'Parents sat me and my little brother down for a talk, and now my whole world is falling apart.
"Parents sat me and my little brother down for a talk, and now my whole world is falling apart."
I have never done a post like this before. This is my very first so I don't know what I'm doing. So today after I got off work st around 3, my parents had decided to pick me up. We got home and about 1 hour later my parents say they want to talk to us. They sit me and my little brother down on the couch and then sit across the room.
My mom starts the conversation off by saying that my dad and her have been having some struggles lately. And they haven't been the best parents. So they have decided that they are going to take a break and will no longer live together for awhile.
After hearing this the room started to spin, and I now have this feeling towards my parents I can't understand. I started to tear up and I went to my room. I immediately called my boyfriend. I told him what happened and he just tried to be there for me.
I trust my boyfriend and he is my only safe space. I have no close friends due to a massive friend breakup between me and all of my old friends. So he is the only true person I have a safe space with. My parents used to be a safe space but now I just don't even want to talk to them.
My mom is also now being very pushy and is trying fo force me to open up to her. I am trying to give her the benefit of thr doubt because her marriage is literally failing, but I don't like that she is trying to pry her way into how I am trying to cope with this.
And I actually ended up snapping at her... I was still on a call with my boyfriend when my mom barged into my room and demanded my phone. She then proceeded to walk over to me and take it from my hands while I was still talking to my boyfriend.
She gets onto my bed and starts to try and cuddle me. I let her, not wanting to be rude. My call suddenly ended so I reached over and grabbed my phone. My mom slightly chuckled and started to tickle me.
She then tickles a ticklish bit of my lower half. I am a very ticklish person and I squirm and make sudden movement when tickled. So when she tickled that certain spot I accidentally bonked her chin slightly hard with my knee.
She immediately got mad at me. And began to yell at me. I told her I thought we were messing around and my little brother agreed that he thought we were messing around. She grabs my phone and throws it a bit.
I ask her if she is mad at me. She says that she loves me and that my dad and her are worried about me and that they want me to go hangout with them. I then tell her that I would rather be alone right now since I need time to process this and the fact that one of my biggest fears are coming true.
She says that she has given me 2 hours to process it. I start to lose it at this point. I tell her that this is going to take more than 2 hours to process. That this is going to take a little while for me to process and that i want to be alone to process it.
She still tries to push that it is better that I spend time with them. And that it's only happened once. I finally lose it. I slightly raise my tone and begin to yell at her that this is the second Christmas ruined because of them. She looked at me confused.
I tell her that last Christmas she had gotten so overly drunk that her and my dad got into a massive fight. She then ran upstairs into my brother's room and sat on the floor sobbing, saying how much she hates my dad and that he is a horrible husband.
I try and comfort her and she then fell asleep. And this Christmas my family was playing a game of pop darts and my dad and brother got into a fight. My dad ended up getting so mad that he left and didn't come back home until late into the next day.
Now this is some context possibly that I am only a 14 year old girl, and my little brother is 12. I know other people probably go through much worse. But this is just so much and I don't know what to do. Thank you for whoever takes the time and decides to actually read through this whole thing and even comment.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Honey none of this is your fault and it sounds like your parents are failing you. It’s not your job to comfort your mom or process your feelings in two hours. They are right, they have been terrible parents.
Unfortunately it sounds like your mom just wants you on her side, just try and grey rock so you don’t become anymore of an emotional punching bag. You got this and I am sending you big hugs from a mom of divorced parents. You will find your people someday and things get better.
They really announced a separation a few days after Christmas? You should ask for a space again firmly and tell them that they need to respect your boundaries. It's a lot to process especially for somebody your age.
If they don't let up you might want to talk to the school counselor or ask for a therapist. I personally would do none of those things but those are the reasonable and well adjusted things to do which I'm very much not.
I am so sorry for your situation. You have every right to feel sad and scared. It is totally normal for you to feel lost at the moment, and you are right about needing time to process. You did well by telling her this!
