'AITA for canceling my wedding because I'm afraid of my mother-in-law?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for canceling my wedding because I'm afraid of my mother-in-law?"

I am 29 years old and I have been with my partner for 12 years now, since we have been together his mother has made it clear that he hates me, I never understood the reason, but I think it is out of jealousy, given that before me, he was Mommy's boy.

My partner proposed to me when we discovered that I was three months pregnant, and I said yes, I was very excited and quickly began the preparations, I hired a wedding planner and from there everything went wrong.

My MIL told everyone that I was a bad woman for not taking care of my own wedding and that I was tying up her son with a pregnancy, that I was lazy and kept. We both paid for the wedding, since we have been together for so long we have a shared savings account and we have been able to save a lot.

We always said that if we ever separated we would split the account in half and now that we were going to get married and have a baby, We used it for planning, but my MIL says that the tradition is that the bride's father pays for the wedding, and since I don't have a father I should take care of the expenses.

My fiance told her that was stupid and to stay out of her finances, and he wasn't asking her for money. Even though my boyfriend threatened not to invite her to the wedding, my MIL continued making comments like that, everything collapsed when I tried some things from the banquet and realized that they had nuts and other things to which I am allergic, although I did report my allergies to the coordinator.

I ended up in the emergency room, luckily nothing happened to my baby, although if he was in danger, it was when my boyfriend asked the organizer for an explanation. It turns out that I and she communicated by email and he never received my list of what we were allergic to, that is, if my husband's one arrived, but when it came to mine it said no allergies.

My partner has the emails registered on his mother's computer, since it was our old computer. My partner didn't think twice and immediately accused her of it, and he also told her that he no longer wanted to have contact with her.

For my part, I began to rethink my entire situation. He has already recanted and brought his mother back into our lives again, so I can't trust his word. And I really don't plan to risk it again, and even less so with my baby, she didn't care that she could lose her grandson.

I love him, with all my heart, but right now I have more love for my son and also fear of his mother, little by little I was canceling things, and when it came time to return certain deposits I put them in the savings account.

My partner did not realize this fact until he went to the place where we had ordered the cake to make sure of the ingredients and found out about my cancellation, after asking me by call why I canceled, so I asked him to meet up.

I told him that I no longer felt safe about getting married, that I loved him but I didn't feel safe that the two of us (me and my baby) would be close to his family, that I wouldn't marry him but that he would be part of our baby's life. . He told me that he was willing to stay away from everyone for both of us, but I can't believe him, he had already said it before and a few months later we were back to the same thing.

I remained firm with my decision and gave him the ring, I also showed him everything I could return to the shared account, I told him that what they would not refund I only deducted from my part and that I already divided our money and took out my part. It's been a week and I'm devastated, he is too, our mutual friends have told me, some say I did well and others say I was miserable.

I only look out for the health and well-being of my baby and myself. His mother started spreading the rumor that it was my ex who broke up with me when she discovered that my son was not hers and I have received comments calling me inappropriate names.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

TarzanKitty said:

Keep track of EVERYTHING! Try and get a statement from the caterer and copies of the emails “you” sent. Save all emails, texts and voicemails in a separate folder. Sooner rather than later you and your child will need an order of protection. When that day comes. You will want all of the documentation available. NTA.

MadameAllura said:

I say NTA, cut your losses and run. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but it will never get better. This can’t be the life you want for you and your child.

CarefulNow- said:

Have I read that right? She faked the email concerning your allergies to the coordinator? I would go to the police. This is so serious. Then judge your fiancé on whether he backs you or not.

shawdoghdfgh4454 said:

NTA. Your concerns about your safety and your baby's well-being are valid and it is important to prioritize them.

EducationalBox5396 said:

NTA! Being part of his family with that MIL would be awful. Especially after all this. File a police report too please.

appleblossom1962 said:

NTA. I’m not exactly sure how to put this, what you’re doing in sacrificing your feelings for your baby is the most courageous thing that a mommy could do. When it comes down to custody and visitation rights, make absolutely certain that is written in the court, that your child’s father may not, take the child to grandma‘s house.

If grandma hates you so much that she tried to kill you she may try and do the same thing with your child. We never want to put our children in danger if we could avoid it. Congratulations on your pregnancy, continue loving that little one. I believe that you are going to be a fantastic mom.

UPDATE:

It's been almost 2 months since my mother-in-law tried to poison me while I was pregnant with her grandson and a few things happened: My MIL continued to spread rumors that i cheated on her son and that my baby was not her grandson.

So I got tired and asked my ex to come out and say that everything his mother said was a lie, but he didn't do it, on the contrary he told me: "Let's do a DNA test so that my mother will stay silent."

I told him that I would not please her and that if he was not going to defend myself and his son, he better not even think about being the father of my baby, not even that made him react, so I blocked him and decided to consult with a lawyer on the issue of custody and parental rights.

