As a parent, you can work as hard as possible, but your kid may be a little jerk. Uh-oh, what do you do if your raise a bully? On a popular Reddit thread on the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, two parents disagree on how to deal with their bully daughter.
AITA for not letting my daughter buy clothes?
My wife (37f) and I (37m) have four kids (14f and 14m, 12m, and 11f); we generally agree on parenting them, but a recent incident had my wife and me disagreeing.
A few weeks ago, I was at home with our 12 y/o because he was sick with a stomach bug. While making him soup, I got a call from my twin’s high school, telling me they wanted to speak with me and that my daughter had received three days of in-school suspension for a bullying incident.
Because of my son’s sickness, I spoke through them via phone, and they told me everything that had happened, my daughter and a group of her friends were picking on a boy for wearing a crop top, and the boy told the teacher, she asked them to stop, when they didn’t stop, she sent them to the office. After talking to the boy, he admitted the bullying had been going on for a few days and that they kept bothering him when he asked them to stop.
My daughter and son came home, and my son’s face was bright red. I told my daughter to go to her room and then sat down with my son to see if he was okay. The boy she bullied was a close friend of his, one of his football teammates. The boy was talking to my son and their other friends and said he thought it was cool that some men used to wear sports crop tops. The boys told him if he thought it was cool, he should try it. The boys went out and bought some jerseys from the thrift store and made them into crop tops.
I then spoke to my daughter, and she didn’t show much remorse and was dismissive of me, last year she also got in trouble for bullying someone because of clothing, and she’s also gotten in trouble for racism at school (very white area, we are white, she and her friends were saying racist stuff in class). When my wife got home, we discussed punishment and agreed not to buy her new clothes for a while; she already has plenty of good clothes.
This weekend, we went to visit my brother. My brother lives around three hours away in a small town, and we don’t see him often. This week was the town’s annual fair. At the fair, they had booths from local businesses.
Our oldest daughter went to the clothes; I stopped her and told her the rule was still in place. I said she could buy books, a video game, candy, etc, but clothes were the one thing she could not get.
She was bugging my wife, and my wife eventually told her she would reconsider it; she then talked to me. I told her I wasn’t changing my stance because I was letting her buy other stuff and thought she was entitled. My daughter didn’t buy anything, and my wife thinks I was too tough on her. When I called my mom for advice, she agreed with my wife, AITA?
A 14-year-old is racist and a bully, and her only punishment is not getting clothes for a while?
ESH (Everyone Sucks Here), except for your other kids.
Your response to your daughter's continued behavior as a bully is to simply restrict her from buying clothes. So candy and toys are okay? HOW IS THAT A PUNISHMENT? And your wife can't even manage that?
No wonder your daughter has a problem. You guys must implement consistent and actual consequences for her actions and teach her why bullying is unacceptable. She is more than old enough to learn compassion.
Also, living in a predominantly white neighborhood does not excuse you for failing to teach her to be aware of other races/cultures. You have only a few years left with her. Get on it.
Your daughter is a racist bully, and your response is, 'we'll buy you anything but clothes,' and your wife won't hold to that?
Have you considered the real consequences of your daughter's sh*tty behavior?