'AITA for paying for my son's wedding but not my stepdaughters?' 'My wife is upset.'

"AITA for paying for my son's wedding but not my stepdaughters?"

My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 6. She has a daughter (24F) and two younger kids from a previous relationship. I have a son (22M) from a previous relationship.

I am not big on weddings. I consider them a waste of money. Mt wife and I got married at the courthouse. My son is getting married this summer. He decided he wanted a wedding. I had saved a substantial amount of money for him over the years for college or whatever he wanted to do after high school.

He didn't need that money because he got a scholarship. I am splitting the cost of the wedding with his fiancees' parents. My half is coming from the money I saved. My stepdaughter recently got engaged. Her fiancé's family is "traditional" and expects her family to pay for all of it.

My wife asked me how much we are willing to spend (note: my wife and I maintain separate finances). I told her outside the $2,000 or so I plan to spend on wedding gifts, I do not plan to contribute anything.

She essentially said she cannot afford the cost of the wedding on her own, especially considering she is solely responsible for paying for the young kids' college and she has to save for that (my wife's ex refuses to contribute anything whatsoever beyond child support until they are 18 years old).

I told her they can get married at the courthouse like we did for less than $100. She said I could you use some of the money in my savings that I had set aside for my son. While that is technically my money, as far as I am concerned, it is my son's money.

My wife is upset because she sees it as fundamentally unfair that my son is getting a nice wedding and her daughter is not. While I understand the frustration, I do not think that it is my place to remedy the problem. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Material_Cellist4133 said:

NTA. But I think the argument the wife should be having with her daughter is that she should be picking a better life partner. The wedding is for both the daughter and her fiance so both should contribute to the wedding.

Ok_Homework_7621 said:

NTA. Your wife had 24 years to think about this.

No_Glove_1575 said:

NTA. Your stepdaughter was an ADULT when you married her mom and you did not really raise her. She has 2 living bio parents to fund her wedding. Sounds like she agrees to separate finances only when it’s convenient for her.

claire-echo said:

NTA. Your money, your choice. You didn’t randomly decide to fund one wedding and not the other you saved that money specifically for your son years ago. It’s not like you’re out here throwing lavish weddings left and right.

Your wife’s frustration is understandable, but expecting you to just reallocate funds meant for your son is kinda wild. If fairness is the issue, maybe her daughter’s fiancé’s traditional family should traditionally cough up the cash they expect?

At the end of the day, weddings are a want, not a need. Love isn’t measured by how many dollars get burned in a single day if it were, Vegas chapels wouldn’t exist.

Winternin said:

NTA. As you said, you and your wife maintain separate finances. That means she's not entitled to your money. She didn't contribute your son's wedding but expects you to contribute to her daughter's? Does she not see the irony in that?

Ok-Advantage3180 said:

NTA does your wife’s daughter’s dad not want to contribute to his daughter’s wedding? Not your child, not your responsibility as far as I’m concerned