Wife asks if it would be wrong to leave paralyzed husband after his affair. AITA?
"WIBTA if I asked my paralyzed husband for a divorce?"
Rosalie-83
I know the title is very alarming, don't attack me. I'm not sure if I will do an update about this because this is actually too much. I won't be ranting my head off to you guys so don't worry, just a little backstory.
I (35F) have a lot to explain. My husband (36M) got into a car accident December 23rd, it was the worst day for because I was scared that he would lose his life. He didn't and made it through.
He is paralyzed only in his legs but he does go to therapy to build his muscles. The doctors don't know if he will get the chance to fully walk again but during his therapy session there is a lot of progress.
In February I found out that he was cheating on me since last year, I don't know how well he knows this girl but looking at his text message, they know each other pretty well.
We have a 15 year old together and I am 4 weeks pregnant but my husband doesn't know. I didn't even know I was pregnant until last week and ever since I found out I've been thinking about not having the baby.
I can tell he knows something is off with me because when he tries to touch me I cringe, I don't even sleep in the same bed as him anymore. I've been having doubts about having another child.
I wouldn't want to be locked down for the next 18 years, I already know I feel like a POS but too much is going on and I don't know what to do in this state of mind. I know I have to get a lawyer and figure out a plan for how I am going to leave him.
So, after hearing more of the full story, here were the top rated comments from readers:
Key-Bookkeeper8155
NTA, for the divorce or the abortion. A baby will add such a complex layer to this situation, I don't blame you for wanting to avoid complicating things even more. Do what's best for you and your teenager.
InvoluntaryGeorgian
Yeah. If they only have a 15-yo she'll be free and clear of ex-husband in just a couple of years. That is *very* different from a close to 20-year reset with the baby. OP needs to really think about what she wants the next two decades of her life to look like.
Does she want to be able to move where and when she wants? Custody will make that very difficult. Does she want to date and perhaps marry someone else? Having an infant will make that significantly more complicated.
This isn't the only consideration, of course, but it's often hard for people inside a failing marriage to really envision what a post-marriage life will look like. OP has a choice to make right now that will have repercussions for many years of her life.
Rosalie-83
Not only that but mistress could become step mum and that adds a whole other layer of pain with co parenting with two people who have zero respect for boundaries 🤷♀️😬🤦♀️ NTA OP. Stop being his support and get the divorce started. He can move in with miss thang for her to be his caregiver.
Positive-Wait-492
YWNBTA. he cheated you have every right to leave him.
durnan16
Nta. You would be doing it because he’s cheating, not because he can’t use his legs.
survival-nut
NTA but make sure you get your story out first with the evidence so he does not tell everyone you left him because of his disability. Make it all about the affair. Also get an STI test.
Expression-Little
NTA, cut out the 2nd paragraph and you have your answer.
He cheated, it doesn't matter if he's paralysed at this point.
brazenback
You have every right to get an abortion, divorce, and be happy. Your ex is trash and he did an amazing job taking himself to the dumpster. Your main focus right now should be to have an exit plan, and make sure your daughter gets the proper support during divorce.
I wished I could give you a hug to tell you you’re not wrong for whatever you choose in the end. You deserve someone that won’t cheat on you and will love you. Best of luck!
Main-Top-2881
NTA. You're not leaving him because he's paralyzed. You're leaving him because he's a dirty cheater. His side piece can take care of him now. Also, personally, I wouldn't more forward with the pregnancy. If you feel like you would resent this baby don't have it.
If you feel like you love them the same as your other child then keep it. It will be messy with a divorce but like I said if you feel like you can love the baby even when the father is putting you through it then keep it.