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'AITA for giving my roommate 1 month leave after she told me she is due in a week?' UPDATED 2X

'AITA for giving my roommate 1 month leave after she told me she is due in a week?' UPDATED 2X

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"AITA for giving my roommate 1 month leave after she told me she is due in a week?"

MissAnn-Thropy

I (30f) have been living with my best friend (30f) since 2020. I own the house, and knowing she was going through a tough time I opened my doors to her. She shared that she has kleptomanic tendencies. I appreciated being told.

A few months later I noticed some of my things had gone missing. I confronted her, she denied and blamed the other roommate we had. The third roommate left my things continued to go missing.

After a trip to another country she announced that she was pregnant. The announcement came just as I had a termination. I wanted to be happy for her, but the trauma and grief of my own situation kept me from being the friend that she needed me to be. As a gesture of kindness, I offered her the spare bedroom to host her baby rent free.

My bestie's baby is born and its a personal hell for me. Every time her baby cried it haunted me and reminded me of my own decisions. We had spoken about her moving out and she said around the time her baby turned 1 she would leave.

I figured part of it was post partum, but my bestie stayed in her bedroom with the baby for about 8 months. I confronted her about this, that's when she drops that CPS is involved because the house is disgusting and smells like cat pee. I lost it, full anxiety attack while cleaning the house.

A few months go by. My things are still going missing, and money as well. No update from CPS. She is on the social housing list at this point, still in her bedroom with the baby. Im getting ready to confront her again about being in the room all the time, when she drops a last minute trip out of country.

She informed me once she got back from her trip that CPS threatened to take her baby because the house has not improved. At this point I'm wary, there hasn't been any written evidence of CPS being involved.

I called them directly to see if I had any rights to be informed. CPS stated that they could not share anything due to confidentiality. I had a firm talk with my bestie. If CPS is telling her that it is an unfit environment for a child, then she needs to leave.

She assured me that it would be fine until social housing finds her a new place to live. It is now 4 days shy of her child being born. Shy of a full year I've been silently tormented by living with a baby. My things and money still missing. I can feel myself at the end of my rope.

We get into an argument about the garbage and the dishes. I tell her, "the simplest solution is for you to leave." She says, "is this really worth losing our friendship over?" I explain that I need to have the physical space around me to heal and be by myself.

The conversation simmers down. I direct my attention to the baby daddy who is staying for 3 weeks with us, and ask him to address a comment he made about a new born. She looks at him, then looks at me.

She stands and lifts her shirt showing a very pregnant belly, "I'm due next week." I cried, and gave her the reaction a friend would want. Genuinely I felt joy for her. Then it hit me, there's going to be another baby in the house.

I'm mentally not strong enough for that again. She also hid the entire pregnancy from me, while living together! She said she couldn't tell me because every time we had a moment to talk it ended up being about my grief.

I sat her down yesterday with our tenancy agreement. I emphasized that we are on month to month and I will not be renewing the agreement. She looked at me with a blank reaction and agreed. No tears, no asking why, just acceptance.

Even though I finally had evidence that someone else is taking my things, I didn't confront her about it. At this point, I'm willing to take the loss. I never wanted to be that AH that kicks out a mother with her newborn, but I cannot take it any more. In trying to preserve me sanity, AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

YTA to yourself for living like this for a year. Learn to put yourself and your mental health first and say no. You are being taken advantaged of. Put a stop to it.

Start the formal eviction process, she won’t leave quickly or quietly.

OP

I'm really hoping it doesn't go there, but I have a feeling it will. She has until July 1st to m ove out, then ill have to get the landlord tenant board involved.

Kick baby daddy out now. Before he has tenant rights. Tell her she needs to go. You may need to evict. Get a safe for your valuables!

Clean_Factor9673

NTA. She needed to go long ago. If it's her child in jeopardy from CPS, she needs to leave; my guess is since it's not her house and the alleged reason for CPS is it's not clean enough, CPS would've found her emergency housing because her child was unsafe.

She's trying to manipulate you. Lock up your money and weed; you should've locked it up when she moved in. A better reason for CPS is she's using drugs while pregnant. Don't let her return after giving birth. Make sure someone else cares for her child at another location. Tell her you'll call CPS yourself if she abandons her child with you.

Your friend is not really a friend. Sounds like a nightmare.

How did you not notice your friend’s “very pregnant belly” until she lifted her shirt? What kind of shirt is that?

OP

She would wear baggy sweaters and blankets when she left her room. I honestly thought she was gaining weight but was too polite to ask.

Later OP came back with these updates:

Update: I called for legal advice and I've been informed the following: due to our living situation (sharing a bathroom and kitchen) she does not need notice to be evicted, if she does not leave on the date set I am to call the police to have her escorted from the property and change the locks, if anything further comes of this it will be handled in small claims court.

I called CPS. Again, denied information for confidential reasons. I stated the reasons for the alleged CPS case, they said they would look into it. They are supposed to get back to me, but I have not heard back from them yet.

You guys called it, it was not 3 weeks of visitation. When I asked him about it he said he was planning to be here till "sometime in July". Talked to my roommate about it, she said, "oh, I must've misspoke. I meant to say a month".

I said, "no, you said 3 weeks. So this is where I'm at, do I: play hard ball and say he has to leave, or let him stay on the condition that he helps you pack and you must be out end of the month"?

Obviously, she agreed with the latter. Both of them offered to pay additional rent while he is staying, I declined. I told them to use it towards a down payment on an apartment.

We're half way through the month and there's been no visible progress of packing. I've taken it upon myself to start collecting her items from the common areas and pile it together so that its easier for her to box it up. They are either up in the room or out for weekends at a time.

My plan at this point is to call the police on July 1st if they do not leave. Im going to have the locks changed on July 2nd (due to a holiday on the 1st). Update to come.

Update 2: My roommate has finally moved out. She slowly moved things out over the last week of the month. On the last day she didn't come until 3:30pm to move things - by herself, one month post partum. Baby daddy showed up 2hrs later. They rented a truck for 7:30pm to take all the furniture.

In the end she found an apartment. She was reluctant to give me information about it and I still don't know more than its a 2-bedroom on the other side of town. Needless to say I don't expect to be invited to the house warming party.

She has left behind miscellaneous items, stains, and holes in the wall. Honestly minimal damage, but still annoying as I am going to have to replace the baseboards in the rooms she was using.

She is still coming by the house after moving out, asking for items. Unfortunately there is a condition in our agreement that if she can name an item within 6 months of moving out she may have it returned (condition of the item is not guaranteed, nor that it will be found or returned).

Other roommates I've had that moved out usually take a couple weeks to settle into their new home and come to me with a list of things they notice were forgotten. There's so much left behind I don't want to be accountable for it. Im putting it all in a box and dropping it off at her mom's house.

As to be expected she raided my supplies. I mean ALL the cleaning supplies, raided the cupboard and my spices. At this point, just take it and good riddance.

As for CPS, there has been no contact whatsoever. Im going to assume that they aren't pursuing this case. I don't want to press the issue further. If they are involved or not that is her burden to bear.

There's a lot of little things go I could complain about, but I've already wasted so much energy on this Im ready to move on. Im grateful I did not need to call the police, and the locks are officially changed.

My parents have been supportive through this process and even came to clean the house after she left - they brought over supplies. I've been going through waves of loneliness, but like I've been told many times before: an empty house is better than a bad tenant.

Thank you to those who offered support through the comments. Your perspectives have been insightful. I got the message loud and clear: STOP BEING A DOOR MAT! I'm excited to move forward from this experience and show that my kindness is not to be taken as weakness.

Sources: Reddit
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