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'AITA for being pregnant when my husband’s cousin feels threatened by it?'

'AITA for being pregnant when my husband’s cousin feels threatened by it?'


"AITA for being pregnant when my husband’s cousin feels threatened by it?"


I am an only child and an only grandchild. All of my family are at least a 16 hour drive or 3 hour flight distance away. My husband and I dated for a 1 1/2 years before he proposed, and were married 8 months later. I found out I was pregnant a month after we were married.

I have become very close with my husband’s parents and close with other members of his family. My husband is also an only child. My husband and his father are very close with one of his male cousins. My husband's cousin’s father was very close with my father in law (F.I.L.) before he died, and had asked my F.I.L. to watch over his family if something happened to him.

My husband his father would go to the movie theater often with the cousin and his 2 children who are elementary and middle school aged. My husband asked me to go to watch a movie with them once, and I agreed and had a good time.

The next several times his cousin would bring up going to the theater we would agree to go, and then we would find out that they would go to see that particular movie without us. It has upset my husband, and I feel like the only change to the dynamic is that I am there.

My husband and I have dinner with my in- laws at least 2 times a week. Every time when we sit down to eat together, his cousin calls during dinner. My F.I.L. will answer the phone call that often will go on for an hour or more.

This past year I have watched my F.I.L. pick up the cousin’s kids from school most days during the school year, take them out places during the week, and he helped coach the cousin’s son’s sports team with the cousin.

My husband and I have zero issues with any of what my F.I.L. does for the cousin. My F.I.L. defends the cousin’s actions when the cousin asks my husband to go to the movie theater, my husband agrees to go, and then the cousin goes without him.

We announced to the family that I was pregnant the following big holiday after we had found out. My husband’s family appeared to be very happy for us. One day my F.I.L. watched our dog, so we could go to a doctor’s appointment in regard to the baby.

We went to go pick up our dog and tell my F.I.L. about the important appointment. The cousin calls during the time we are trying to talk to my F.I.L. about it. My husband tells my F.I.L. that if he answers we are going to leave. My F.I.L. answers. As we are leaving, we hear my F.I.L. and the cousin speaking about the game they were both at the night prior.

Several times (at least 4) that we have seen the cousin after this, he has stated his children are upset that I am pregnant and are scared they won’t see their great uncle anymore.

I never comment back. The fact the cousin says this to me at all upsets me, because my family does not live nearby. We want our child to have it’s family in it’s life as much as possible. I feel that the cousin is trying to make me feel bad for being pregnant, and is threatened by it.

The last time cousin said it I went home and cried for several hours. My husband and I have talked with my M.I.L. and F.I.L. about this. My F.I.L. has defended the cousin. Am I the AH?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


First, the formatting here makes this hard to read. Some spaces in the block of text would make this much more intelligible.NTA. From what I can tell, C is a narcissist that is trying to bogart your FIL's time and attention because he doesn't have a father figure and never learned to share.

It sounds like your FIL accepted responsibility for C when his brother (?) passed and asked him to watch over C. Your FIL's guilt over this is overriding his desire to spend time with his own son. However, what I'm not seeing mention of is C's wife - is she still in the picture?

Inevitably, C's behavior is petty and childish, and is actively tearing the family apart. You need to have another discussion with your MIL/FIL and tell them that while you aren't trying to control how much time they spend with C, his behavior is not something you want to deal with.

Next time he calls during dinner (because he KNOWS when you're having dinner, he's doing this on purpose) you need to just get up and leave. Any time he's prioritized over whatever social function is happening, leave. Don't announce it, just get up and leave.

C is feeding his kids lines about how you are trying to steal their grandfather away from them by having a family of your own, then using this guilt trip BS to keep your FIL "in line" with what he wants.

As much as I loathe ultimatums, this needs to be a "You need to tell him to knock it off and share his toys or we won't be playing anymore." Hold your ground on this or your kids will be put in a toxic "my kids are more important than yours" mind game C will play with you for the rest of their lives.


This is the answer. If they leave enough times during dinner, MIL will intervene lol.


Yes, C’s father was my FIL’s brother. I didn’t mention C’s wife, because although she is in the picture she prefers to pawn her children off as much as possible.


You are NTA for getting pregnant. But your husband needs to speak with his father about this situation. The cousin needs a dose of reality; your FIL is not his father. The cousin is excluding everyone from being near your FIL - this is not fair to anyone.


I get the feeling your FIL is trying to over compensate for C missing his father, but this could be to the detrimental affect of his own son. I would have a word with your MIL explain how you feel and especially how this is affecting your husband.

Maybe it’s only some reassurance C needs that your in-laws will still be there for him. But sorry for me priority is your own children, perhaps FIL needs reminding of this by his son.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

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