'AITA for posting screenshots of my SIL's texts online and 'making her look bad?'

"AITA for posting screenshots of my SIL's texts online and 'making her look bad?'"

I (29F) and my wife (28F) had our sons six days ago, the pregnancy was complicated and they had TTTS (Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome) which resulted in them coming early. They are currently in the Neonatal Unit and my wife and I practically live there so we can spend time with our boys.

My brother and his wife got married two days ago, I didn't want to leave my sons or my wife so I missed the wedding though I sent them their gift from us and a text wishing them a fantastic day and I thought nothing more of it.

Yesterday I got a text from my new sister in law explaining that because my wife and I missed the wedding she'd need us to send her £140 for our plates of food. I asked her if she was joking and she told me that she got my wife couldn't go as she had to stay in the hospital but that I wasn't the one who gave birth so I could have went and saved two plates of food from going to waste.

I told her she was being ridiculous and asked if my brother was aware she was asking his sister for money for food, she brushed that off and said weddings were expensive and she had to try and recoup her losses and this should be between us "woman to woman." Between this and her thinking I should have gone anyway I admit I lost my temper.

I ended up taking screenshots of the conversation and posting it to Facebook. This shocked several people in the family and she must have gotten bombarded with messages as she told me to take it down, as I was making her look bad and people were taking it out of context and thinking she was some kind of villain.

My brother called me and told me not to worry about the money that it was stupid to expect us to pay for the plates though asked me to take the post down and he'd handle it. He seemed kind of shocked by her even asking this.

Did I go too far? My wife is mostly upset by our SIL's comment about how I wasn't the one to give birth, as if it makes me less of their mother. Maybe I should have handled it better but I admit at the time I wasn't thinking very clearly.

Edit: I thought I said in the post but I didn't (sorry running on very little sleep) I took down the post when my brother asked me to do so.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

ElDJee wrote:

NTA.

You'd take down the post as requested, though. It has served its purpose.

OP responded:

Oh god, edited post there thanks. Your post made me double check. I took it down when my brother asked me to. I seriously thought I added that. I'm running on no sleep.

cgdivine01 wrote:

Oh. My. God! Your SIL's true colors came out the second she got that ring didn't it? What a witch! I bet she didn't even pay for the wedding. I am just gobsmacked. I wouldn't take a thing down! Let the family see who she really is! Congrats on the birth and for being such an upstanding husband and dad already. Your SIL is horrible. I hope someday she has a miserable pregnancy.

OP responded:

Wife and Mother, we're a same sex couple but thank you!

Illustrious-Onion329 wrote:

SIL is coming across as homophobic. Would she be ok for her husband to leave her in the hospital after a traumatic birth and with babies in the NICU to go to a party? Or is that different since you’re not “the father”? NTA.

Soft_cookie99 wrote:

NTA at all. Some people need public shaming to drop their bullshit. She said some seriously hurtful things and all over 140 euro. Not a great way to start her entrance into the family. How incredibly rude and mean.

And after the reaction off others in your circle, I would suspect most of them would have reacted the same way. Congratulations on your new babies and starting your beautiful family! I hope you and your wife get to take your healthy twins home soon and start enjoying life!

habitsofwaste wrote:

ESH. Jesus Christ. Someday you’ll learn not to put drama on Facebook. It was a hard lesson for me to learn too. It’s unnecessary. All you had to do was text your brother the screen shot and ask him if he agrees with her.

imamage_fightme wrote:

NTA that is beyond messed up, to come asking for money when of course you couldn't go, your damn wife just gave birth! You would've been a terrible partner to her to leave her to go to a wedding. Your SIL seems incredibly tacky, good luck to your brother dealing with that!

Outside_Case1530 wrote:

NTA. New SIL really got off to a really bad start as a member of your family, didn't she! What terrible, self-centered, insensitive person she is. Her saying her demand for the £ should be kept between you, "woman to woman," makes it very clear your brother didn't know what she was up to & she didn't want him to know. You didn't make her look bad - she did that all by herself.

You posted her own words & I'm sure nobody had to read between the lines to understand what she was saying. It's really nice, for once, to read that family/friends weighing in didn't say for the wronged/abused psrty to let it go, "you know how she is, 'be the "bigger person," etc, to keep "peace in the family."

She is a villain & deserves everything others are saying about & to her. It's good that your brother is being supportive of the 2 of you & your precious babies but I do feel sorry for him. As for the food going to waste - if the wedding was in the same area where you are, she should have had the *$&! meals brought to you at the hospital! Best wishes to the 4 of you & here's hoping you'll all be able to go home soon.

Less_Instruction_345 wrote:

NTA. Your brother is now having to deal with the person he really married. And I am glad to hear that others reacted the same way to the post; she has really made herself look like a nasty twit and lots of people will never forget her callous actions. Hopefully brother has heard of annulment!? Congratulations and good luck with the babies.

626337 wrote:

Congratulations for joining the parenthood club! I hope for the speediest of recoveries for twins and your wife.

Agree with everyone else here: you're NTA.

However, I would like to take your SIL to task about "recouping the loss." It's a sunk cost; the food was already paid for whether or not people showed up for their plates. It's not like the caterers can serve that meal to someone else. The quantities were already prepared, unless I am misunderstanding something.

So SIL went beyond recouping a loss and just wanted to shame you for not attending. What a selfish AH, but as another commenter said, it's good to know now what her character is like and to keep her out of your lives as much as possible.

That's an impossible action to live down.