'AITA for going to my ex husband's sister's baby shower even though he doesn't want me there?'

"AITA for planning to go to my ex husband's sister's baby shower?"

I (28F) was invited to my ex husband's sister's baby shower. I have been together with my ex, let's call him Tim (30M), for about 8 years. We got divorced this year due to some nasty things and manipulation that he did, the divorce was my idea, but it was mutual in the end.

So I have known his family and his sister, let's call her Jane (28F) for about 10 years and over the last few years me and Jane became quite close.

So when I got invited, I was very excited, because I don't have many friends and I don't get to go to these kind of events very often and I really enjoy them.

The date they proposed at first was not good for me, so I said a few times, that it's ok, don't try to work around to include me, there are more important people than me invited and they were ok with the proposed date and I will just send a gift. But they still made sure, that the date would work for everyone, including me. It felt amazing and I am very excited to go.

Some additional information, they also invited Tim's new girlfriend, who he started dating the same week we broke up and moved in together to a house, that is still technically partly mine after a couple of months (while we were still technically married, but separated). Let's call this girlfriend Ruth (25F).

I do feel a little bit of resentment towards her, but in general, I don't feel anger, it's just all a little bit uncomfortable. So after a couple of weeks of me getting invited, I got a message from Tim, asking if I was invited and I said yes and that I am very excited about it. I asked, if Ruth complained about it and he said yes.

She told him, if I am there, she would not attend. He made sure to make me very uncomfortable and to tell me, that what I am doing is mean and that I should not attend. In their eyes, she is trying to get close to his family and I am making it difficult.

I then said, I have known them for almost 10 years and I love Jane, I want to be there. I was invited and did not try to include myself or something, what does he want me to do? He said "Forget them. They are not your family". He called me names a little bit more and then I just ignored him.

I am still planning to go and if Ruth is there, I wouldn't mind, I would actually enjoy getting to know her a little bit. WIBTA if I went to the baby shower, or should I, indeed, forget them?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

rebelhedgehog2 said:

It’s Jane’s party she wants you there, Tim can suck it.

Virtual-Swan-1253 said:

Just because you broke up with Tim doesn’t mean that his sister had to break up with you as well. It is Jane’s prerogative to invite whomever she wants for HER baby shower. If Ruth, or Tim, have a problem with your invitation or attendance at the shower, let it be their problem because it is NOT your problem.

Karamist623 said:

Putting my two cents in here…. Go to the baby shower. You are friends with Jane, and she specifically made sure that the date would work for you. Whatever happened with her brother is between you and him. Don’t bring any of that drama to the shower, and into your relationship with Jane.

Ruth’s issue is that you exist. She lives in a house that you still own. You were married to the man she is currently with. She definitely feels insignificant in this relationship right now, but that’s not your fault. I would try to have a pleasant light conversation with Ruth. Very superficial you know? Maybe show that you can be nice, and show that you do not want your ex back.

Logical-Cost4571 said:

NTA. You were specifically invited by the mother to be. If Jane wants you there, she wants you there. If anyone asks about it in reference to Ruth, you reply, “I was specifically invited by Jane.” Nothing mean about it. Name calling? Sounds like HE is being mean.

Also sounds like Tim doesn’t like being called out and is trying to get everyone on his side and throwing a tantrum at not getting his way.

vwscienceandart said:

Why are they living in a home you partially own??? Are you actually still married and waiting for the divorce to finalize? If not, why aren’t you forcing the sale so the asset can be divided?

OP responded:

We are divorced, but we have two houses and two mortgages. One goes to him and one goes to me. But I earn much more than him, so he can't take over the mortgage alone. it is a difficult situation lol. Some say it's easier to deal with kids after a divorce than property haha

Naive-Prize1867 said:

Wild horses couldn't keep me away now that he said I couldn't go! Also I guarantee this is working exactly like Jane wants- she wanted you there and felt like she had to invite Ruthie. I told my own brother I was keeping my SIL. I said he was stupid enough to lose her, but I knew what a wonderful woman she was. He was at least gracious enough to agree and back the heck off!

And OP responded:

I think so too, I feel like she felt she had to invite her and I think it's fair and I don't mind. My friend said, that she probably feels uncomfortable around me, because he probably still talks about me and women have a sixth sense. But I wish them all the happiness lol, live and let live you know. Very happy to hear about you and your SIL 👏

Thoughts?