Parents scorn daughter for walking out on dinner after they called her GF 'disgusting.' AITA?
"AITA for leaving dinner with my parents after they called my girlfriend disgusting?"
I have a situation I need to know if I'm wrong about. So, I (32F) have been dating my girlfriend I'll call Ruby (48F) for around 10 months. Yes, I'm well aware of our age gap. I'm a fully grown woman. I can make my own choices. Ruby treats me well, and she's been the first in a long string of bad exes to do so. She is honestly an absolute angel.
For some context, me and my parents (67F and 65M) have never been close, as they honestly didn't really give a damn about me when I was a kid. I was always being handed off to nannies and ignored when I would try to play with them.
They would always leave me behind with said nannies when they went on business trips and vacations, and then when I got older, they would just leave me all alone. It was a horrible way to grow up, but I've moved on from it. I can't let my childhood define my entire life. Once I moved out, we rarely talked besides holidays and birthdays.
Anyway, in the past couple years, my parents have started reaching out more and trying to connect. I was a little weary at first, as I thought maybe they wanted something from me, but after feeling them out for a bit, I think they just feel bad for how they ignored me when I was young.
I slowly started letting them into my life, and a few months ago, told them about Ruby. They immediately jumped into telling me how I'm too young to be dating someone so old and so on and so forth.
I shut that down immediately. I told them they don't get to say stuff like that to me, ever. They can support me after all the stuff they pulled, or go away. That seemed to shut them up.
Fast forward to last night, me, Ruby, and my parents all had dinner together. It was their first time meeting her. It was going smoothly up until Ruby pecked me on the lips before going to the bathroom. The second she was out of earshot, my mom just blurted out something like (I can't exactly remember) "Ruby absolutely disgusts us. She's disgusting."
I didn't say anything, but I was just so stunned as they both started trying to explain that they can't accept this relationship or some BS. I barely remember, all I could hear was static.
I flagged down our waitress, told my parents that we're leaving, and paid the bill as we all sat in awkward silence (I guess they didn't want to embarrass themselves in front of the waitress? I don't even know). By then Ruby was back, and she was totally confused.
I explained everything in the cab home, and I honestly started tearing up a bit. I was finally starting to think I actually had parents, but then they go and say shit like that. Ruby was pretty shocked and comforted me.
Now, my parents have been calling and texting me, scolding me for leaving like that, and saying that they just want me to date someone right for me. They even looped a couple aunts and uncles in (who never even really gave a damn about me ever) and have them telling me to answer my parents and apologize. Just need to know, was I wrong?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA While the age gap is significant and you should keep your eyes open for any red flags (particularly when you have a history of dating the wrong people), you are a grown person who can make her own decisions.
It's one thing to be concerned about you, but your parents crossed a major line by insulting your girlfriend when they were already on shaky ground. They said something that can never be unsaid. Are you sure this isn't more about you being in a lesbian relationship than the age gap? If they were truly concerned about her age, that was a strange way to address it.
NTA. Time and place to be calling your partner disgusting and in a restaurant while Ruby stepped away is bad timing. That discussion could have been had in private on the phone or at their home another time.
My mom had a hard time with my partner and made it clear she wasn't welcomed. I made it clear that that's her choice and I wouldn't be coming around because my partner and I come as a package. They could either choose to live in their discomfort and love me or they could choose to not be included.
They can absolutely object and have their own opinions for what they think you deserve. Vocalize it. But you also have a choice here and you seemed to have made the one that prioritized your partner - good for you! Your parents should be the ones apologizing for being rude at dinner.
NTA - You and your girlfriend are both fully formed adults. There’s nothing inherently untoward about that age gap at this point in your lives. You don’t owe anyone an explanation on that.
It seems like your parents are wanting to play house with you now that you’re an adult since they didn’t do it when you were younger. You’re not a teenager for them to worry over, and they’re entitled to living out their parental fantasies with you now when they willfully excluded themselves from that then.
Age gap doesn't matter if y'all met as grown ass adults. It'd be weird if Ruby picked you up at 17 or 18, but I imagine that isn't the case. NTA. These people forfeited their right to be your parents ages ago, don't bother caring about their opinion on someone who EARNED the right to be your family.
NTA. Your parents spent years emotionally ghostin’ you, then wanna waltz back in and trash the first person who actually treats you right? Nah. That’s peak audacity 💀. You didn’t overreact you protected your peace and your partner.
Their “disgust” says way more about their terrible priorities than your relationship. They had a chance to rebuild trust and blew it by pullin’ the same toxic crap. Now they’re weaponizin’ family to guilt you? Classic manipulation playbook 🚩.
Ruby sounds like a keeper. Your parents? Not so much. Keep those boundaries steel-reinforced. You owe them nothing not an apology, not your time, not a single tear. Focus on the family you’re choosing, not the one that failed you.