"Am I overreacting? I'm threatening to call off our wedding..."
My destination wedding is in a few weeks and I am seriously considering call it off if my fiancé doesn’t address his bad breath. My fiancé developed bad breath a few months ago after we moved in together. I have noticed that he had poor oral hygiene habits - only brushes his teeth in the morning and doesn’t floss.
Initially I didn’t want to embarrass him so I would invite him to floss and brush his teeth when I did it in the evenings. I also bought him a mouth wash that specifically targets bad breath but he hardly uses it.
I have been avoiding being intimate with him. Even though I face the opposite direction while we sleep, I can smell his breath. A month ago he pulled in for a kiss and I pushed him away because his breath was repulsive. I pushed him so hard that he almost fell over.
He was upset and told me he doesn’t want to be in a non-intimate marriage so I decided to talk to him about his breath. His response was to accuse me of making up “this bad breath thing” as an excuse to deny him intimacy. He told me that he asked his close friends for their opinions on his breath and they assured him that his breath was perfectly fine.
We were at a restaurant last night and I caught a whiff of his breath…I couldn’t even finish my meal because of it. When we arrived home I gave him the ultimate - sort out your breath or else I am calling the wedding off… I love him but I just can’t deal with this anymore.
NOTE: Firstly, it is true that our intimacy has deteriorated since the bad breath began and I understand that not speaking out sooner created more issues but the smell of his breath while we were intimate made intimacy unenjoyable.
Secondly, even though I have invited him to floss and brush his teeth when I do it at night, he simply declines my invite. He made more effort with his hygiene before he proposed.
I am convinced that this is not a medical issue but a poor hygiene issue. He says I am the only person complaining about his breath. I don’t know how to broach this matter with his friends to get their honest opinions.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
annetheprettygirl said:
Girl, NTA. Bad breath is a symptom, not a personality trait. If he refuses to even check it, that’s a huge red flag. Like, go to the dentist, maybe it’s an infection or stomach issue. You’re not crazy for not wanting to marry someone who won’t take basic hygiene seriously.
Ghostlysmiles said:
NTA at all. Bad oral hygiene is....ugh. But it reminds me of a relationship I was in years ago. The whole thing was great. Loved the way my bf smelled, no bad breath, just good. Then suddenly my bf started to stink.
Breath, body, just horrible. His hygiene had always been bate minimum, and he hadn't smelled bad before, and he hadn't changed anything, so why? Looking back, the smell changed right around the time my feelings were changing, and I was no longer into him. Bodies are weird.
_CinammonBun said:
Poor hygiene is disgusting, especially oral hygiene when you’re in a romantic relationship and are expected to be intimate. NTA.
AlaskaGreenTDI said:
I want to say NTA, but I’m at least a little curious if his friends are just straight up lying to him, or if this is something that you’re specifically just hypersensitive to. Obviously it would still be something you’d be justifiably repulsed by, but it could explain the disconnect on the breath. You need an unbiased breath sniffer!
WorkAcceptable1310 said:
GIRL, NTA, if he cant even fix his breath for you, how will he give you half his money in the divorce?
ShiftyRex said:
No wonder his friends don’t care about it, they don’t have to kiss him. NTA