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Postpartum woman seriously contemplates divorce after husband plays three 'devastating' pranks. AITA? UPDATED 2X

Postpartum woman seriously contemplates divorce after husband plays three 'devastating' pranks. AITA? UPDATED 2X


When this post partum woman is furious with her husband, she asks the internet:

"I am seriously contemplating divorcing my husband over a prank. AITA?"

My husband and I are both 32 years old with a 6 week old baby. We have been together 7 years. Pranking each other has been something we do especially early in our relationship as a bit of fun. He has been known to take them too far at times and I don’t know what to think.

Since I’ve been home with baby he has continued playing pranks and my tolerance is VERY low between sleepless nights and all the hormones I find my self absolutely raging at him for these pranks, and he tells me I am being too serious, I’m no fun and I am a I quote “chronic over reactor” whatever that be.

Three pranks in particular have angered me to the point of tears, raging out and now I am contemplating divorce.

Prank 1 was making coffees for our guests with my breast milk (I am having trouble pumping so I don’t have much stored away) I was so angry and embarrassed. Prank 2 was pretending to have cut his fingers off in the garden… he dragged it on for ages too and put fake blood around… not just a quick little joke.

And lastly prank 3 which happened today and I feel is my final straw. Last night I was hinting about breakfast in bed so this morning he brings me in a coffee, toast and some chocolates.

What I assumed was peanut butter on my toast was in fact our babies poop and as I have severe sinus issues I didn’t realise and took a small bite (I spat it out straight away) he laughed hysterically and I told him to get out. He later messaged me and said all his work mates thought it was hilarious which is just embarrassing on top of it all.

I am just so angry, hurt and sad but also I don’t feel myself yet after having my baby so I don’t know am I over reacting? Would you consider these pranks way too far? They aren’t the only ones (the ones that have caused massive fights) also sets of alarms while I’m sleep deprived as it is etc.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

metaaa writes:

Hi, guy here. Pranks with my wife are like I sneak up and maybe do a jump scare, or I pretend I ate her leftovers she was waiting on.

The dude fed you that? Then went to his mates for approval. But that's not the scary part.

I know dudes like this (well, known b/c I don't f with them anymore), and the problem isn't when the prank goes wrong and the "it's just a joke" lands like a lead balloon.

The problem is if you prank this kind of person back they do NOT take it well. Immediate escalation up to and including violence. If YOU fed HIM human s he would likely have no problem putting hands on you, IMO like any rational adult would.

The worst part - because of the power dynamic even if he stops "pranking" you he'll 100% do it to your kid. When it traumatizes the kid he'll do the same deflection of it just being a prank and/or tell them to get over it or toughen up (ask me how I know).

Are you going to be OK when he feeds your 5 y/o shit toast? Worse yet, are you going to be OK when he makes your kid an accomplice in these types of "pranks" against you?

That last "prank" is the Rubicon. You have 100% of the power over your future now. If you think there's something to salvage with him and he can make a turn, then you can mandate any type of couples or individual counseling or recompense you deem necessary.

If you're not about staying "for the kids" then start making arrangements.

fancyshannn writes:

Yeah his friends laugh. Would his mom, grandma or your family think this was ok?? Your husband is seriously unhinged if he thinks ANY of these pranks are OK to play on a post partuum mom. Or any person.

This is a form of abuse. It goes so far beyond bullying when he is doing it to the mother of his child who is asking him to stop and showing clear signs of distress. You should be calling him out.

Tell the whole fucking world that your husband exhausted your already low BM supply to play a prank and tried to feed you baby shit for giggles. What a phsycho. This is divorce worthy. I'm sorry you are going through this OP. Good luck!

haddd writes:

The first 2 “pranks” are horrible and not funny in the slightest ESPECIALLY at 6 weeks postpartum. For me that’s when I felt at my absolute lowest. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with this bullshit on top of it and having an idiot waste my milk.

The 3rd incident is not a prank, it’s assault and food tampering and is highly illegal. He tainted food with human excrement, which could make you extremely sick. I’m so sick over reading this. You’re not overreacting in the slightest and I’d be leaving him as well. How could you ever trust him again!

