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Pregnant MOH backs out of the wedding and all wedding parties, 'we wouldn't be able to control ourselves.' AITA?

Pregnant MOH backs out of the wedding and all wedding parties, 'we wouldn't be able to control ourselves.' AITA?


"AITA because I (20F) cancelled on my friend's (24F) wedding and all her parties?"

My friend just recently got engaged and wanted me to be the maid of honor. I agreed about two months ago. I even got my dress fitted and have been helping with the planning.

I found out I was pregnant not that long ago and her wedding was actually a week before my due date. I told my friend this and she was really sympathetic. I said I still unsure if I would be able to make it or not, so it was kinda in the air.

Our friend group decided that all of the parties (bridal showers, engagement party, bachelorette party, the luncheon) would all be heavily based on the alcohol there. The wedding would be an open bar.

My husband and I both have issues with drinking and decided that since I was pregnant we both had to get sober. I knew if there was alcohol, we wouldn't be able to handle ourselves. So I decided to tell her that we wouldn't be able to make to her wedding or any of the parties.

She was fine with the wedding part, she had a back up Maid of Honor, but she wasn't happy about the fact I couldn't come celebrate at all. I told her that I knew neither my husband or I would be able to control ourselves.

She basically went off on me saying that just because I was pregnant doesn't mean I can't come to any of the parties. I told her everyone would be drinking, I would be the DD, and I would be around alcohol. She said my husband could go since he's not the pregnant one (he was going to be a groomsman).

I got pretty fed up and told her that I won't be showing up at all. Now all my friends are texting me that I could go to any of the parties and even the wedding, but just not drink. I've kinda been ignoring them all after I answered a few questions.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

InappropriateAccess said:

NTA. Even if you weren’t pregnant, it is dangerous for alcoholics early in their recovery to be around free-flowing booze. Good for you for recognizing the dangers here!

And for a piece of unsolicited advice from the spouse of an addict in recovery: if you’re used to drinking with your friends as the main social activity, you’re going to need to find new friends. Going to the places you’re used to drinking and spending time with the people you normally drink with will only make your recovery harder.

C_Majuscula said:

NTA. You're pregnant and recently realized that both of you may be problem drinkers. Absolutely no issue with both of you skipping alcohol-centric celebrations.

CrazygemIsHere said:

NTA. Knowing your own drinking habits is important as well as knowing what the temptation will do to you. Do you not have any friend who can't drink for any reason. I know I was at a wedding with an open bar that the groom can't drink due to a kidney or liver issue.

We also have a Muslim friend in the group who is literally the life of any party. If so I would suggest to speak with them about the social pressure of drinking. If not maybe try find a support group or a sub on reddit which could help.

AggressivePride951 said:

Little bit YTA. If you really think that you could be prone to drink at 38 weeks pregnant with your husband, but are NOT in an alcoholism program, then I wouldn’t take you seriously either. Sounds like you just don’t want to be bored as the “sober” ones.

wes0103 said:

If you are in a program for alcoholism, good for you. NTA. Gotta put you first. If you're not in a program for alcoholism, YTA. You're saying you couldn't control yourself, but haven't taken proper steps to learn to.

Avoiding alcohol because you're pregnant just means you'll buy some the moment that baby comes out. So now you've created this situation where your friends aren't taking you seriously and you've made the wedding all about you.

murlocman69 said:

NTA - congratulations on pursuing sobriety. You are making a choice for the sake of your child to be and for the best of your health. If you can't avoid drinking if you are around, best to not place yourself into a tempting situation. I'm sorry your friends don't understand.

minimalist_coach said:

NTA. You are taking care of your unborn child as any good mother would. You are being realistic about your relationship with alcohol. I got sober when I was in my early 20s. I think my friends had a harder time with it than I did.

I realized my choosing to stop drinking somehow shined a spotlight on their own drinking and they desperately wanted me to drink so they wouldn’t have to think about their drinking. It ended a lot of friendships, but I don’t regret it at all

While the opinions were slightly divided for this one, most people were on OP's side. What's your advice for this situation?

Sources: Reddit
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