'AITA for planning a girls trip on my 10-year wedding anniversary date?' UPDATED 3X

"AITA for planning a girls trip on my wedding anniversary date?"

My husband (42) and I (37) have our 10 year wedding anniversary coming up soon. This has been a long year for both of us as I was diagnosed with cancer and have been dealing with the treatments for the past year and have finally been declared cancer free.

During the treatment my husband has been amazing and has used almost all of his vacation time to make sure that I was being taken care of, of course this meant that he doesn't have any time to take a week off for our upcoming 10 year wedding anniversary to go do something fun.

I of course still wanted to celebrate being cancer free so I booked a tropical getaway trip with on of my best friends so I could get away and celebrate. Due to the scheduling of my friend the only time that worked best for her was during the same time that my wedding anniversary falls on. I figured this would be fine since my husband couldn't take any time off to go anywhere anyway.

I told my husband that I was taking the trip after everything had been booked and he ended up getting very upset and saying that taking the trip on our anniversary date and not discussing any of the plans with him prior to booking everything made him feel like he didn't matter. Of course this is not true, I still love him but I really wanted to get away and have some time to have fun again.

I told him that once he has some vacation time saved again that he can book us a trip and we could enjoy some tropical time together then. I really didn't want him to feel like he wasn't allowed to do anything fun. AITA for planning a trip with my friend on my wedding anniversary date and not informing my husband until after everything was booked?

The commenters had a lot to say.

BeringC wrote:

Thanks for the support honey, and for burning up all your vacation time to take care of me! I'll send a postcard for our anniversary!

YTA.

[deleted] responded:

This, I don’t understand how OP doesn’t understand how upsetting this is for her husband.

chewablerobots wrote:

When he's better she'll book a trip with someone else to celebrate him being well again and tell him after she's already at her destination.

SilverQueenBee responded:

At least she "still loves him"....lol.

After receiving negative feedback, OP shared a small update.

Edit: I understand from the comments that I was being insensitive, the timing with my friend is that she really wanted to get away from the cold weather and do something warm before her job picks back up in the summer. I understand that my husband is s upset and I will talk to him later and let him choose anything that he wants us to do together after I get back, just to let him know that he is still important to me.

Then the next day, OP shared another update.

Edit: I had to take some time to reflect on the messages and replies that I got. Some were very hurtful, which is fair. To answer a few questions brought up. I do have a job and was able to work reduced hours while using my sick days for appointments and the surgery/ recovery. My husband's work would not allow for him to use his sick time for this so he had to use his vacation days.

The cancer I had thankfully wasn't as severe as some people's family members here. But it still took many appointments, a surgery to remove most of it plus lymph nodes and then the resulting radiation therapy and follow up appointments.

I have decided that I would push back the trip and leave the day after our anniversary so my husband and I can spend our anniversary together. I did apologize to my husband for booking the trip without talking about it with him first. He has had no issues with me taking time to spend with my friends in the past and I honestly didn't think he would mind that much.

My friend is obviously upset with this as she has to reschedule her days off as well as parts of the trip that she contributed to, but I hope she understands the situation. I want everyone to know that I really wasn't trying to be the biggest AHon the planet, this has been a very stressful time and I'm just trying to keep everyone happy as I care about everyone in my life.

The internet continued to share their thoughts.

perfectlyaligned wrote:

YTA. You’re backing your friend over your husband and placating her irritation because you think you can take your husband’s love for granted, since you’re assuming it will always be a constant. This makes you a huge AH and your friend and even more massive AH.

Your friend openly showing animosity toward your spouse is the problem in this scenario. The fact that she makes comments about him that you not only allow, but you have the nerve to tell him not to take personally, shows just how far up your ass you have your head. One day your husband is going to decide he deserves better treatment and he’s going to leave you.

OP responded:

I don't think that I'm taking his love for granted. I really appreciate all that he has done for me before and after the cancer diagnosis. My friend has always been a bit hostile towards men in general.

She hasn't always had the best luck with relationships which could explain her attitude, but she is a great person that I've known for decades. This is why I told my husband to not mind her comments, I really don't think that any of her comments are personal attacks on anyone.

mrscatastrophe wrote:

First of all, congrats on being cancer free. I don't understand how you don't communicate going on a trip before booking...10 year anniversary is a big thing how can you not think about talking with your husband what he planned for that day.

Also I think its kind of rude to just tell him "oh we can leave as soon as you get vacation again" when he literally used all his days to make sure your okay.
YTA.

Able-Dress1678 wrote:

I love how OP adds the update thinking that it will make her sound like she isn't an AH anymore but just comes off as an even bigger AH.

Six weeks later, OP shared another update.

Edit: I can't believe that this topic is still getting attention. I should probably note that I did go on the trip and I made sure to email my husband every day to let him know that I was safe and that I love him.

I don't think that he was mad about it, he seemed happy to see me when he pick me up at the airport. Overall I think everything worked out in the end. So I may be TA, but that is now in the past and we can move on with our lives.

The internet still did not like OP.

[deleted] wrote:

God I don't even care about the updates this is the most insufferable AITA story I've seen yet like honestly you husband deserves someone who would have put as much into him as he did you and the fact you didn't want to spend your TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY WITH HIM?! Then you tried to give more reasoning to go after everyone called you the asshole. Your husband is more than you deserve honestly

OP responded:

Think that's being a bit unfair, I'm sure there are worse AITA stories on here. So I had a lapse in judgment, it's not like I purposely went out to do harm against my husband. We all make mistakes every now and then. And as I said before, he didn't seem upset when he picked me up, we just moved on from this.

Nainns wrote:

"Didn’t seem upset" You think he’s going to try to make the wife he loves and had been dealing with cancer feel guilty? You are so out of touch it’s honestly baffling. Your husband deserves so much more than you.

Dead_Pool1989 wrote:

Holy f this is infuriating. My mom battled stage 4 breast cancer from May 2020 to August 2022 and beat it. During that time my dad, who very rarely has ever missed work, averaged about 1.5 days of missed work per week through the majority of those 2+ years. And because of C#$id restrictions at hospitals and no one being open, he often waited 6-8 hours in his car, including during the goddamn winter.

Wanna know the FIRST thing my mom did after she was declared cancer free? Bought my dad a fucking $800 Lazy Boy chair. Wanna know what else she did and has done since then? Gone out of her way to find collectibles that she knows my dad loves over the last 3 years and surprising him randomly.

All of this as a thank you for being there for her when she was told she had a 50/50 chance to live. This post pisses me the f#$k off and OP is insufferable for how she treats her husband. This is the first time I’ve ever been truly heated at a post and holy crap I hope there are no more updates unless it’s her husband divorcing her.