'AITA for 'parenting' my nephew after he was misbhehaving in my home?'

"AITA for parenting my sister’s child?"

I’m 29 (f). My sister, “Jenny”, is 28. She has two children. Her youngest, Jamie (2m), is who I am focusing on. My sister came over to my house with her two children. When Jamie came in, he remembered that I keep a ball on top of my tv unit (it belongs to my son, also 2m). I took the ball down for Jamie to play with.

He was kicking it against a wall, and that was fine until my son wanted to play with him, and then all Hell broke loose. Screaming. Fighting. Hair pulling (Jamie pulling my son’s). I separated them and then tried taking the ball away from Jamie, who was still screaming. I said (to both of them) “No, we don’t do that.

We share the ball or there is no ball for anyone.” Jamie stopped screaming, but then he kicked at me. Stunned, I said “Excuse me?”. Jenny, who was observing from my sofa said “He is trying to kick the ball, not you”. Okay then.

My son came up to me and asked for another ball, so I got a second ball out for him to play with. Jamie kept the first ball. No more screaming. No more fighting. Then came the chocolate.

My older nephew was helping to look after my baby (4 months). I had some chocolate bars in my fridge and asked if he wanted one. He said yes, so I grabbed a selection, letting him pick one. After this, I offered the remainders for Jenny and Jamie to choose from.

I opened the bar for Jamie. He was eating it without fuss. However, I left the room to change my baby’s nappy, and when I came back, I saw that Jamie decided to break the chocolate onto my (luckily) wooden floor and smeared it in with his hands. I told him not to do that. Jenny said “It’s wood. It will come out”. Right.

I got a cloth and cleaned it up. At this point, I was done with it and said “It’s getting late." Then came the ball again. Jamie had left the ball alone so my son thought it would be fine to take. He started to play with it, Jamie came running, screaming “my ball” and tried grabbing my son again. I said “No, do not do that” and then Jamie screamed at me, took the ball from my son, and kicked it at my tv screen.

I raised my voice so he could hear me over his screaming. “You do NOT kick balls at televisions!” Jenny glared at me and told Jamie to “Come here. We’re going.” She packed him up. His brother got his things and said goodbye. Jenny said “bye” and walked out. Cue to this evening.

I call my grandmother to see how she is and she brings this up, telling me that I should not parent my nephew. Firstly, he is in my home, fighting my child, smearing chocolate into my floor, screaming constantly, and kicking balls at my television. Jenny did not tell him to behave once. I told my grandmother that I would not have said anything if Jenny had stopped Jamie to begin with.

Now we are agreeing to disagree on things. Jenny won’t be welcome back any time soon. I don’t regret what I have done. If that makes me TA, so be it. But would anyone have handled this differently?

This is what people had to say to OP:

zephyrjd21 said:

I would sworn at Jennie, I think you did good! NTA.

OP responded:

I don’t swear. Hearing me say “fudge” would be quite pathetic 😅

Spinnerofyarn said:

NTA. That’s a, “You have options, parent your child and teach them appropriate behavior and how to handle their emotions. Or, let me do it. Or, accept he’s no longer welcome in my home. What isn’t optional is him hurting my child. If he makes messes, you have to clean it up.

If he breaks, ruins or takes something not his, you need to get it back to me in original condition or replace it. Your last option is to do none of those things and you aren’t welcome in my home, either.”

Yes, that’s going nuclear. She’s raising a child who will be a bully, rude, disrespectful and even worse for his sake, have no ability to regulate his emotions. I wonder if your grandmother has the full story about his behavior? Since she only heard your sister’s side, I doubt it. If so, it makes me wonder if lousy parenting runs in your family. Protecting your home and possessions isn’t unreasonable.

OP responded:

My grandmother is old-fashioned. The way she would parent was far stricter, and is very much illegal now. She has an issue with whatever anyone does that disrupts her peace.

deliciousPunany said:

NTA. She expected you to say nothing to correct your nephew? I don’t understand.

OP responded:

According to my dear grandmother, she said “She had no right to parent my child.”

And Malphas43 said:

NTA. I'd ask grandma if she would then be willing to pay for the property damage in the future and hospital visits that result after you no longer break up fights/attacks. I feel bad for Jenny's older child, who has to put up with this at home.

Everything the child did involved your son and your property. You had every right to step in when Jenny didn't and she's very lucky you didn't escalate the way someone else would have.