Post-partum woman tells husband 'you don't lose weight MAGICALLY after going to the gym.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my husband that you don’t lose weight magically after going to the gym?"

My husband (m33) and I (f24) have been married two years, and we have a 16 week old daughter. Prior to my pregnancy, I was active but not as active as my husband. He is big into fitness and stuff and I really am not, I just worked out because my Dr. told me too lol. I only ran maybe twice a week and had a Pilates class every Sunday. I weighed 120 lbs before pregnancy.

During pregnancy I gained 40, lost 20 right off the bat after having my daughter (which my Dr. said is normal through my baby herself, fluid, placenta all that), and I have been working on losing the last 20.

While my body looks different I don’t really care as I am just glad my baby is so healthy and perfect. However my husband started mentioning my weight at 2 weeks post-partum, literally.

He would say it and frame it in a way that was a “compliment” but it wasn’t. “Oh you look so good, you look like a mommy now.” Or “I wouldn’t guess it was a whole 20 lbs, maybe just 10 or so.” I just rolled my eyes and told him to stop, honestly I didn’t care. Those comments happened maybe twice a week so it was easy to forget.

My Dr. told me to wait 12 weeks before returning to strenuous exercise, so I did. But the moment I hit 12 weeks my husband was asking me to come to the gym with him, literally all the time. He was badgering me almost. I did it to make him happy and he certainly was happy. I will admit it felt good to have some time to myself, and I didn’t mind going at all.

But now it’s been another 4 weeks since then and I haven’t lost any weight but like 2.5 lbs. My husband seems to think this is because I “snack” too much and he told me that. I told him I have to, I am breastfeeding.

So that started an argument. He told me that I should go back to Pilates to "tighten" my tummy again. I told him I’d rather die than do that right now tbh. He told me "fine then at least try harder." I told him I am trying my absolute hardest and “you don’t just magically lose weight in the gym.”

He whole heartedly disagrees with that and went on a tangent about how he loves me and my body for carrying our baby, but he wants me to still take care of myself for my health. Whatever.

I mean I get that sentiment, a lot of my post-partum appointments centered around my health as well but it more things like recovering, sleeping and eating enough. Not working out. So AITA here?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

BeautifulParamedic55 said:

Do you know that inside you have a wound the size of a dinner plate that takes 6 MONTHS to heal? Your hormones take 1-2 YEARS to settle down again, can be even longer if you are breastfeeding.

Your body made a whole other body and some parts of you will literally never be able to be the same size or strength again. Your husband needs to sit down, learn some stuff and stop being such a pig.

You have a daughter. You need to snap him out of this or think seriously about leaving in the future, because you do not want him to start on your daughter. This is how eating disorders and other similar problems start. Make sure you start planning in case he gets worse and you need to leave.

Scary_Sarah said:

NTA the rule of thumb for weight loss after having a baby is that it takes about nine months to put the weight on and it takes about nine months to take the weight off. I’m afraid he thought that if he married someone so much younger than him, he would have a trophy wife forever.

Away-Elephant-4323 said:

NTA it takes time to lose, gain, or build muscle, if he works out all the time i would think he would have some knowledge on this! That it doesn’t just happen overnight! take your time for you and only you not him!

MsBaseball34 said:

NTA. The age gap was all I needed to read - he is a twatwaffle. Ignore him; be happy and healthy according you, your doctor and your daughter, and if he doesn't like it too bad.

Recent_Data_305 said:

You’re going to carry about ten extra pounds of fat while breastfeeding. This is normal. NTA. Your husband, however, is a major AH. There is no guarantee that your belly will be as flat as it was before. Your body has some permanent changes. I’m not sure he can handle that.

Cali_Holly said:

NTA. Tell him that you didn’t realize that his love is conditional. And that based on how he is treating you right now and badgering you about your weight and acting like he knows more about what you need to eat and how much when it comes to breast-feeding, that you are darn well, not having any more kids now. That is not worth putting up with his constant harping and harassing.

And a woman’s emotions is tied to their ability to have genuine intimacy. And the way he talks, you won’t be able to hear that in your mind while he is pushing for intimacy. And you’ll wonder if he finds you so repulsive why does he even want to be intimate with you now?

Especially until you do Pilates and tighten up your stomach and lose that last 20 pounds. See what his response is then. Lol. OR, you can tell him how you can instantly lose 150 pounds. You’ll divorce him.

Wilcrest said:

NTA. He’s waving a huge red flag that says he will cheat on you if you don’t make your body attractive enough for him again.