'AITA for uninviting my parents to my wedding because they plan on leaving early?'
"AITA for uninviting my parents to my wedding after they said they would be leaving early to throw a separate 'celebration' at their house?"
Me and my girlfriend just got engaged after almost 9 years of dating and are planning on having our wedding spring of next year. With this we have begun planning the wedding and one of the topics that came up was if we want kids at our wedding.
We are both the oldest kids/cousins in our family and with this have had multiple little kids at every major event in our lives. We decided that we do not want young kids (under 10) to attend the reception as we want to have a more adult style of reception.
When mentioning this to my mother she was not happy with the decision we made as some people will have to leave early because of the no kids rule. There are 3 families that are invited that have kids under 10 with a total of 7 kids under 10 years old.
Me and my fiancé were expecting at least one of the parents if not both from each family to leave early to take care of their kids and were completely ok with this as they have other responsibilities to tend to.
Now my mother is saying that her and my stepdad will be leaving early so that they can throw a separate celebration at their house so that the people that are forced to leave since they have kids have somewhere to go and can still have a good time. With this she is telling most of the guest from her side of the family (about 50 of the 125 invited) that they should come to her party instead of the reception.
After hearing this from her we got into a heated argument, with her saying she is doing what she feels is right and doesn't need my permission to throw a celebration. it ended with me saying "You are choosing to throw a 'celebration' at the same time as our reception against our wishes, which you don't need our permission for, you are right about that.
But if you are going to leave early because you feel it is the "right thing to do" you can just not worry about coming to the wedding in the first place. Because I certainly feel the right thing to do would be to support your kids wishes on his wedding day instead of leaving early to go party somewhere else."
This is very difficult for me to accept as I have always imagined my parents being there on my wedding day but at the same time we do not want her there if she is just going to leave early to go party somewhere else and try to take half of our guests with her. AITA? Any feed back is greatly appreciated. I will try to answer any questions as quickly as possible.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BulbasaurRanch said:
Your mother in intentionally trying to sabotage your wedding out of spite because you don’t want children at your wedding. Are your guests likely to snub your wedding in favor of her party?
You should outline to your mother how this action will have a lasting impact on your relationship with her, and her presence around your kids (if any) will be limited because your trust in her is broken by this. NTA.
Internal_Progress404 said:
NTA. However, I think if your mom isn't coming, you should volunteer her as the babysitter for those children, so their parents can stay at the reception. Problem solved.
WeddingElly said:
NTA. Your mother is absolutely trying to hijack your wedding. People keep acting like no-kid weddings are something rare or unheard of, but actually they happen all the time, some people cannot make it, some can, and the world goes on. Children, especially little children under the age of 10, do not need to be in absolutely every situation at every single moment.
I'm sorry that your mother is not getting the full on family reunion that she wanted, but it is not a "bouncy house family reunion picnic and BBQ," it's your wedding reception. She can throw a family reunion at a different time, not simultaneous to your reception. Weddings are also super boring for children anyways - they go on forever and involve a lot of sitting around, being quiet and listening to speeches.
chaosunleashed1 said:
NTA. Your mother doesn't have to be okay with the rules you've laid out for your wedding. Her taking matters into her own hands is not her place and in my opinion she is making this wedding less about you and more about catering to the needs of who is going to be there.
Glittering_Win_9677 said:
NTA. This is messed up. If she wants them to have a place to party, the people with kids can go to your mom's house and relax until after the reception, at which time your parents cam join them and continue to celebrate. She should not be insulting you and dividing the family with her nonsense. I'm sorry she doesn't consider your wedding to be more important than this.
amazonrae said:
And this is why eloping is a thing. Your mom sounds like a jerk. NTA.
Thesexyone-698 said:
NTA, "Dear mom, I just want you to know that this is a odd hill to die on and to end our relationship on but if you having that party is worth more then having a relationship with me for the rest of your life that is your choice but that is what this has come to!"
I'm sorry that she has chosen to cut your remained but please don't feel bad, SHE is the AH and has made this decision, choosing 7 kids over her own child! I would never do that and I have adult children!