'AITA for pointing out that none of my in-laws went to university?'
"AITA for pointing out that none of my in-laws went to university?"
About a month ago, I (24F) took my final exam at university, marking a huge milestone in my life. I’m the first woman in my family to achieve this, and it wasn’t an easy journey.
I faced significant hardships along the way, including homelessness, domestic violence, and the loss of family members. Despite everything, I graduated with honors and earned the highest grades in my class, which made me really proud.
Last night, my partner's (27M) parents hosted a big family gathering. While we were all at the dinner table, his cousin—who I get along well with—asked how it felt to be done and congratulated me on my achievement. I told him I felt proud and relieved that it was finally over.
That’s when my brother-in-law chimed in with a dismissive comment, saying something along the lines of, “It’s not that big of an achievement; people do it all the time.” His mom and a few others agreed, adding their own comments about how it’s not hard to finish a degree.
This brother-in-law has a history of putting me down, calling me “dumb” and other names, which my partner has addressed with him before. Ironically, he had once attended university himself but was kicked out for failing all his classes in the first year.
Usually, I ignore his remarks, but this one caught me off guard, and I responded without my usual filter: “Then how come you got kicked out?” His mom immediately told me my comment was inappropriate and rude. She went on to say that just because he didn’t finish his degree doesn’t mean he’s wrong. I replied, “Well, if it’s so easy, why hasn’t a single one of you earned a degree?”
Some family members, including my partner and the cousin, backed me up, but his mom was furious and asked me to leave. This morning, I woke up to messages from family members. Some agreed with me, saying I had a point but could have been nicer. Others, including his mom, felt my comments were uncalled for and said I had no right to humiliate my brother-in-law. So, AITA?
EDIT:
BTW I don’t think anyone has to go to university to be successful; in fact, I believe that many people can and will accomplish incredible things without it.
Wow, I didn't expect this to get so much attention! Thank you all for your support and the funny comments. Some of you calling me out may be right; I probably didn't need to involve the whole family. I felt a bit cornered and ended up lashing out at everyone, and that's on me.
I think I'll take a step back from family events for a while and focus on the relationships with those who did support me.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
New-Comment2668 said:
NTA and well done! He has straight up showed he can dish it out but he sure as hell can't take it. If he doesn't want to be humiliated, he should learn to keep his snarky comments to himself.
pigandpom said:
NTA. Not in the least. They tried to diminish something you worked hard to achieve. And you're absolutely right, if it is so easy, why have none of them done it. Shit, if it's so easy, why hasn't your BIL got multiple degrees.
Your MIL clearly didn't like the fact her golden child is actually cheap gold plate, and her other son has married a woman who has eclipsed her gold plate boy.
Illustrious_Name_842 said:
NTA. You were defending yourself.
danurc said:
NTA, you did a great job defending yourself, tbh. Plus: what crawled up their asses and died? Even if it "was easy to get a university degree", in what world are you not still allowed to be proud and celebrate?
introverted_smallfry said:
NTA his comment was unnecessary and rude first. You just defended yourself. I'd just stay away from his family.
GreyJediBug said:
NTA. Your remarks to that jerk made me cackle. Always stand up for yourself. Congratulations on your graduation.
mynameisnotsparta said:
Tell MIL that BIL has no right to humiliate you either. NTA.