’t survive. It might be a sore topic for me, but after talking about it in therapy, it’s something I’ve very open about when it’s brought up. Ok serious part over! On to the story!

I have been working at my job for three years, and it’s a small, tight knit group. Think mom and pops, everyone is a nepo-hire, type small, so I’m close with all my coworkers, and consider them friends. We have work game nights, hangout outside of work, and talk out any conflicts.

Normally I cringe when people say that their company is like a family, but it really does feel like one. As far as I know, I am the only one that doesn’t want children, and I’m more than happy to explain why if asked. My coworkers know my situation, and most are understanding, except Rose.

Rose (late 40s) is a mother of two, and she is a very sweet person. We get along great, and have a lot of fun! However when the subject of kids is mentioned she makes condescending comments to me like “you’ll understand when you have kids.”, or “I don’t know why you don’t want kids! They are a woman’s biggest achievement in life.”

And yes, I’ve told her several times that I don’t appreciate those types of comments. I’ve also told her why many times, without going into detail about my medical condition. Now my lovelies, the kettle has boiled, so here’s the tea!

Last week I was having a rough day at work, lots of creeps and rude customers, so my patience was already very thin. During a slow moment, Rose and I were talking about the trip she took with her kids when she said “I can’t wait until you get pregnant! I think you would make a great mom!”

While I’m flattered that I come across that way, it still makes me feel like she doesn’t see me as anything but someone who’s only goal should be to pop a screaming watermelon out my body.

I respond lightheartedly with “I’d rather be the cool wine aunt than a mom. Kids just aren’t in the cards for me.” She laughed, waved me off and said “Now you’ve done it, you just cursed yourself! You’ll definitely have twins in a couple years, especially if you keep talking like that!”

I, overwhelmed, overstimulated, and fed up, looked at Rose and in an annoyed voice said “if I ever did get pregnant, one of three things would happen. I wouldn’t survive, my baby wouldn’t survive, or we would both wouldn’t survive. That is not an exaggeration, that is the fact of my medical condition.

Please stop telling me I will have kids, because I physically can’t and don’t want them.” Then I walked away to calm down, drink my coffee and recenter myself before returning to work. I never raised my voice, or used any bad language, despite all my Scottish ancestors begging me to sound like a sailor.

After that Rose avoided me like the plague, and being distant towards me. While she wasn’t ever rude to me, something definitely changed between us. When I told my best friend (another coworker) about what happened she said that she did agree that Rose was out of line, however she said I shouldn’t have been so blunt about my medical issues, especially because I know how Rose is about traditional values.

I don’t know if I was way too harsh, or if there was a way I could have worded it better. I know I was angry, and tired of the constant comments but my partner is on my side, and they are being super supportive. They thought I might get more insight or peace of mind from an outside perspective. So now that the tea has been spilled, AITA for snapping at my coworker about why I don’t want kids?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Odd_Substance_9032 said:

Why are you worried about hurting her feelings….you aren’t responsible for them.

MixtureInteresting22 said:

NTA. Rose is totally out of line. "Traditional values" - pheeeew. Lame excuse for poking her nose in your business. Not her business to know if you can't or don't want to. What if you desperately wanted kids?

Your condition would also be a stopper to that and any remarks like that would be damaging to your mental health. Other peoples' recreation plans are never anybody's business unless they are specifically asked about it.

I have both situations in my family - SIL doesn't want for very specific reasons, and while my brother would be THE best dad, he knew that he had to choose between being with his wife (they've been together since they were 18, and we're in our forties now) and having kids, and he chose her.

My sister cannot, she had several miscarriages and it destroyed her. Our mom didn't stop nagging them both (despite already having a bunch of grandkids), and she had to receive quite the backlash from my brother and a longer timespan of NC from my sister. FAFO.

Broken_Imperfection said:

Def NTA. Those comments were uncalled for. You were right to tell her off.

Trekkie_Mum20234 said:

NTA or out of line. I’m a mum… can I tell you how much THOSE mums piss me off! Children aren’t a woman’s biggest and only achievement ffs….Especially not if you don’t want them! I wanted kids, but they’re hard as. If you don’t want them no one should be pushing you to have them. Period.

Passionfruit1991 said:

NTA. Rose isn’t a “sweet person”. If she was, she would have accepted your words before and not ever brought it up again. She is traditional. Whatever. She should keep her thoughts and opinions to herself.

IF she is a sweet person, she will come and apologize to you after reflecting on her hurtful and quite frankly annoying words- and you do NOT apologize to her back either because you have no reason to. You accept and move on.

marspigsmoke said:

NTA. You tried...and tried...and tried...to get across to Rose that you don't want kids. The reason why is, frankly, nobody's business. The fact that she repeatedly jumped over that boundary until you couldn't hold back any longer--kudos for not using any foul language--tells me all I ever need to know about her.