"AITA for posting my husbands affair on FB?"

I (28F) call me Frey, have been in a 5 year long relationship (1.5 years married) with my husband,call him Joe (29M). We had a cute get together story and seemed great for each other. We have similar hobbies, interests, physical compatibility, and goals in life. He even proposed twice and I accepted twice (one was to have my parents present). We did both a courthouse wedding and a actual party wedding as well.

So at no point did I think he didn't want to be married. We even have a more fun romantic life being involved with parties and gatherings. I have always made it clear that we were monogamous, no kissing or sleeping with other people. Especially no cheating. It was always a deal breaker that we talked about many times.

Fast forward to the summer before last, I hire this acquaintance call her Jolene(20). I work as a dog trainer and run my own company she wanted a mentor and extra income as she can't work a normal job due to her health. Things are great we become friends and even assists with my dogs in my wedding in August.

She continues to work for me and starts to stay in our guest room across from our other Female roommate. She had a long commute so I thought this would help. I make sure to be clear that I want nothing to do with Jolene. He acknowledges me. She lived on and off a few days a week throughout last year.

Over the course of that year my husband become more estranged, distant really. He stopped wanting to talk to me, dates were few and far between even months, finances were tough but we kept trying. I would try and talk but I'd get shut down. Intimacy was maybe twice a week if I tried to initiate. I would try multiple times a week, he would say wrong timing or he's tired.

I tried to go to our local game store to play MTG or warhammer and he would decline wanting to stay home. He was on his phone constantly. I would bring it up and he'd ignore me. He also put a lock on it too. I never pried assuming he's just stressed.

A couple months ago, we go to watch TV in bed and he's on his phone glued. I lean over and see a notification that Jolene "❤️" a photo he sent. I asked him to show me. He says "don't worry about it". I make him give me his phone before he can delete the messages. I find out they been in an affair for ~10 months. Joe and Jolene have been together in his car, my home (sometimes when I was home) to my knowledge.

I'm disgusted, enraged. He was telling her he loved her, sending photos, talking about buying her things etc. almost everyday he's messaging her. When I tried to talk to him, he couldn't even say anything or look at me. I wailed crying that night. I found out it started around the time I took on an extra job to help pay bills on top of my 60hrs.

He said he was drunk the first time. But they didn't stop hooking up at least 2X a month. He said “she didn't stop him”. She called him a coping mechanism and was weirdly in love with me.

I end up kicking them both out a day later and demand a divorce. I tried to talk to him multiple times over the week and his is silent. It's like talking to a wall. Frustrated, I instead I post what happened on FB. I stuck to the facts of what happened including the fact he wasn't safe and was using only plan b with her, as she wasn't on BC. I ask where his money was and that this was a betrayal on so many levels.

I call him out for a bad birthday and lack of caring this year in general. Stated how I took care of both of them as I was in charge of the house as well. This man would only help if told. Everything I posted was true. He blocks me on FB. All of his friends were mine to begin with and they block him. Even his old friends reach out the check on me. His family follows me and reads everything that he did. They say nothing.

He couldn't give a reason why and simply notes "you made me feel guilty that you were a good wife", "I don't deserve you", and "it felt nice someone else liked me". Is all I got. Since then we've both gotten lawyers and plan an uncontested divorce. He's been no contact short of lawyer confirmation. His whole family is mad that I aired out his dirty laundry and hates me. Even as far to blame me for the cheating/affair. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Cassubeans said:

NTA. He made his bed, he got the laundry dirty to be aired.

GirlStiletto said:

NTA - IF he didn't want his dirty laundry aired in public, he shouldn't have cheated on his wife.

Similar_Corner8081 said:

NTA His family is so wrong. This is his fault.

OP responded:

I can agree. Him mom is most certainly enabling him and his responses. She never liked me to begin with. My MIL is very much a “boy mom”. And he’s the oldest.

twilight9449 said:

NTA He did what he did and needs to own it.

OP responded:

I think that’s the primary issue. He cares more about his image/who knows than what he did to me.

Direct_Commission492 said:

NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. Why is it okay for him to do it in the dark but not for you to bring it to the light? His parents are ashamed of him, and that he came from them. That is NOT YOUR FAULT. All cheaters deserve to be outed to protect other innocents from their selfish actions.

OP responded:

He did also threatened me. Saying posting on FB was “slander” and what I did was illegal