↵
"AITA for ordering alcohol on a double date?"
My fiancé (M30) and I (F34) have been dating for 3 years and engaged since October, 2024. We hardly ever fight, we live together and have a very solid relationship. My fiancé has a best friend whom he doesn't see that often because he lives an hour away, let's call him Jack.
Jack is a very reserved person and he is very sweet and he hasn't dated since my fiancé and him graduated from college, so for the longest time he hasn't had a serious relationship. He met a girl via dating apps a while back and they started hitting it off.
My fiancé and I were very happy for him to finally date someone that he likes but this girl, lets call her Milly, is recovering. Milly had been in a very bad situation from a previous relationship where they were enabling each other. My fiancé and I were a little worried about Jack dating Milly, since she had recently broken up with her ex.
Fiancé and I also thought it was good that Jack doesn't drink alcohol, he never liked it. So far, Jack has been very supportive to the point of helping her find a job after she left treatment. The four of us went on a couple of double dates and in both cases I ended up ordering alcohol (wine) to go with my meal. My fiancé was appalled I ordered alcohol.
After the second double date Jack, asked my fiancé in private to please not order alcohol when we go out next time. This made me feel upset, I feel like this is something I do not want to stop doing for someone else. I do enjoy grabbing a glass of wine with my food if we are going out to a nice place.
I tried to compromise and said we could do breakfast instead or go to places where alcohol is not served. If Jack feels like Milly cannot be around alcohol I understand that, and I can only imagine how difficult it is to live in a world where things are constantly available, but I also feel like he is overstepping in telling me what I can order or not.
I asked my fiancé, what is going to happen when there is a gathering at our house and alcohol is served? Or when we plan our wedding? What is Jack going to do then? My fiancé got upset because he says I am being stubborn and I don't want to be empathetic towards his best friend's girl.
He basically thinks I am being and ahole for not caring about his friend's feeling. I said fine, I will not order alcohol next time but made sure to let him know I am upset that someone else is controlling what I eat or drink. I believe that Jack won't be able to shelter Milly by controlling what other people do. So, please tell me, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
doggynames said:
YTA. It's one meal occasionally. They're not asking you to plan a dry wedding. Get over it.
tgeraghty_10 said:
YTA, they're not controlling what you drink man, they're just asking for a few dinners to refrain from drinking alcohol, could you just have a little awareness and empathy about other people?
Yes, Milly will inevitably run into scenarios where alcohol is part of festivities, and I'm not sure what Jack and Milly are planning to do in those scenarios but it shouldn't matter. Someone your fiance cares about is asking for something, your fiance wants to honor that - surely you can just be a little selfless and go along with it.
LucidOutwork said:
YTA. What if Millie had a shellfish allergy and you were asked not to order shellfish? Would that be such a big deal? Your stance seems so unreasonable. We're talking about a couple dinners. You're blowing it out of proportion instead of making an accommodation for a friend you don't even see that often.
You're making this too big of a deal. If you have a gathering at your house, make sure you let them know in advance if you are serving alcohol. Same with your wedding. Not a problem.
rynIpz said:
Soft YTA, I get not liking others dictating what you drink but it sounds more like they’re asking for consideration rather than demanding it. So then the situation changes to, do you want to do a this favor for friends/acquaintances? This is the the part where you are a soft YTA, because as a friend I would think this would be a no brainer.
PicklesAndCoorslight said:
I'm going with YTA. It's only been a couple of dates. Not sure why you have to order alcohol on that date, or why it would make a difference to go to a place that doesn't service alcohol. The rest of the "what ifs" haven't occurred yet and that is a decision she will need to make then.
That253Chick said
NTA. Is Milly this sensitive with every other customer at these restaurants who are also having an alcoholic drink with their dinner? I sympathize with her, but her problems are not yours. This is something she's going to have to deal with continuously as part of her recovery.
It's great that she seems to have found someone who will stick up for her, and your offer of doing breakfast or going to restaurants that don't sell alcohol at all was a fair compromise, imo.