Postpartum woman insists on moving out of MIL's guest room, 'we hit our roughest patch yet.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my husband that he, our newborn, our dog, and I need to move out of his mom's upstairs bedroom?"
My husband (24M) and I (25F) moved in with my husband's widowed mom at the beginning of 2024 to save for a house while I was pregnant with our first child. My husband works full time and I'm a stay-at-home mom to our now newborn baby.
We pay his mom a small amount monthly and live in two out of three bedrooms upstairs. One is used as an office/living, the second is our bedroom/nursery, and the third is my husband's brother's room, who is a recent college grad.
We knew this wouldn't be easy, but after 7 months of us living here, we've hit our roughest patch yet. We intended to move out of his mom's house sometime in 2025 and into our new home, but expenses and the economy have stalled our savings. Our plans have needed to change, but living in this current housing situation has become increasingly uncomfortable and taxing on our marriage.
We have very little control in the home, always having to accommodate the other two residents here that live differently than we do, and respect for our personal space and time is inconsistent. Sometimes the food I need to grab in my 5 minutes away from the baby isn't in the fridge, or my mother-in-law is talking over me when I'm with my husband downstairs.
All of this compounds when you add in being postpartum, learning how to parent for the first time, and the pressure of taking care of a newborn that cries around the clock. My husband and I fight almost daily, I can't get through a week without a meltdown that affects our routines, and I'm struggling to see how we'll make it through the coming holidays without more conflict.
My husband is determined to stay here until either we 1) save enough for a down payment or 2) he gets a job with higher salary. However, both of these are unlikely to happen within the next several months. Graciously, my parents have gifted us 10k to help us move out sooner and before things get any harder.
After receiving this, I told my husband in a conversation that we need to move out and into an apartment ASAP, but he completely freaked out. I made things worse by pushing him and creating a huge argument out of my pain points with living here. Now I'm the bad guy for telling him that we need to move out sooner than we originally planned, and not into a house.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
fanofthethings said:
This sounds mean, but move out. He doesn’t have to come with you if he’s going to be stubborn. But if you need to move for your health and mental wellness, do it! It doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It means you’re putting your family first. You can pay rent for quite a while with the money from your parents. You’re NTA. He’s being unreasonable.
Car_One said:
ESH. She’s a stay at home Mom. How will she afford to get her own apartment? She needs to learn a little emotional regulation. She and her husband need a plan. They are also currently taking up 2 bedrooms in the house for very little rent. Do they help with other expenses and help with chores?
Oscarorangecat said:
YTA and so is your spouse. You never should have had a kid without a place of your own, you need to stfu in someone else’s house-of course you have no say- and you and your spouse are ahs for not moving immediately. I can’t imagine what your mil is putting up with
TryingToBeLevel said:
YTA - You demand that you need to get an apartment ASAP but you don't suggest any middle ground such as moving in with your parents (if that's an option), getting a job at night when husband is home, asking MIL to provide childcare while you both work during the day, etc...the only options are get new apartment, continue being SAHM, and...pray.
jacksonlove3 said:
NTA. Sometimes it better to prioritize your wellbeing over long term plans like buying a house. The current situation isn’t working for you and is creating a lot of stress on your marriage. He’s being unreasonable and selfish for not seeing what it doing to you and your marriage.
fbombmom_ said:
NTA. Hold on to that money until you get a job, and then move, with or without him. If you think he'd take the money to stop you from leaving, put it in an account he doesn't have access to. Right now, he's choosing his mommy over the family he's created.