Your mother is insecure and probably feels guilty, and wants to know you’re doing well. But it is not your responsibility to help her with this, not now and not in the future. Please remember that, because your mother needs to experience some boundaries in that respect.
What you can do is send your parents a message or even write them a letter saying you need time, and you need them to respect this. Tell them you love them and you need their help, and right now that helping you means leaving you alone for a bit until you come to terms with all that is happening. Good luck, I know it feels terrible at the moment but things will be better soon ❤️
Three months later, the OP returned with an update.
Hello, I know it's been forever since my original post. I honestly don't even know how to start this off. Since my original post was 2 months ago I figured an update was probably needed since I left so much in the dark.
Over these 2 months my dad has moved out and is living somewhere else. me and my brother go over there after school and hang out until our mom can pick us up. They still act cordial in front of me and Tyler but they have so much built up tension it's concerning.
But on new years or like at 1ish on January 1st I tried to talk to my dad since he and Tyler, my little brother, got into an argument about lighting off fireworks. I had gone downstairs since I thought I could talk to my dad and get his side of the story and just talk since he is my dad.
But he had been drinking way way more than I have ever seen my dad drink before. So when I went to talk to him things took a sideways turn. My dad had ended up saying some words and the words he said still really hurt. What he said to me really cut deep.
He told me, "I hate my life. I'm stuck in a terrible job, a awful marriage, I have a son who treats his mom like garbage, and then you. I have a daughter who is a POS. When I found out I was going to have a daughter as my first kid, I was so excited.
I thought i would have a daughter who loved to fish, hunt, and would be hardworking. instead I got a freaking snowflake of a daughter who doesn't like anything, is a worthless lazy POS who expect her parents to bend over backwards for her. I got a daughter who doesn't give a eff and is just nothing but a b-word."
That cut so deep. and I hear those words in the back of my mind so much. And I haven't even really had a chance to really process the whole split with my parents. Because right after I was told my mom told me that I had to be strong for my brother since this is really hard for him.
So I had to grow up and swallow the fact that my parents are taking a break. So I tried to turn to my boyfriend (now ex) for comfort and support. Instead I got a couple comforting words and hum telling me it's going to be okay.
Then he proceeded to tell me about his problems and how he got shot in the knee. (if anyone wants the story on this please let me know because at this point I need to talk because I can't afford a therapist and I'm going to explode if I don't let this out.)
I haven't gotten a break since this whole problem at Christmas. I get a Christmas present of my parents splitting. I start the new year with my dad telling me he hates me. Later I finally have enough with my toxic boyfriend and decide to leave him and the police end up getting involved.
Literally the only good thing about any of this is that I currently have a new boyfriend who is loving and supportive and doesn't gaslight, verbally and mentally abuse me, and will actually listen to me and all my problems. And I had my 15th in February as well.
If anyone wants more context I have much more but it's currently 2:19 in the morning and I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in about a week and a half. Thank you to anyone and everyone who takes the time to read this mess of words. I hope you all have an amazing day/night.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Hello sweet OP! I am so immensely proud of you. You are an awesome survivor and you don't let your father drain you nor let him drag you down with him, as he is sinking as fast as a rock thrown into water. The man clearly has lost any decency or parental dignity and those who lose all credibility as parents aren't entitled to parental admiration, you know that, right?
I will never jeopardize the beans. “She says that she has given me 2 hours to process.” What is this delusional woman thinking. ? This is another perfect example of “people can be parents by blood, but that doesn’t make them a mother or a father” I wish the best for this girl. She is going to have a very hard few years.
He complains that his 14-year-old daughter, who already has a job, is not hardworking. Gonna be honest, I think Eleanor Shellstrop had a better set of parents.
All children deserves to have good parents, unfortunately, some parents really are the lowest of the lowest. I feel sorry for OP and the brother.
She broke up with one boyfriend and almost immediately had a new one, and she has parental issues. This is going to be an ongoing issue in her life. She’s going to be one of those people who chooses bad partners because they so desperately don’t want to be alone and due to her parents behaviour thinks that being single is somehow a failure.