My (42F) ex husband (44M) cheated on me when we were married. I have two 16 year old twin daughters who haven’t really coped well with their father cheating on their mother with a much younger woman in her 30’s. They hate her and I haven’t really encouraged my daughters to consider her a maternal figure.
The mistress also knew we were married and were having problems and she had an equal part in ruining my marriage as she pursued him first. They were working in the same office.
I try to maintain a civil relationship with my husband and we coparent, and have 50/50 custody. After a year now, my husband married the mistress, which personally felt like a slap on my face and a funeral of my marriage as I still had some love, even though he didn’t deserve it, for him. I was obviously not a part of the wedding festivities.
My daughters are teenagers and act out like teenagers do. Lately, I’ve seen an increased amount of aggression in them and their teachers have also brought to my attention that they have bullied a girl who was dating their common friend’s ex. It’s just not a great situation and they are currently on the waitlist for individual counselling.
My daughters do not like the mistress and are very disrespectful towards her. My husband wanted me to intervene and facilitate a civil dynamic but honestly why should I care how my daughters treat the woman who tore apart our family? Don’t get me wrong, I hate him more than her, but we could’ve resolved our issues on our own if she hadn’t inserted herself in our marriage. There’s always a possibility.
Anyway, during the rehearsal dinner, the bride apparently had to leave for bathroom every 5 minutes. Turns out she got diarrhoea and was pretty upset about it lol. The next day, her stomach issues weren’t as bad, but it was still a miserable day for her and as a bride I can understand the fear of exploding one from your bum.
She had a constant pain in her stomach the entire day and my husband had to postpone his honeymoon because she developed a stomach bug. Safe to say her nuptial and post nuptials were ruined haha.
My daughters gleefully told me that they had crushed up some strong laxatives and spiked her food with it. The right approach would’ve been to scold them for what they did but I did have a good laugh over it. I did tell them that what they did was inappropriate and they shouldn’t repeat it but I’m not going to punish them for it as I understood where their actions came from.
I do not condone it, but still had a good laugh over it. My husband found out what had happened and he wants to ground our both daughters. He wants to take away their phones for a whole month but I purchased them new ones (they had iPhone 10X and they both turn 17 in 2 weeks so I consider it a birthday gift) when they got here.
I disagreed with him and told him that when my daughters stay with me, I’m not gonna punish them for a silly prank. To their credit, they didn’t intend to ruin her wedding day that’s why decided to prank her only on the rehearsal dinner. I just don’t think punishing them when they are hurting like this is going to help.
My husband has no intentions of ever telling the mistress what my daughters did though. She probably thinks she got food poisoning/intolerance and doesn’t want to discuss it out of embarrassment. AITA?
Lower-Elk8395 said:
Damn...there was not a single person who was not an a$$hole mentioned here...usually its at least one person who is innocent. Maybe the teachers? They didn't seem to do anything wrong... ESH.
littlepaledoll said:
ESH. He shouldn’t have cheated, she shouldn’t have slept with your husband, and you probably shouldn’t condone laxative spiking. Obviously your kids and you don’t need to give a damn about this lady, but I wouldn’t encourage my kids to do something that could get them in legal trouble, at the very least.
SallBell said:
The fact that you repeatedly refer to him as your husband says a lot. Try and get some counselling if you're not already, otherwise you're never going to be able to move on. They need some form of discipline it's not even funny tbh.
Winterblue24 said;
Your daughters spiked someone’s food. You laughed and rewarded them with new phones “for their birthday”. They are being “mean girls” at school as well. I find it interesting that you need to post to ask if you are an asshole when you clearly aren’t teaching your girls how to deal with their emotions and are encouraging dangerous behavior instead.
My husband has seizures and his brother played a similar “prank”. It caused his medication to not be properly absorbed and he had a seizure while driving home from a family event because his stomach was bothering him. What if the new wife was pregnant and miscarried as a result of this “prank”? What if she is also on some form of maintenance medication?
No part of what your girls did was funny and the fact that you are so angry with your ex for cheating that you aren’t parenting. You should also consider therapy.
And Kaalandra said:
YTA What if she had a medical issue prior to that? What if this canceled some medical treatment she's taking? Your EX husband is a piece of work but you're the worst too and you're raising two bullies. You say they're on the waiting list for therapy but you don't even seem to care that your attitude is pushing and validating them going after a girl who's seeing someone's ex.
And I'm being polite. Get a grip and stop getting your revenge by proxy by encouraging your daughters to be too little b.
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