Pregnant woman 'accidentally' hits BF over the head with a frying pan. 'AITA for dumping her?'
"AITA for dumping my pregnant girlfriend after she 'accidentally' hit me over the head with a frying pan?"
TW: domestic violence, assault
I have been dating my Gf for two years now. I'm 25 and shes 23. My gf got pregnant in late November and is now nearing 4 months pregnant. Things were going great until the second month. It just felt like I couldn’t please her in any way possible. Anything I did, she would somehow find a issue with it and try to argue with me. I obviously know about how much hormones play a part in this behaviour but some things i just couldn’t excuse. Obviously there were the usual weird cravings and stuff and I was completely fine with that but at some point just got unbearable.
A month ago she filled up her petrol car with diesel and when she blew up her engine she just called me and expected me to IMMEDIATELY get off work and go pick her up. I told her my lunch brake was in an hour and if she didn’t want to wait for me, i told her id order an uber for her. She just immediately hung up. I tried calling her again after that but she constantly rejected my calls. I just gave up after the 7th call. I went home later that night and she immediately started yelling some terrible sh$t at me.
She told me I was “a useless man” and literally wished death on me for making a pregnant woman wait for a taxi to come pick her up. I tried reasoning with her but she just locked herself in the bedroom and refused to let me in. I just gave up and preheated some food, watched some Netflix and eventually fell asleep on the couch.
She woke me up a few hours later, asking me if I could get her some ice cream and I reluctantly agreed. I had to drive an hour to the nearest gas station that still was open. After driving two hours for some fucking ice cream at midnight, I came home and found our front door locked. I left the keys inside the house when I left. I called her a million times, tried banging on every window and door in sight but I didn’t get an answer. I wasn’t dressed properly so I ended up sleeping in my car.
The next morning she acted like nothing happened and I obviously was fuming. I demanded an explanation from her and she just told me I deserved it for leaving her stranded. I wanted to dump her right then and there but sadly i thought that I would only have to deal with this bs for another couple of months and then she would be back to normal.
Things have been heated between us since that moment so I wanted to lighten up the mood in the house. I got off work early and wanted to surprise her with fish and chips when she got back from her doctor’s appointment.
When she came back I saw her smiling for less than a second at the sight of me cooking something for her but after that second she went right back to being lucifer. Apparently I wasn’t cooking the fish properly, im a waste of space, even a blind man could cook better than me. I started tearing up because her words genuinely hurt me. All I wanted to do was make her happy and this is how she pays me back?
She started laughing at me crying and asked why “such a big and strong man would cry because a poor little pregnant girl said some mean things.” I just lost it. I grabbed her by the arms and told her f-ck off and to get out of my house. I remember letting go of her hands for a second and then seeing her reach for the pan I was going to use to cook the fries in. Thank god I didn’t put oil in yet.
All I remember afterwards is waking up on the ground with her kneeling beside me crying. I remember having the worst headache of my life. Through the pain I remember asking her what happened and she just told me that I slipped and fell. At that moment I didn’t care what happened and just wanted to lie down somewhere. She helped me up and guided me to the couch. I remember her scrambling around to find an icepack and thats when it hit me.
I simply asked her if she hit me with the pan. Afer hesitating for a bit she just said she was sorry and she didn’t mean it and she wasn’t thinking straight yada yada. I again told her to get the f-ck out of my house. She tried pleading with me but I told her I'd call the police and press charges if she didn’t leave. I guess she got scared and she just left after that. I called off sick from work the next day and went to the hospital to see if I suffered some head Injurie. Luckily I didn’t but I did develop a boil the size of a tennis ball on my head.
Throughout all of his my ex was bombarding me with apologies. I only responded once to say we’re over and then blocked her on everything. After coming home from the hospital I called my mom and sister to tell them what happened. They seemed empathetic but also told me I should give her another chance since the pregnancy probably made her lash out. I do want to add that before her pregnancy she never acted like this and was the most loving and caring girlfriend i have had up to this point.
She and her dad came over yesterday to come pick up her things from my place. Her dad profusely apologized for her daughter’s actions making me believe that she told him the truth. As for her, she didn’t dare to step out of the car and come face me while her dad gathered her things. When I looked at her through my window I saw how terrible she looked. I guess she hasn’t been sleeping much since. I wanted to forgive everything she did and just go and hold her and tell her it’s going to be okay.
