'AITA for packing something I shouldn't have when I helped my friend move?'

"AITA for packing something I shouldn't have when I helped my friend move?"

I helped my friend pack a Uhaul to move to another state. It's a long drive (about 12 hours - this is relevant). He asked me to, "Box up everything in the closet." The closet was full of a lot of random items. Old hardware, old mail, empty boxes, instruction manuals, etc. It was not "tidy". There was a lot of stuff haphazardly tossed in there.

I packed up the closet, and went on my way. A few days later he texts me asking if I, "boxed up the thermostat in the closet." I said I wasn't sure. I don't remember specifically putting a thermostat in the box, but I definitely emptied the closet completely. Anything in the closet was packed unless it was clearly garbage.

He replied, irritated, saying, "I’m not upset with you or blaming you but god damn it (my name) there was a Nest thermostat box right next to a rinky dink ass thermostat that was out in the open 😭😭"

So: now the old thermostat is packed away in the uhaul, but it belongs to the landlord. So he needs to find a way to reinstall it or presumably be charged for a new one (plus labor).

And he was blaming me for packing it away, claiming that I should've gleaned that this item I packed (the thermostat) did not belong to him based on the fact that it was adjacent to an empty box for a Nest thermostat. I knew he had smart thermostats in the house, but I did not know that they were his.

I responded and said, "There was a ton of random stuff in there, I had no way of knowing what you wanted to keep and what you wanted to toss or what was supposed to go with what. You told me to pack the whole thing up and I did. You say you're not blaming me but you low-key are implying I should've known and I disagree."

He said, "I think it’s more of a common sense kind of thing but it’s fine. I’ll fly back to maybe clean this place up and turn in the keys and I’ll install the thermostat when I do that."

This really upset me, especially considering I went out of my way to help him move. He did technically apologize, but I sensed he was still irritated. I let it go and moved on. Fast forward to today, he is talking about how he may need to fly back just to put the thermostat back.

I offered to install it myself if he would mail it to me. As we were discussing this he commented, "Yeah it's fine, I know you probably just did it because of your ADHD." This comment was upsetting to me because it confirmed my suspicion that he still blames me for packing away the thermostat and believes I "should've known better" or something.

I am really annoyed by this situation. I don't feel I should need to take responsibility for his mistake (i.e, telling me to box up the whole closet when he evidently had something in there he wanted to keep).

AITA for packing up the thermostat?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

LunarWhaler wrote:

Yeah no. NTA. This reads to me like your friend realized way too late that he messed up, and his ego demanded that he make it Someone Else's Fault. You did exactly as asked, and what he's saying you should have pulled from the aether as a deduction is nonsense.

plantlady618 wrote:

NTA, and to blame your ADHD, when the situation is clearly their fault is ghastly.

OP responded:

Yeah this is what chafes me the most. He originally apologized to me, and I forgave him. And then today, out of nowhere, made this ADHD comment. It seems his original apology was more of a, "Sorry for being mean...BUT...you should've known better."

Like he was apologizing for implying that I don't have common sense, but simultaneously holding his ground that I am somehow at fault for this, or that I made a mistake a "normal" person without ADHD wouldn't make. It's hard for me to be objective in this because I do have ADHD, and I don't want to be insensitive to how it may impact the people around me. Hence my post here

SupermassivePanda wrote:

NTA. He forgot about the thermostat too, the only difference is that if he were doing his own tasks ahead of time instead of waiting so long that he needs a friend to help and things are being packed up in a haphazard box...he would have seen the thing and known to set it aside instead of packing it.

You didn't forget something, you were missing information. HE forgot something. When I move, the first thing I do is start making a list of stuff that needs to be "restored" like chipped paint, the shower heads, etc. Specifically because they're easy to forget when you start packing. His not doing this has absolutely nothing to do with you.

It sounds to me like this friend is not a great friend. He wants your help, then gives you bad instructions and blames you for following them, then tries to deflect onto your ADHD? AND he'll soon by 12 hours away? It just doesn't sound like you're getting much out of this friendship anymore.