After that discussion I had a few really calm days, the accusations simply stopped and many apologized, for a moment I believed that my ex had come to his senses and defended me.

But the peace ended quickly, last week my MIL entered my apartment (where she lived with her son before we separated). By force, I don't know how and I don't know how long ago, but she had a key, and she stole my baby's ultrasounds and all my medical records from my house.

Luckily I caught her just when she was running away from my apartment, I confronted her, she tried to justify her actions and say that the ultrasounds also belonged to her son, when I asked her to hand me what she had taken from my house she started yelling at me: "That I was taking her grandson away from her."

I reminded her that she had tried to hurt her grandson and she had disowned him. That's when the attack became physical. Good luck to me, my neighbors came out when they heard the screams and defended me, also one of them they decided to call the police.

Finally they took her away for assault and burglary, I also reported her for poisoning, when they arrested her they discovered that she had also stolen my passport and money and she justified everything because "she was afraid that I would flee the country with her grandson."

After that scandal, my ex came to my apartment complaining about me for reporting his mother, he also tried to hit me but at that moment his sister and BIL were there and they defended me and called the police. Before, he had violent reactions but he had never tried to hit me.

I must say that my SIL always was and is very kind to me, she was the one who always defended me, the one who set limits for her mother and it was SHE who spoke to every person who called me a bitch and she told them what my MIL did to me.

With everything that happened, I no longer felt safe in my apartment, so I made the decision to return to my native country, before my baby is born, so while I gather all the necessary things and receive the discharge from my doctor, I stay. at my SIL and her partner's house.

Regarding the legal issue, I must say that I am considering not continuing with the complaint, given that this takes time and I am already almost 6 months pregnant so my possibilities of leaving before my daughter is born are being limited.

Here's what top commenters had to say after the update:

AnybodysProblem said:

Godspeed and good luck, hun. That whole family is FUBAR. Still NTA, by the by.

noonecaresat805 said:

Your six months. Sell or give everything away and leave to your home country like yesterday before you get told that your to far along to travel.

JnHdaughter said:

Not the a%ole and I hope all goes smooth for you and you get the peace you deserve

OP came back to give this update:

Hello everyone, I came back here because many have asked me for an update, it will be the last one I do. I am in Chile, I came on February 16, I am currently living with my mother, while she can go back to work and rent an apartment. My pregnancy is going well, if everything goes as we hope, he will be born at the end of April or beginning of May.

Well, everyone surely wants to know, what happened with the complaint or with my ex Mil and the father of my baby. I spoke with my lawyer and he told me that even if I wanted (I didn't want to) we couldn't eliminate the complaint given the seriousness of the charges, my lawyer asked the judge to give me authorization to leave the country, I didn't have any problem. I can make any statement by remote video call.

Now, I would like to be able to say that my last days in that country were calm but that was not the case, my ex found out where I was living and made a fuss, he arrived with a bat and destroyed SIL's car, then he went after his BIL.

My SIL and I locked ourselves in the bathroom, while we called the police, they took him away, and he was arrested for violating the restraining order, and damage to private property. He is finally in jail.

Days later we received a very shocking visit, apparently mommy's boy, not only was he a dangerous person, he was also unfaithful. That's right, he had a lover for 9 years with whom he has two children, the very shameless one went to my SIL's house to ask for money for her children and to talk to me so that I would remove the complaint. The mistress even had the nerve to blame me because my ex didn't marry her.

This destroyed me even more, I never saw a single sign, they all say that there are signs, that one senses it, but it was never like that, he never came home late, he never arrived smelling like another woman, he was never distant with me and even his cell phone He never had a key.

It makes me sick to know that there was never a single sign that made me suspicious, now I can only wonder how naive was I? I don't understand how he could be unfaithful to me, now I feel insufficient, now he asked me if maybe the fact that he couldn't get me pregnant was the reason, maybe how many more children he will have there. It's hard for me to believe that I wasn't enough for him.

Sorry, I'm still having a hard time processing all this information, and I've been questioning a lot of things. but my family is helping me, they all welcomed me with a lot of love, and they have been a great support network.

I have allowed myself to cry on their shoulders and be pampered a little, they hardly let me do anything at home, they have helped me to complete what I was missing for my baby, at least I am happy to know that I have all this support and my daughter will not lack love.

As for my SIL, she was disowned by a large part of her family, but her grandmother and her in-laws have given her all their support. Unfortunately, my lawyer advised me that while the investigation is ongoing he will limit my contact with her, so I will not I said which city I would go to live and I will only inform you of the birth of my daughter.

I know that many wanted a bigger closure, they probably want to know if they will spend many years in prison, but I don't have that information, I only know that the investigation continues and there will be nothing that can stop it. Thank you all for your advice and concern.