Postpartum woman leaves husband at the hospital, 'he refused to be in the delivery room.' AITA?

"AITA for leaving my husband at the hospital after he refused to be in the delivery room with me?"

I (29F) and my husband “Jake” (32M) have been together for six years, married for three. We were both ecstatic when we found out we were expecting our first child. Pregnancy was tough for me, though—I had severe morning sickness, gestational diabetes, and was generally miserable. But Jake was supportive and sweet the whole way through, which made it bearable.

As we got closer to my due date, we discussed birth plans. I was adamant that I wanted Jake in the delivery room. I needed his support, and he’d always agreed. However, a few weeks before my due date, Jake started acting strange. He was distant, distracted, and wouldn’t engage in any baby-related discussions. I thought he was just anxious about becoming a dad, so I didn’t press him too much.

The day I went into labor, Jake drove me to the hospital but seemed off. He was quiet and kept checking his phone. When we got there, he pulled the nurse aside and spoke to her privately. She came back and told me Jake wouldn’t be in the delivery room because he was “uncomfortable with blood and medical procedures.”

I was stunned. He’d never mentioned this before. I begged him to stay, told him I needed him, but he just kept saying, “I can’t do this.” I was heartbroken and furious, but I didn’t have much time to dwell on it as my contractions were getting stronger. Jake said he’d be in the waiting room and kissed me on the forehead before leaving. I was left alone, crying and feeling utterly abandoned.

Labor was long, painful, and traumatic. I was alone the entire time except for the medical staff. When our son was finally born, I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. The nurse handed me my son, and all I felt was a deep sadness that Jake wasn’t there to share this moment.

After I was taken to a recovery room, I asked the nurse to get Jake. She came back and said he’d left the hospital hours ago. I couldn’t believe it. I called him repeatedly, but he didn’t answer. Finally, I sent him a text saying I was done and he could find his own way home.

I didn’t see him until the next day. He showed up at the hospital with flowers and an apology, saying he’d panicked and needed some air. He claimed he’d gone home to shower and change and fell asleep, which I didn't buy for a second.

I told him I didn’t believe him. I was overwhelmed with anger and hurt, and I told him he had let me down in the worst possible way. He kept apologizing, saying he knew he’d messed up and he’d do anything to make it right.

I didn’t want him near me or our son at that moment, so I asked him to leave. He tried to protest, but I told him I needed time to process everything. He left, and I spent the rest of my hospital stay alone with my baby, trying to grapple with the enormity of what had happened.

Since then, Jake has been trying to make amends. He’s been taking parenting classes, attending therapy, and is constantly trying to be present and supportive. But I can’t shake the feeling of betrayal. He abandoned me at one of the most vulnerable moments of my life.

Every time I look at him, I remember being alone in that delivery room, terrified and in pain, wondering why the person who promised to be by my side wasn’t there. My family is split. Some think I’m being too hard on Jake, that he made a mistake and is clearly remorseful.

They say he’s a good father and partner otherwise, and I should focus on moving forward for the sake of our child. Others think what he did was unforgivable and I should leave him. They believe I’ll never truly trust him again, and that’s no foundation for a marriage.

I’m torn. I do still love him, and I know he loves me and our son. But part of me wonders if I’ll ever get over this. Was it just a moment of weakness on his part, or a sign of something deeper that I can’t overlook? So, AITA for leaving him at the hospital and now considering leaving him for good?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

phyrsis said:

NTA. Only you know the details of what your marriage is truly like, but in your shoes I'd have given the nurse a note to give him in the hospital that he was to be completely moved out before baby and I came home. What he did is unforgivable, and it lets you know that in the future, when your health and safety are on the line, he won't be there.

tiggergirluk76 said:

NTA. This would be a step too far for me. He had 9 months to prepare for this. If he genuinely has this issue with blood and medical procedures, there was time for counselling or therapy. Even if the fear couldn't be overcome, you would've had time to organize a backup plan for a support person.

As it was, he did this in the worst way possible, by not only leaving the room, but leaving the entire hospital and going into hiding.Personally, in your position I wouldn't have him back at all. Not just because he wasn't at the birth, but because of the way it happened, which left you abandoned with nobody at the most vulnerable moment of your life.

There could've been an emergency. Women and babies still die during childbirth more often than you might think, and he wouldn't have been there for either of you.

Devi_Moonbeam said:

NTA. I would never ever be able to get past this. Ever. He's shown you that when push comes to shove, he thinks of only himself, not you and not your child.

ImprovementMental646 said:

NTA however I would leave him. He showed you his true color, by abandoning you in your MOST vulnerable time when you needed his support the most. I don't know any men who stay with their partner during birth and don't think that's disgusting with the blood and sometimes other things.

They don't stay to watch their partner hooked up to 10000 monitors and in pain because they enjoy it, they stay to support and help their partners throughout the birth, be there to help and support through the pain and meet their child. He deprived you of this experience.

Your husband abandoned you in your time of need, when you needed him and he gave you no choice. He didn't even have the balls to let you know in person or the decency to discuss it with you in person beforehand. And also what was his excuse for leaving the hospital at all? Who cares if he showered or not, seems odd that he fell asleep and couldn't be reached, something is amiss.

Leave with your son, your husband doesn't have your back and there seems to be something else going on. Any men would have showered and come back right away to not miss anything, he could have slept in the waiting room the fact he fell asleep means he was laying down or sitting at home after his shower...

daisyistiny said:

You’re definitely NTA. That was your most vulnerable moment, and he bailed. Whether you work it out or not, he’s gotta earn back that trust big time.

Unfair_Ride_9943 said:

NTA. For me the worst part of this story is probably the lying if he knew he wouldn't be able to be in the room with you then he should have just said that instead of abandoning you when you were vulnerable and going through something life changing and God's forbid if something had gone wrong life ending and he wasn't there

I don't know your relationship or your dynamic outside of this one post but therapy would be a good start but I would also ask myself do I trust that this won't happen again if something else or another child happens in the future. I wish you all the best and hope you find an outcome that brings you peace of mind.

Obedientbela said:

NTA. You're not the AH for leaving your husband at the hospital after he refused to be in the delivery room. His abandonment during such a vulnerable moment was hurtful and understandably left you feeling betrayed. While he’s shown remorse and made efforts to improve since then, it’s crucial to prioritize your feelings and trust in the relationship.

Your family's split opinions reflect the complexity of the situation, but ultimately, you must decide if you can move forward with him or if this breach of trust is something you can't overlook. Consider talking to a therapist for support as you navigate your emotions and decisions.