'AITA for picking a fight with my stepdad over how they're raising my 5-year-old sister?'
"AITA for picking a fight with my stepdad over how they're raising my 5-year-old sister?"
Me (25) and my sister (19) recently had an argument with our stepdad about our baby sister for going through our things and sneakily taking them without asking. She throws a very aggressive tantrum when she doesn’t get what she wants and often takes our belongings and tells her dad she wants it and he tells her “just take it, it’s fine."
This incident wasn’t for anything major, it was for stickers and figures that were in our room but we wanted to set boundaries and make it clear that it’s not okay to do that. However, when we left our rooms to go eat, our baby sister and stepdad went into my sister’s room and took her things again anyways and my sister is absolutely not okay with them entering her room like that.
They also do not live with us and were coming to visit. These habits were formed in her from a very young age, even at a store if she sees something she likes she will demand for it until they buy it for her and ultimately they do and give her whatever she wants to stop her screaming/kicking tantrums.
She will even throw things and hit them if she doesn’t get what she wants. She’s also aware she shouldn’t be taking things like that because when she gets caught, she gets scared and runs off for protection from her dad.
Their excuse is that she’s 5 so it’s fine for her to act that way but I argued that she’s in her developing and learning age and it can affect how she grows up. She’s already very aware that if she simply screams or cries she can have what she wants so she does it over and over knowing at the end of it, she will have it. He snapped at us saying “she’s too shy to ask and we as the older siblings should be offering it to her."
We’re told to let it be and ignore it and let the “parents” handle it but it still affects us. She does the same with her dad and our mom, if one parent doesn’t bend to her will she run to the other parent until she gets what she wants or is coddled for her behavior.
There are a lot of incidents like this that keep repeating and our stepdad keeps enabling it. He doesn’t want to deal with it and will throw a lot, if not all, the work onto my mom or us. He neglects her and doesn’t keep an eye on her and thinks everything will be solved as long as she gets what she wants.
It’s difficult to just “ignore it” when she’s still our sister and our belongings or personal space get affected too but they just tell us to shut up and let the parents deal with it. AITA for arguing with them for how they raise our baby sister?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
GerbilMilkshake said:
NTA. They came over to your house and expect that you'll just let her have whatever she wants of yours?? They find it appropriate to go to someone else's house, enter their bedrooms, and go through personal belongings to take what they want? Nope. I would make it clear they simply aren't invited over anymore. Period.
curiousblondwonders said
NTA but time to get new locks for your doors. Tell them "if you wont teach her no, im locking my doors and you're unwelcome until further notice."
Alice-003 said:
NTA. You’re setting normal boundaries and your stepdad is teaching her bad habits by caving every time.
Ashling90 said:
NTA - The child’s parents suck. She needs to learn to respect other people’s property. She also needs to learn the word NO. It is true that she is “only” five, and that is why she will not understand these things herself. Her parents need to parent her.
quincebush said:
"They also do not live with us and were coming to visit." Why do you continue to let them visit if they rifle thru your belongings?
TemptingPenguin369 said:
You say "They also do not live with us and were coming to visit," so why have you allowed them to visit more than once? You say your stepdad "will throw a lot, if not all, the work onto my mom or us" but if you don't live there, how are you being stuck doing the parents' jobs with their child?