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'AITA for being a "pick me" and asking a guy who dislikes me to pick me up from a party?' UPDATED

'AITA for being a "pick me" and asking a guy who dislikes me to pick me up from a party?' UPDATED


"AITA for being a ‘pick me’ and asking someone who I know dislikes me to pick me up from a party?"

I (19f) am very close with one of my housemates (Josh-20m). I get along with his friend group (a mix of guys are girls) and I’ve been assimilated into the group over the past few months (we met in Sep). One of his friends (Michael-20m) doesn’t like me. I don’t know why- I’ve always been nice to him. He’s always cold to me and gives one word answers.

That being said, I have his number from the groupchat but I’ve never text or called him until a few days ago. I had been invited by some coworkers to celebrate my 20th a bit early and I agreed. We went to a bar, did karaoke, the whole shebang. But at around midnight, things got a little stale and one of my coworkers said her friend was having a party so we all went to this guy’s house.

Long story short, I felt very uncomfortable and pressured and after having a panic attack in the bathroom, I called Josh. He didn’t pick up. I called another friend but she didn’t answer either so as a last ditch effort, I called Michael. He picked up and I asked him if he could come get me. I’d pay for petrol and a thank you fee, or whatever. I didn’t care, I just needed to get out. He picked me up.

He ended up crashing on the couch and the next morning, I have him petrol money. I apologised profusely. He said not to worry. The issue is that the girls in the friend group are now calling me a ‘pick me’ and saying I put myself in the situation as an excuse to ‘get Michael in your [my] life’ as it upset me that he didn’t like me.

As a side note, I was more confused about why he doesn’t like me, I was never upset. I said that those 3 are the only ones who can drive in the group and since the other two didn’t answer, he was my last resort. The girls said it was an asshole thing to do anyway and that using 'real life fears' to shoehorn my way into Michael's life is 'psychotic'. AITA?

EDIT: To everyone asking why I didn't use uber: we don't have it in my city. There's a whole app specific to it, however we were technically in another town which I didn't realise until I went on the app. I had to download a whole new app and prices were insane. It was much cheaper to pay a friend back for petrol. I didn't think this mattered but here you guys go :)

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Dr_33 said:

Nta but the others girls sound like a$$holes. Most of us get stuck in situations we don't want to be in at one point or another. Nothing wrong with calling someone for help. It was nice of him to do that. Maybe he never disliked you and you just read it wrong.

[deleted] said:

NTA. you called other people first, sort of negates the whole idea of targeting him for your nefarious plot. also, tell your friends that’s not what a “pick me” is


NTA and Michael sounds like a solid guy. Idk why he doesn’t like you either but at the end of the day, he came when you called. ❤️


Wait, so they're mad that Michael is a .... stand up guy?? I'm so confused about their stance. Would they rather you get seriously hurt?


NTA. You had exhausted your other two options, having got yourself into an uncomfortable situation, you asked if he could help. It was mature of him to put aside any dislike he might have towards you and to help you. He obviously wasn't that angry about it, or be would likely not have crashed at your place after dropping you off. You apologised, he clearly accepted that and that was that.

Not sure why the friends are wading in, tbh. You know what they are claiming isn't true so, hurtful though it is, ignore them.


NTA...and also these girls aren't your friends. You were uncomfortable and couldn't get out on your own. You tried to get a hold of people who you couldn't reach. You reached Michael. He agreed to pick you up, you paid him, and he wasn't mad about it. This is literally a non issue, OP, and the fact that girls are using it against you seems to be like them trying to get you out of the friend group. Gross.

And said:

NTA. He could’ve easily said no and frankly it’s no one else’s business.

OP later shared this update on the situation:

So I read all the comments and the ones about Michael just being shy, or slow to warm up, etc resonated with me so I decided to do some digging and asked Josh if he heard the girls saying anything about me. He said he hadn’t but that he’d do some digging himself and then get back to me. And I’m almost embarrassed by how naïve I was. Here’s the situation:

A couple of months after I met the group, one of the girls (Selina-20f) asked me how I felt about Michael. I said he seemed like a sound guy overall but at that point, he had interacted with me once and it was him asking me to turn the oven on, so I didn’t have much to go off. She asked me if I thought he was hot. I said sure.

She asked me some more questions and it honestly felt like she was trying to validate her feelings for him by getting my opinion, if that makes any sense? She was being kind of giggly and shy so I thought it was just girly gossip and her trying to bond with a new girl in the group.

At one point I said that the fact he goes to the gym 4 times a week is intimidating to me as someone who is a bit larger (which I want to be clear is my own problem, I wasn't blaming him for being in shape). And that one sentence screwed everything over for me.

It turns out, Selina is a sh!t-stirrer and went and asked Michael the same questions about me. And he thought I was cute, too. But Selina told him I said I was afraid of him and found him intimidating so he should ‘back off’.

I want to be clear that I never said Michael as a person was scary or off-putting, it’s just that I’ve had some negative experiences with ‘gym bros’ and I was holding my cards close to my chest in case that’s what he turned out to be (he’s not, btw). So as a result of this lie, he stayed clear of me. And I had no idea about any of this.

The girls were so nice to me and I thought we were friends. It wasn’t until he picked me up that they got openly hostile. I obviously never mentioned what I ‘said’ in the car because I didn’t know that’s what he had been told and he was calm and collected, too. We chatted on the way back and eased out some tension.

Hearing all this, I felt so bad for Michael. He was walking on eggshells around me because someone lied to him. Josh was super confused and upset, too because he’s known these girls since year 9. Josh called Michael and we shared screenshots and talked it all out.

He was angry at Selina who was at the head of the operation and confronted her in the group chat. Not what I would have done, but whatever. Everyone else in the group thinks those three are lying, snotty brats now. The other 2 girls in the group (who are angels and my actual friends) took me under their wing and I couldn’t be luckier to have them.

That’s all for now. I won’t be making another update because it’s pretty much been sorted out. Thank you for taking the time to read.

Sources: Reddit
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