'AITA for picking up a bottle of drink at a BYOB house-party where everything was kept together?'

"AITA for picking up a bottle of drink at a BYOB house-party where everything was kept together? Was This Rude or just a cultural difference?"

Hi everyone,

I'm an international student from Asia, currently studying at one of the major universities in London. I arrived in the UK about a month ago and have generally been having a great time settling in.

However, I recently had an experience that left me a bit confused about cultural norms here, especially around hospitality and social etiquette. I attended a housewarming party hosted by a friend. The invite mentioned BYOB (Bring Your Own Beverage), so I brought three bottles of beer even though I don’t drink beer myself.

In my culture, it’s considered impolite to show up empty-handed, so I thought others might enjoy it. While at the party, I noticed a bottle of sweet wine with low alcohol content and picked it up, thinking I might try it. Almost immediately, another guest came over, took the bottle from my hand, and said, “I brought this, it’s mine, and I’d like to finish it.”

I was stunned for a moment, but handed it back and said “no worries,” even offering him some of the beer I had brought. He did say he felt a bit bad afterwards, but I reassured him that I wasn’t planning to drink anyway. Still, I was genuinely surprised. In my home country, this kind of behaviour would be considered quite rude.

We usually offer drinks/food to others and share freely, especially at social gatherings, often even at our own cost.

I understand that cultural norms vary, and I’m trying to learn and adapt.

But I’m curious, is it common in the UK for people to be possessive about what they bring to BYOB parties? Is sharing not expected in these settings? Or do you think this person was just rude? Or is it my fault for not knowing this rule and picking up someone else's bottle (all the drinks were kept together with glasses at one place for everyone to take).

Here's what people had to say to OP:

TravelBeauty20 wrote:

YTA seems harsh, but your first mistake was bringing beer when you don’t drink beer. Bring what you would actually drink. There’s always that one person who brings something cheap but expects to drink something better all night. You might have unintentionally come off as that person.

The other guy was kind of rude, but I get it if that’s the only thing he drinks. He didn’t want beer. You said you’re an international student, so I assume everyone is a student. I think it’s rude to assume a student should subsidize others’ drinks.

OP responded:

Yeah I get you and I can't believe I'm so dumb to do that I'm so embarrassed. That was the first BYOB/housewarming party I attended ever and also I don't drink alcohol back home in my culture (I have tasted alcohol twice in life lol) so basically I did not even know that there's a getting cheap beer vs taking an expensive wine in return angle at play here.

I took the beer bottles without the intention to drink because I don't have alcohol but I thought it's the most popular think people drink so it could be useful in the party.

Not to mention I did see people taking drinks from other bottles they did not bring as well so idk how clearly these rules work. But I agree with you and I for sure in future will never take anything from someone else I feel so stupid lmao.

Primewolf101 wrote:

I'm from the UK. In a university setting, a BYOB house party typically means 'bring whatever you want to drink yourself'. Most people will bring drinks either just for them, or buy a larger amount between friends that they share within their group. Unless it's explicitly stated, you should assume this is the case. People will often still offer you a drink, or be happy to trade some of their drinks for some of yours.

But if I was at a house party and someone I didn't know well went over and took one of my beers, I'd view that as them stealing and I've seen it happen enough times to know this is a widely held perspective in university in the UK. Generally this is only true of alcoholic drinks, soft drinks I would still ask but you'll almost always be assured you're fine to have some.

This largely stems from the fact that most university students have little or no income, and survive largely off a combination of student loans and whatever money their family can support them with. It is very common for students to go without heating to save money, so the £7 they spent on a bottle of wine may be perceived differently to them.

As an adult in the UK outside of a university setting it is different and generally there will be drinks available for everyone to share, with people contributing an offering they bring with them similar to your expectations. At this point, people have their own money and are in a position to be more generous. NTA you didn't know and you had good intentions.

DragonSeaFruit wrote:

NAH. In my 20s, BYOB meant you brought the alcohol you wanted to drink, which for my group of friends was either beer or tequila. If you went with friends, you might share with each other but you didn't share with strangers. In my 30s, BYOB meant arriving with a nice bottle of wine, gifting it to the host, where they will place it on some table with all the other bottles guests brought.

We'd as a party generally finish less bottles than was brought and it was assumed that the host will keep the rest of the bottles, as an unofficial thank you for hosting. And in my 30s, each open bottle was viewed as available for every guest to help themselves and guests were also invited to open bottles themselves.

But it was considered a bit rude to open a new bottle of the same type of wine of an already open bottle (aka another Merlot) unless you verbally expressed excitement about that specific brand and wanting to try it in which a chorus of party goers and the host would urge you to open it.

GlitteringCustard973 wrote:

NAH - just a cultural difference but in the UK when it says BYOB it means bring what you want to drink (alcoholic or not) and we wouldn’t take someone else’s drink unless it was offered to us or someone said it was open for sharing.