Bride refuses to take down her wedding photo after absent father calls it 'disrespectful'. AITA? UPDATED
"AITA for posting a picture of my stepdad walking me down the aisle?"
So for context, I (23F) have a very strained and rocky relationship with my bio dad (45M). When I was young, he cheated on my mom (45F) and basically abandoned me and my little sister, Belle (21F), for his new wife, Amanda (35F).
My mom remarried to my stepdad, Jason (48M), when I was 10 (two years after my dad left) and Jason has been more of a dad to us than my bio dad ever was. My bio dad didn’t come to my wedding, so honestly I don’t even know why I’m typing this, but here we are.
I recently married the love of my life, Daniel (24M), on August 1st. The day was magical. Jason walked me down the aisle, and it meant so much to me. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon, and when we got back, our photographer sent us a sneak peek of our wedding photos. Obviously, I posted a few, including one of Jason walking me down the aisle.
An hour after I posted, Belle called me and asked me to take that particular photo down. She said our dad had called her, saying it was “disrespectful” to let another man walk me down the aisle. She told him, “Well, you weren’t even at the wedding.” He apparently responded with, “I would’ve gone if she’d let me walk her down the aisle.”
For the record, there was absolutely no way I was going to let him do that. He hasn’t been there for me in years, and Jason has been the one who’s actually acted like a father.
Now Belle says I’m being petty and rubbing it in his face by posting the picture, and some extended family have started making comments about how I “shouldn’t air family drama online.” I don’t see how posting a photo from my own wedding is “airing drama,” but now I’m wondering if I’m missing something. So AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Of course you're NTA. I would even double down on this and post a follow up thanking your step dad not only for walking you down the aisle, but for being there for you raising you. Any of your bio dads flying monkeys who call you can be blocked.
NTA, it's your wedding and your moment, if your bio dad didn't show up or step up then he doesn't get a say now, celebrate the man who actually earned that spot.
NTA... And, your dad did walk you down the aisle. Just because he's not related by DNA... Doesn't mean he's not family. As you said bio male was MIA. Jason stepped up..... and took over. That's a true parent.
Capable_Constant_573 (OP)
That I know. I do call Jason my dad, Just for the sake of not confusing people, I used his name. I just feel guilty in a way, yk?
NTA, I was a stepdad who “ took on” two young kids after their father left after cheating on their mum. I raised them as mine and was lucky enough to walk them down the Aisle. Your bio dad didn’t even attend the wedding! You did nothing wrong choosing the person who raised you.
Five days later, the OP returned with an update.
I honestly didn’t expect all the comments and kind words on my original post so thank you!! I ended up speaking with both my dad and Belle about the whole situation.
First, with Belle, I told her to stay out of it altogether. I said if she’s on our dad’s side so much, SHE can have him walk HER down the aisle at HER wedding. I also made it clear that I’m not going to punish her for still talking to him, but I’m also not going to pretend he’s been a father to me when he frankly never was. She didn’t have much to say after that.
Then I called my dad. That conversation went… about how you’d expect. He started with, “One day you’ll understand,” and that I “needed to learn respect.” I told him cheating wasn’t respectful, and neither was abandoning your kids, and that he hasn’t been there for me since I was 10. Jason, however, has been there every step of the way, and he is my father to me. That’s when my dad hung up on me. Lol.
Amanda then made a passive-aggressive Facebook post saying, “No matter things that happened in the past, you’ll always be family.” I’m about 99% sure that was about me, but I digress.
At the end of the day, I’m still not taking the photo down. I don’t want to make Jason upset if I do, and he deserves to be celebrated. I’m not letting my bio dad rewrite history just because it makes him uncomfortable.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Go you for standing your ground family isn’t always blood it’s those who show up an stand by you x
People get so entitled around weddings and babies. I’m proud of you!
Look this is a nice story and all. But that commenter saying "He can't ride two horses with one ass" is forever seared in my head lmao. I want it as a flair.
I love the sight of his daughter smiling and being supported was triggering. I mean, it sucks he's an AH. But the fact that something so wholesome sets him off says quite a lot about him.
"How dare you embarrass me with my own actions!" If he was less of a trash person, he could have simply been happy that another man stepped in to raise and love the daughter he chose not to, and that man was being acknowledged for his role. But people like this want all the gold with none of the digging.
The gall of this deadbeat cheater to ask to walk the daughter he abandoned down the aisle.