He should be attentive to all your needs at this time because you are carrying a huge load of recovering from birth and caring for an infant full time. Instead he is abusing you and psychologically torturing you. Please leave him before his abuse escalates. He’s proven that he can’t be counted on to care for your well-being.

passmatt writes:

Ok, first of all, these pranks are not ok. They are not pranks. They’re fucking cruelty. I can’t imagine treating another living creature the way this man has treated you. This is 100% grounds for divorce.

I know you want to retreat and rest and snuggle that baby, but Mama, it ain’t nearly time to rest yet. You need support right now, and you need to be crystal fucking clear about what’s going on.

It has to be humiliating to share these details with people in your life, but they need to know what this man is doing to you and that he’s escalating. You need your people to circle the wagons now to protect you and baby.

Call your sister or trusted friend(s) over. You need somebody to hold the baby while you throw his shit on the lawn or post it for sale on marketplace or drop it off at fucking Goodwill. Don’t abandon your home. He leaves. Not you. And this happens immediately, not after his next prank.

If you rent, call the landlord and explain the situation. You need to change the locks, and the landlord needs to know why. If you own, just call a locksmith and change the locks now. He no longer gets access to your home.

2) You need to gather all of your and baby’s important documents and put them in a safe location he doesn’t have access to like your sister’s house.

Pack an emergency bag with 2-3 days of clothes, diapers, etc and a few hundred dollars in cash if you can spare it. Keep it at your sister’s house. You’ll be tempted to keep it in your car, but it’s better to keep it somewhere he can’t see it or access. This is for emergencies only. You are not leaving your home.

3) Have pets? They also need to be kept away from him. Hope it goes without saying but he no longer gets unsupervised access to pets or baby. He has proven himself to be dangerous to others. Including you: his baby’s main (possibly only) food source.

4) Call your doctor immediately and ask to be seen to rule out any illnesses related to the human feces your turd of a husband fed you. You need this documented. Your doctor will also be able to help you with local resources related to abuse.

I would also bring it up with the pediatrician at the two month appointment. It is relevant to your child’s care that there is a monster in your home.

5) Call every divorce attorney in your area for a consultation. Doesn’t matter if you don’t intend to use them. Make his life more difficult in finding an attorney. I guarantee nobody will forget the asshole who fed the mother of his newborn a shit sandwich.

6) To further ensure your health and safety, you take nothing directly from him. No flowers. No chocolates. No cookies. not a glass of water. If he bring a you this shit, tell him to put it in the garbage. I 100% guarantee it will not be safe for consumption. Don’t even take a goddamn phone call from his ass.

This is a scorched earth kind of situation. You are probably the most vulnerable you will ever be as an adult. As your husband, his role is to protect you and care for you. He should be washing and sanitizing pump parts.

He should be helping with healthy meals that bring you strength and healing. He should be doing all he can to help you relax. Instead he’s doing things a ten year old might consider a prank.

panhapoytree writes:

DOCUMENT. DOCUMENT. DOCUMENT. With all due respect, you are under reacting. You need to run and file reports with pediatrics and authorities because this man is a danger. I am horrified and furious on your behalf.

I just found your comment response about this man purposefully and consistently preventing you from sleeping for an extended period of time, going so far as to scream "fire" and set alarms to ensure you were kept awake, and laughing about it. What the actual f.

Sleep deprivation is torture. That's not hyperbole. That's not "emphasizing" the suckiness of losing sleep. That's not an exaggeration. Sleep deprivation is defined as torture. It is even listed under the Geneva Convention as a literal war crime.

One more time: it is literally defined as torture in a legal sense in the entire civilized world. Your husband is actually treating you with a standard that is even unacceptable for use in times of WAR on ENEMY COMBATANTS.

Feeding guests anything unwittingly/against their will is assault in most developed countries per a quick Google search.epending on where you are, it could be worse.

That is malicious intent with a harmful substance involved. Don't even use the word prank outside of quoting him. Don't refer to it as pranks when discussing the literal, criminal assault and abuse. Call it what it is.

