Pet owner gives parents an ultimatum: 'I bring the dog, or I refuse to come for Christmas.' AITA?
"WIBTA for refusing to get a dog sitter for Christmas?"
I have a small dog. He is house broken and doesn’t destroy things. He barks sometimes and is a little annoying. He’s a dog. I live about 5 hours from my parents so I can’t leave him at home when I go visit them. If I lived nearby I would, no problem.
They do not want him in their house, and expect me to get a dogsitter when I visit. (They are not allergic, they just don’t like dogs). This costs $40-$60/ day and I can’t really afford it. And that’s not including holiday rates and closures.
WIBTA for telling my parents that if my spouse, and baby and I are going to drive 10 hours to see them then they should let me bring the dog, and otherwise I’m just not going to come?
EDITS:
I feel like I should clarify that I do have the money to board the dog once in a while if I really have to. But I am on a very restricted budget and they expect me to pay for this every time they want me to visit.
So it adds up pretty quickly, because it’s always more than one day because of the distance, and they want us to come down fairly often. So it’s more the repeated expense that I can’t afford but every time they want me to come they act like it’s not a lot of money because they are only thinking of the one time expense.
A couple things: I am not going to bring the dog without their explicit consent. I specified the dog was small, house broken, not destructive, and they aren’t allergic because I thought if I didn’t people would assume he was a 200lb nightmare, I didn’t say this to my parents.
They do visit me sometimes, but it has always been mostly my job to go to them. It’s the same for my brother. The baby is a little under a year old, and the 5 hours each way is new since we moved this year so we’ll see if anything changes.
I used to leave my dog at my house and drive 2 hours to their place, stay for 4 hours, then drive 2 hours back. They have said they won’t come here during the winter because of the weather, and they said it’s just too stressful for them.
I don’t feel comfortable leaving him with just anyone because the first time I boarded him to go to a family event, he got hit by a car and had a severe spinal and head injury and spent 3 days in the emergency vet where they told us he would die.
He lived but it cost thousands of dollars. It was lucky the boarding place had insurance to cover the vet costs. I know this isn’t logical but it makes me extremely nervous to leave him with a sitter with no insurance. (Like a neighbor).
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Tdluxon said:
NAH. Just be honest with them... "we can't afford to hire a dog sitter so if you aren't OK with us bringing the dog, we aren't going to be able to come this year." They can come visit you instead, they can give you money for a sitter, cancel the trip, whatever they want to do. No need to beat around the bush, that is just the plain truth of the situation.
Worth-Season3645 said:
YWBTA…If you go about telling g your parents the way you stated. You chose to have a dog. You chose that responsibility. It is not up to anyone else to accept your dog. That being said, you can tell your parents that you will not be visiting for the holidays because you cannot afford to board your dog. They are more than welcome to visit you in your home.
DinoSnuggler said:
YTA, but only because of the attitude. It's fine for your parents to say "no dog in our house". It's fine for you to say "no worries, but that means we can't make it, perhaps you should come visit us instead." It's not fine for you to demand you be able to bring your dog where it's not wanted.
tinyahjumma said:
If he’s a little annoying to you, who loves him most, he will be insufferable to people who do not care for him. YWBTA if you use staying home as a punishment against your parents. NTA if you just can’t see any way around it.
CharSea said:
What everyone else here has said, but also, girl grow a spine. You do not have to pack up and go visit your parents every time they tell you to. You are an adult with your own family. Visit when YOU want to see them.
scarbunkle said:
YTA. The correct way to communicate this is to give them options. You would love to come, but you can’t afford to board Mr Snuffles—if they were willing to host him or pay for the sitter you could make it, but it’s just not going to happen if neither of those is an option.
If they want to see you, they can do those, or they can come visit and stay in a hotel to avoid the dog. It’s a problem you’re solving together, not a “we bring the dog or else” ultimatum.
EmceeSuzy said:
Yes, YWBTA. Your dog is not invited to their home. You need to get a sitter or to graciously decline the invite without manipulation. Do you think that you can make a shorter visit and afford just a few days of dog sitting?