Pregnant woman admits; 'There's no way I'm telling my MIL that I'm expecting.' AITA?

"AITA for not telling my MIL I was pregnant?"

My husband and I have been trying for a baby for around a year. Everytime he called his mom she would ask if there was a baby yet. I was against her knowing we were trying because she has a tendency to be pushy and cross boundaries but it slipped out during a conversation.

Well about 4 weeks ago we found out we were pregnant, I was waiting until the chances of miscarriage drops (around 12 weeks pregnant) to tell anyone because we have had losses before. She called dropped by our house unannounced yesterday and I had my ultrasound pictures on the table.

Let's see what readers had to say:

NTA. Tell your husband something like the following: “No, I will NOT apologize to your mother. You need to step up as my husband, as the father of this baby, and start setting boundaries with her.

Her childish little temper tantrum yesterday just highlights exactly why I was not ready to tell her, or anyone, about this pregnancy. With our previous losses, I do not need the stress and the added risk that stress adds to early pregnancy.

I wanted to wait until we hit the second trimester, and I thought we were in agreement on that. I thought we agreed on trying to keep my stress low, until we reached a less risky period in my pregnancy, to announce it, to give this baby the best chance we can.

You need to take a few minutes, and decide who you believe is really owed an apology. And if I find out your mother has announced this pregnancy to anyone before I am ready, she will not get a single piece of information on this baby from this point on.”

Then walk away. Hopefully he makes the right decision, sets those boundaries with his mom. There should also be no more unexpected house calls. Good luck, and best wishes for you and the baby.

She saw them before I could hide them. She's throwing a tantrum basically and is giving me the silent treatment because we haven't told her and we've "been lying" this entire time. My husband wants me to apologize and I don't want to. She shouldn't have just dropped by our house and I was waiting until I was ready to announce it. AITA?

tentfrag writes:

NTA. Your personal medical information is YOUR OWN. She is not entitled to anything. Period. This is a two-person marriage, not a 3 person one. She 'might' have a case for being higher up on the Announcement List, than say a cousin or work acquaintance - but that does NOT

mean that she is entitled to know your A1C, your cholesterol, your menstrual schedule, nor your pregnancy status a single minute sooner than you are ready to share. Your husband needs to put his adult pants on, and remind his mother of the proper boundaries around your personal information, since he clearly failed to correct things when she was inappropriately asking all the time.

fettywot writes:

NTA and oh man I am really sorry for you bc your MIL (really husband) problem is about to get 100x worse with a grandchild.

If your husband doesn't put his foot down NOW and let his mother know under no uncertain terms that her place in your lives is NOT GUARANTEED and can/will be CUT OFF if she doesn't learn to respect boundaries expect some dark times ahead for your marriage.

It is time for your husband to choose his FAMILY - you and your child. Show your husband this thread if necessary.

crownt writes:

Your MIL deserves an explanation, not an apology. What you did was perfectly acceptable by waiting until there was a higher likelihood of viability. Your momma-boy husband should stuff it unless he wants to support what I assume was a mutual decision and be a part of explaining it to his mother.

Your MIL should watch herself as well. Mistreating you and punishing you with silence or making demands will just make you less willing to share anything. She needs to get straight on what the baby is all about, and it's not her. Right now, it's YOU!!!

BTW, tell your husband I said to stuff-it and then shove it and to stop being a momma-boy b!atch! You better lay down the law as far as who is in the room during delivery and then let the Dr.s and nurses know it. She sounds like she'd shove the Dr. out of the way to catch the child.

vantageeee writes:

NTA His mom needs to hear the truth. In the nicest way possible I'd tell her that you and your husband will decide when any extremely personal information gets passed out to the family.

I'd stress the 'extremely personal' part of this. His mom needs to understand that she's not part of the highest circle of knowledge. The highest circle consists of you and your husband, that's it.

The important thing is you and your husband need to work as a team on this. If he's not working with you, he's working with his mom against you. If it's him and his mom vs you, you will lose. You have nothing to apologize for.