'WIBTA for telling my mom that I (17) shouldn’t be paying for my own antidepressants just because i’m now getting survivor benefits after my dad died?'
"WIBTA for telling my mom that I (17) shouldn’t be paying for my own antidepressants just because i’m now getting survivor benefits after my dad died?"
Basically what the title says. My father passed away recently when I was 16 on my mom’s birthday, my parents were divorced for 10+ years when it happened so she’s not really grieving as much as I am. I have a history of depression and mental health issues and was attending therapy before it happened, but it has made everything worse and I require medication.
Recently, I was prescribed medication for my depression and I was excited to start so I could be who I used to be again. The day I was prescribed, she first said she couldn’t get it because she had to use the money to get her coworkers birthday gift.
I told her she could borrow my money before she got paid the next day for it and she instead asked to borrow it for the gift. I said no, use it for the medicine and she said she didn’t want to go out that day altogether. She said she’d get it the next day.
The next day she made no effort to get it. She said she’d get it the next day, and the next day my benefits were approved. She is now making me pay for it because I’m, in her words “caked up” with money.
We had agreed prior to them being approved that I would put it into savings so I could afford a car for me to use for my senior year since I’m doing a half day schedule and would need one to get home.
It feels weird to me that’s she’s asking me to use it for necessities when she stressed the importance of saving it. I haven’t caused a fuss about it yet because I want to avoid conflict and usually when I confront her about anything it instantly results in an argument.
Should I suck it up and pay for them or fight it? She has called me ungrateful and argued with me for less, so sometimes I’m not sure if I’m actually being unreasonable or if she isn’t doing the right thing.
Edit:
My mom isn’t in a bad financial situation, she recently got a raise and now makes close to 6 figures and also gets help with bills from her boyfriend.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA - I would think that a parent would want nothing more than their teen to not be depressed and be eager to start you on your meds right away. I am glad you have the money to purchase them yourself since she is not showing this as a priority.
Does she think badly of meds? Some people do and maybe that is why, and she doesn't agree with the treatment? Are you paying like a $10 co-pay or do you have to pay hundreds of dollars per month out of pocket?
Particular-Coast2993 (OP)
She is personally against meds, not sure why, but i’ve been recommended them many times for years so she couldn’t really argue at this point, it would be about 80 for them with insurance but my insurance was my dads and will run out soon.
You have your answer there, then. She does not want to pay for something that she does not support. Also, was your father paying child support prior to death? If so, that is likely another reason.
She is looking at your inheritance as coming from the same pool as her former child support and any alimony she collected while your father was still alive. I am glad you have the money to pay for them, because these meds can make a huge difference, try to ignore your mom's attitude towards your meds. Sorry about your loss.
NTA but I want to add that survivor benefits are intended to help you pay for your needs and your medication does count as one of your needs. Nothing wrong with saving up for a car, but also nothing wrong with paying for your meds.
That's amazing you're getting survivor benefits, but that money is essentially the money your Dad would be contributing to your well being and things you would need. So yes, it should go towards your antidepressants. She's not asking for any portion otherwise.
NTA. You are a child, and your mother has a responsibility to look after your health. That includes your mental health. I am so sorry you have such a thoughtless mother. You deserve better.
I think you're NTA. Out of interest, how much do your antidepressants cost? I'm UK based, so mine are £9.90 for a four week supply. And which ones are you going onto? Best of luck on them, just be careful of the side effects, and don't be afraid to ask to change them if they're not working after the first few weeks of having them 😊
Particular-Coast2993 (OP)
I’m going on Lexapro and Hydroxyzine, after insurance they’re about 40 each for 30 days, my insurance was my dads and is running out soon as well so afterwards who knows lol, thank you for the support!
Info - was your mom getting child support from your dad before he died? Because it’s possible she’s short on funds now but still raising you. I’m not sure why the survivor funds wouldn’t help support you now since your dad can’t - isn’t that what these are for? Your mom shouldn’t be getting a gift for a coworker before your meds, so she definitely is an AH for that.
That money is a replacement for child support so it should be used to pay for medication.
No one is the AH here. Survivor benefits exist for minors to make up for the loss of financial support that a deceased parent would have provided. I'm assuming that when your dad was alive that he either paid some sort of child support or paid for things like food, medicine, insurance.
For mandated child support, the money doesn't go directly to the minor child; it goes to the other parent to pay for these things. The Survivor benefits are meant to do the same except that they go directly to the child.