I've been really torn since then. Something makes me believe that all this was probably a phase she was going through and things would eventually just go back to how they used to be but on the other hand her actions seem near psychotic and unforgivable to me but I also don’t want to raise our kid in separate households. Should I take her back? Is this really a phase or is it something deeper? AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Caspian4136 said:
Look I've been pregnant multiple times and as it does mess with you, I've never, ever smashed my husband's head with a frying pan. I cried over not having coleslaw (my craving), made a sandwich and dropped it on the floor so ran into the bedroom sobbing, but never all that crazy stuff.
More is going on here with her, as this isn't just pregnancy hormones. She's turned mean and vindictive. Tricking you to get out of the house before locking you out? Physically assaulting you? I'd press charges for that.
What you need to do now is start getting things in order for custody and what you'll be doing after the baby is here. Considering how unhinged and downright dangerous she's become, I already fear for the baby as post partum hormones are even worse. It's time you start thinking about more than just yourself, but your baby as well.
AppasTurds said:
NTA. If she's truly going through some kind of psychosis, she needs to get help. But remember that abusers often keep their mask on until they feel like they have their partner trapped, so this might just be who she really is. Either way, you're not obligated to put yourself in danger. She could have killed you. Head injuries are no f-king joke.
RunZombieBabe said:
NTA. Pregnancy does not make you an murderous ahole. I am 49, have been pregnant 2 times and almost all of my friends had babies. We used to talk about our "stupid pregnant" brains, which included being forgetful (later pregnancy and after birth), feeling more emotional (a TV add for catfood could make us cry),a crazy want to have EVERYTHING clean and the baby's room ready, having strange cravings for food, being incredibly tired and wanting to sleep, a lot of stupid dreams, feeling overwhelmed, happy, anxious...but never have I heard or felt the urge for violence.
I don't know how to put it: I think it is a bit like drinking too much alcohol...you reveal who you are deep down. Alcohol does not MAKE you violent and mean, you ARE this person and are just very good at hiding it.
I absolutely think she uses being pregnant as an excuse and her family and friends want to believe it because they want her to be a nice person. But she isn't. Does she treat her coworkers like you? Then she might be unemployed any time. Pregnant women are protected but not if she gets violent and dangerous to others.
Please be safe and stay away from her. I know how it feels to get hit with a cast iron pan. Stayed 2 times with severe concussions in the hospital, glad it did not break my skull both times. Think about your safety first, then tell the police what happened. Prepare to be a single father and get child protection service involved. Wish you all the best from my heart!
Happy_Flow826 said:
NTA. I was THE raging pregnant b$tch from h$ll. I cried over everything, got pissed off by everyone, and felt like the poster child for demonic possession. Not once did I scream cry yell berate hit or beat a single person. The number of times I said "I'm pissed off and I feel ragey and I need to go lay down/for a walk/sit by myself because I don't want to damage my life because of bad actions" is very high.
I mean my stepchild ate all my Bagels in one day, when those were the only things I could stomach at one point. Instead of raging at people, I went to my room and rage cried instead because of how wronged I felt because he knew about my issues (he was a preteen at the time). Pregnancy can make your brain say f-ked up things, it can make you want to lash out over stupid shit. But when you're a grown adult you don't get to have sh%t fits and beat others no matter what your brain says.
SassySybil71 said:
NTA. You need to protect yourself. I had pregnancy induced rage that I had to be medicated for me to get through the pregnancy without committing homicide. I wanted to disembowel my husband or my boss or both and play in their blood. Fortunately, the Prozac worked, and I delivered a healthy, neurotypical baby.
I am not a violent person by nature. I have not felt that continuous level of extreme rage since the then and it has been 22+ years. So yeah hormones can be wicked. Get your ducks in a row just in case she suffers postpartum psychosis too and you need to take custody of the baby to protect it.
EmptyPomegranete said:
NTA. It doesn’t matter if she wasn’t like this before. She is now. She is abusive. She doesn’t love you. Love doesn’t feel like this.
lOGlReaper said:
NTA, press charges, no pregnancy is going to cause this. Press charges, get full custody supervised visits for her and child support. If you hit her with a frying pan you'd be going to jail already.