I (f22) asked my boyfriend (m20) to make me tacos for when I got home later that night. I asked him to brown the ground beef and follow the instructions. He doesn’t really cook but I thought the task was simple enough.
So I get home a few hours after he made the beef and things are going well. I quickly chopped the veggies so we could assemble the tacos. I thanked him for making it for me and we started eating.
I ate a bite and it tasted really bland and a bit chalky so I asked if he followed the instructions. He said, “No I just threw it together with some seasoning.” So I asked him why he didn’t follow the instructions and he said, “I didn’t know what instructions you meant.” He could’ve asked me what instructions? Googled it? Looked on the seasoning packet?
Anyways I am kind of a picky eater and I only eat food that tastes good. If food is just meh I would rather not eat it and he knows this. Also I cook different dishes for him all the time and do my best to make sure they taste as good as possible.
So I said, “Why didn’t you look for the instructions or ask me?” and he said, “I don’t care.” This is when I got really upset and left the room. He soon followed me and said, “What’s wrong.” Probably thinking I was overreacting. Then I told him, “I asked you to do one thing and told you to follow the instructions and you didn’t do it, and you know I only eat food that tastes good.
I try hard to make you good food all the time and I just wanted you to do it for me one time and you didn’t even try.” He kinda got defensive and said he thought it was simple and made it how he thought it was made. He said sorry and that he should’ve known better, but now I feel kinda guilty and like an ungrateful b. AITA?
By “I only eat good food” I mean that I take meds and a side effect is low appetite so i only can eat if its the exact thing im craving or something cooked really well. the food he made was flavorless so i was disappointed bc i wanted the meat seasoned w the taco packet.
We talked about it and he meant that he doesn’t care about how food tastes. He made tacos before like this so he thought he already knew how to do it thats why he didn’t look at the instructions and he thought it was fine.
He said he will do a better job next time. Also he does clean up for me about half of the time so he does do things for me but I know I am particular about my food so usually I cook. However I was getting home late that night and I wanted something to be ready for when I got back, that’s why I asked him.
I also thought he could do it because he is a very smart guy and builds furniture for a living (he can follow instructions). Also I ended up just adding more seasoning and water so it is edible now. I just was tired after a long day and frustrated so I was being a bit critical and didn’t want to fix it in that moment.
But we are very happy and he is good to me! This was a little bickering moment and it wasn’t that serious of an issue, but I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable or if he really didn’t care about me. Now I think it was just a mishap and I could’ve been nicer about the delivery.
ALSO I wasn’t mad that it didn’t taste good! If he followed instructions and somehow it was terrible i would have been totally fine with it and would have helped him make it another time to teach him. I was upset because I asked him to follow the instructions on the pack and he didn’t listen. And he knows that I am limited in what i can eat due to my meds and he didn’t put consideration into that.
LayaElisabeth said:
NTA. So I said, “Why didn’t you look for the instructions or ask me?” and he said, “I don’t care.” That right there; he doesn't care.. It isn't 'not knowing how to cook' or even weaponized incompetence.. He literally just does not care.
Zoerae87 said:
NTA...weaponized incompetence in my opinion...like what are these comments??? Well he tried, you didn't give him instructions??? The steps are literally on the back of the packet... Sometimes the comments piss me off more than the ah in the post.
Next-Wishbone1404 said:
NTA. Your boyfriend is deliberately clueless. He is making sure you’ll never ask him to cook dinner again. Are you ready to cook every couple/family meal for the rest of your life?
L8yoftheLakes said:
ESH...honestly you both sound a bit immature or at least need to work on how you communicate with one another. And btw... no one likes to eat bad tasting food so repeatedly stating you "only eat food that tastes good" is unnecessary and borders on snobbish.
It sounds like cooking/eating is a kind of love language for you and something you enjoy, that's awesome. It doesn't sound like it's a love language for him, that's fine too. You asked him to cook and even though it's not his thing, he gave it a try but ended up botching it.
Since this would be a simple task for you to do you automatically assumed it would be just as simple for him, so you took his screw up personally and got mad. You haven't indicated that you gave him any positive reinforcement for his initial effort, only that you focused on what he got wrong.
No one responds well to negative reinforcement, especially when they step out of their comfort zones. He should have asked for more clarification and not said "I don't care." You shouldn't have made assumptions and then only focused on what he did wrong.
R4eth said:
Girl. This man quite literally told you straight faced where he stands in the relationship. "I don't care." Why are you with some one who can't even be bothered to learn how cook ground beef? Nta.
ThrowRAPaeselyLars said:
NTA. The people in this thread calling you the A for not handholding a literal adult into *checks notes* browning beef and chucking reading the instructions on the packet are nuts. You're not TA for telling him the food was bad.
The alternative would be grimacing through bad food and your boyfriend remaining blissfully unaware of how it didn't tastes good. It's great that you let him know 'not caring' how food tastes is unacceptable to you. Perhaps in the future he'll put a bit more thought into things.
Do not feel guilty for communicating your expectations - could you have been a bit kinder? Maybe. But by the sounds of it everyone's moved past their hurt feelings and he's committed to doing better. That's a relationship win. Speaking of which - DO NOT LET HIM OFF THE HOOK FOR COOKING. If he's this bad at it, practicing is the only way for him to improve.