'AITA for posting about my niece’s first birthday?' 'My parents asked me not to.'

"AITA for posting about my niece’s first birthday even though my parents asked me not to?"

I (28F) recently posted a few photos from my niece’s first birthday. It was a small, sweet, joyful moment - but now my parents have completely shut down contact, and I’m wondering if I crossed a line.

My brother Adam and I were estranged for a few years due to big personality differences. He also had a major falling out with our parents during 2020, and eventually cut off all contact with them.

A year later, he married his partner Erin. Neither I nor my parents were invited. I wasn’t offended - we weren’t speaking - but my parents were devastated. They only found out because someone sent them a photo from his social media.

I gently told them life was going to keep moving and they needed to decide whether to try and mend things or come to terms with being estranged. They couldn’t keep acting shocked every time something happened without them.

Around that time, Adam started reaching out to me. We slowly rebuilt a relationship. I told my parents I wanted to try again with him, meet Erin, and be part of any future niece or nephew’s life. I asked how much they wanted to know. They said they hoped it would work out for me, but didn’t want to hear anything unless it was something public that could catch them off guard.

Then Adam and Erin had a daughter, Lila. She was born with a disability and spent time in the NICU. Adam reached out to our parents - told them what happened, invited them to visit, and said she’d need all the love she could get.

They responded with sympathy, but chose not to meet her. They said they were afraid of falling in love with their granddaughter and having that used against them later. I was heartbroken, but I respected that it was their choice.

Over the past year, I’ve grown close to Adam, Erin, and Lila. They’ve welcomed me completely. I also honored my parents’ boundaries - not bringing them up and not posting anything online. They didn’t want people in our community asking why they weren’t involved.

So I didn’t post. For almost a year. But as Lila’s first birthday approached, I realized I didn’t want to keep hiding something that mattered so much to me. I gave my parents a heads-up and told them it wasn’t about them it was just something I wanted to share.

After that, they went silent. I texted and called, asked how my mom’s presentation went — no reply. I started to worry something had happened. Eventually my dad messaged that they were “dealing with” the post and hadn’t felt calm enough to respond.

I’ve tried to be compassionate and transparent every step of the way. I’ve never pushed them to reconnect with Adam. But I don’t think it’s fair to be asked to erase a huge part of my life to protect them from hard conversations. I love my niece. I want to live honestly. So… AITA for posting?

EDIT TO CLARIFY: Some people have asked and I want to be clear that I asked Adam and Erin permission before posting ANY pictures - they actually sent me the photos to post, and have also shared photos.

We all also have private accounts that only family/friends follow (there is just overlap with people in my parents’ lives). Also to clarify, my parents don’t have social media. Their issue isn’t about THEM seeing it, it’s about PEOPLE THEY KNOW seeing it.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Enuya95 said:

NTA as long as your brother and his wife were ok with you posting about their daughter on socials. They are part of your life. You shouldn't be forced to choose between them and your parents.

Bitter-Paramedic-531 said:

Wow. Your parents are hard work!! If they don't want to see things on social media, they shouldn't be on social media. What they don't get to do is censor other people on social media. You did nothing wrong. In fact, you went over and above by giving them the heads up.

The fact they would rather stay estranged from your brother and his family than accept his olive branch and meet their grandchildren, says a lot about who they are. So does the fact that they are that extreme over a single post.

It won't be long before they alienate you too. Stop protecting the feelings of people who don't seem to care about how their actions make others feel. Post loads.

DamnitGravity said:

I love how your parents automatically assume that your brother would use his child against them. Almost as though that's something they would do...NTA. You can do what you want with your social media. You had the parents permission to post. You did nothing wrong.

Your parents are idiots. I suspect they haven't reconciled because they're too stubborn to accept they might've been wrong and so they hold their pain like a talisman. If they don't see your brother living a happy life, they can continue to believe they were right about everything.

Opening-Pea5678 said:

Your parents cut contact with another one of their children because you posted a picture online. They have issues. NTA.

Maschamari said:

NTA. Your parents want to pretend like your niece doesn’t exist. They’re upset because you’ve now made that impossible for them. Sounds like a them problem. You had the child’s parents permission. You respectfully gave your parents a heads up. You did everything the right way and there’s nothing that you need to apologize for or feel bad about.

BlondDee1970 said:

NTA. Your parents had the opportunity to get to know their granddaughter and they chose not to do so. That doesn’t mean they get to dictate your relationships or social media posts. You have every right to share your niece’s birthday celebrations. If they can’t handle that due to the choices they made - that’s on them.