Parent allows son to bring souvenir snacks to class knowing it would exclude gluten-free kid. AITA? UPDATED.
"AITA for allowing my child to bring in souvenir snacks for his class despite knowing this would exclude one of the kids?"
I recently went on a holiday to Japan with my son (7) and whilst we were there he tried some delicious biscuits which he really wanted to buy and share with his classmates once he got back. Obviously I was happy to purchase some additional and found it really sweet he wanted to share with everyone.
I didn’t think about it at the time of purchase since we were mid holiday in a different country, however when we were back and I was packing my son's bag for his first day back at school I suddenly remembered that he has one classmate, let’s call him Joe, who has a gluten allergy and wouldn’t be able to eat these biscuits.
But it was too late for me to do anything about this, it was late and shops were closed so I wouldn’t be able to buy an alternative plus they wouldn’t be from Japan anyway and would be from the local supermarket. I also wouldn’t have had time to pick any up in the morning because i work full time.
Son was happy bringing them to school and said everyone also enjoyed them. However I got an angry phone call from Joe’s mum saying that I shouldn’t have let my son bring in those biscuits knowing that her son would be excluded.
She said that I should cater to allergies especially children’s allergies, which I would understand if it was say for example peanut allergy which is life threatening, but should gluten intolerance be treated with the same extreme caution?
I’m not sure if I was the AH for still allowing my son to bring in the biscuits despite me knowing one kid wouldn’t be able to have any?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
miriandrae said:
NTA - I’m Celiac, my 5 year is also, and even if you sent something GF in for him, I wouldn’t have allowed my son to eat it. The risk is too much. I make sure that my son has high value snacks with his teacher JUST for this scenario.
You can’t exclude/include every allergy/scenario. There’s egg allergies, soy allergies, etc. it’s up to the parents of these kids to make sure they have safe treats on hand.
0biterdicta said:
I'd go ESH Joe's mom is wrong to want to stop the entire class from having a cool treat because her son can't have any. But would it really have been that big a deal to wait one more day to bring the cookies to confirm Joe wouldn't be completely left out? Honestly, seems like a bad move to bring snacks without checking with the teacher first in general.
NieMamSupermocy said:
Nta. I love people who think that the world is spinning around them. It as a nice gesture to bring sweets from Japan. It’s also nearly impossible to buy something gluten-free even in Tokio and even if you get something from one of few bakeries, it’s not so tasty. Trust me.
If kid has an allergy, mum should explain him that he has to be careful and do not eat “contaminated” product. Saying that it’s your fault and your son shouldn’t have brought sweets because of the allergies of one kid it’s so unfair. It was a move like: I demand the school shop with gluten pastries to close, because my son cannot buy stuff in it. I’d make miserable 99 people to not make one sad.
Lead-Forsaken said:
NTA. I have celiac and can't eat gluten. Yes, it sucks to miss out on things, but that doesn't mean everyone else has to miss out on stuff.
throwaway1551155115 said:
NTA, I’m tired of parents feeling like everybody needs to cater to their child. While it would have been nice to think about his allergy in Japan, a simple mishap shouldn’t expel all classmates from being able to enjoy an experience.
I know how mad I was when we got a student that didn’t want to be around celebrated holidays right before my birthday which forced the class to stop celebrating birthdays. Your kid is not the end all be all for all kids, people have their different beliefs and they should also be respected instead of silenced.
It’s like putting 1 persons beliefs over another and essentially highlighting how much more important their beliefs are compared to yours. I know I’m ranting but still good on you for giving those students an experience not many really get, can’t have it? Sucks to be you.
dutchy81 said:
NTA, in my kids' classes, it's normal that the parent of a child with allergies/restrictions provides the teacher with safe snacks to give to the child in cases like this. Her child is not your responsibility. It would have been nice if you brought something for him too, but you forgot, and that happens.
UPDATE:
My son was doing a story time about his trip to Japan and wanted to share the biscuits as part of his story. know about Joe;s intolerance because it’s happened before with other parents bringing in classroom snacks and events.
Joe would not eat any of the snacks brought in unless it’s been made 100% sure there’s no gluten in it and when there’s been a school event I think they always have something separate for him. For the biscuits my son brought in, the ingredients were in Japanese so the teacher let Joe know and he did not have any.