It will help you really process the gravity of the situation in the long run and when dealing with documentation you put yourself at an exceptional disadvantage when you downplay it with words like "joke" or "prank" outside of the context of directly quoting your spouse.

What would happen if you stayed and these behaviors extended to your child? What if he thought depriving your child of sleep was a good chuckle? What if he deliberately fed a non-food item to your child for shits and giggles?

Do you really think, if he does this sort of abusive hazing behavior to co-workers, family, and you, that your child would be safe somehow? What if he also began pushing your child to participate in this cruelty one day?

The fog of the 4th trimester and the hormonal drop can make it so hard to see a full picture, especially when you're being abused and left unsupported. Take a step back and think about it like someone else was telling you that their spouse, co-parent of their child, was treating them this way.

How do you think it would go for a mother and child if this behavior was reported one day, then found to be historical and the mother "chose" to keep herself and the child in that environment?

Would you have advised that mom/mom friend to stick it out? Or to just try counseling? Or would you be baffled if she chose to stay and think the child needed to be removed to safer family members?

I had an acquaintance in a similar situation, and maybe it's just in the States, but child/family services did not give one single solitary f that she was also being coerced and abused because "as a parent, her responsibilities to her child and his safety superceded her own fears and misfortunes."

They threatened to try her as an accomplice to the abuse because school reported the "prank" behaviors (her son nearly broke an arm thanks to one incident) and psychological abuse before she could take him escape. I hope Aus is more civilized than that, but still probably not a situation to risk all around.

And now, OP's update:

I have had a very brief chat to him. He came home I was in the master bedroom with baby and told him to go away so he sat in the loungroom ordered himself KFC delivery and gamed. I went down and flatly said on what planet was what you did this morning appropriate?

He straight out said you should have seen the look on your face and began hysterically laughing again. I kept my cool and said he wasn’t welcome in the bedroom tonight. I am going to go to my sisters for a stay. I don’t know any further plans at this time. It has been a long 6 weeks and if anything the next week I want to spend catching up on some sleep and being able to enjoy my baby.

Update 2:

So I actually had a pretty okay sleep last night baby slept for two 4 hour chucks after having a bottle of formula over night which is the most I have slept in a long time.

My “husband” is now giving me the silent treatment and acting annoyed at me which I’ve come to realise it’s what he does if things don’t go his way. He will sulk about things until I give in.

I’ve had a lot of time to read replies and really look back on a lot of things and realise that he uses pranks and jokes as a way to be horrible to people and gain attention. His parents think it’s funny and that he is a hilarious goof ball when in reality he isn’t. I look back and so many have been so awful and mean.

Even in 2018 he gave a friend a marijuana gummy before a flight from sanfransisco to Australia and his friend had a panic attack in the bathroom on the plane and he still laughs about it and thinks it is one of his greatest tricks.

He has “accidentally” let my pet budgie out that I had prior to when we met but now I look back it was most certainly on purpose as he doesn’t like animals and always said birds were dirty animals.

What I have really noticed looking back is not just the pranks but he has 0 care of someone is worried or upset about a trick it in fact eggs him in more and more and he goes to great lengths to trick people into a state of upset then will laugh and laugh and brag about it which just leads me to think he has no empathy for another human being.

When I got back from the hospital he had me convinced our new TV in the bedroom had been dropped and broken with a cracked fake screen and I told him then enough I’m too tired for jokes so it should have been enough for it to stop. The messing around with my sleep was the start of me losing my mind and raging out on him.

Ultimately I have lost trust in him. Even if he says no pranks again I will not believe him as he has said that before then planned an elaborate month long prank.

I don’t want him pranking my baby. He constantly tags me in pranks on Facebook involving kids and he will 100% do it as some I’ve said are not cool and he says it’s “character building."

He has no respect in reality and even the stupid things he does like leaving his own poop in the toilet for me to find or waking the baby or wetting the car seat before I hop in are just blatant displays of disrespect.

My sister is in her way to pick me up and I’m going to have a week away and most likely get legal advice regarding separation.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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